Oneness

[Arthur]

(sharing my internal dialog)

Is reality not one single process? How could this be? 
It seems like there are 10,000 things out there, existing on their own. Yet, where did they come from? What is underneath all that?

What if you accept that you are not special. What if the most precious things in life, like your intelligence, your personality, your memories were not attributed to you. Think about the deepest precious moments in your life. The most intimate connection you have with your own self. What if that is actually not personal. What if the thoughts you are having, and your very own self, is simply a manifestation of infinite collective intelligence. What if your life was just displaying itself in front of you, without you being in control of anything? What if how you feel is exactly how the universe feels? What if God is looking through your eyes and being you right now. Not God as a separate entity, but God that is you. Yes you, with all your trivial baggage. What if the little personal entity that you know as yourself, is exactly what God wants feels?

Those thoughts send shivers down my spine. It is too much to bear... It means that I was never responsible for anything. All actions, no matter how silly, are actually divine in nature. What if being an ego is itself part of reality. What if feeling what I'm feeling, thinking what I'm thinking, perceiving the way I perceive, is EXACTLY how the Universe perceives itself. Who am I really then? First I have to fully accept myself, don't cling, look at things objectively and be brave enough. Then, I can give myself away and discover my oneness with the totality of things.

Everything is happing as one inseparable process. No separate entities exist in this giant unfolding. Things come and go and they are inevitable. Precisely because nothing is separate, everything happens as it should, and could not happen otherwise. You are NOT special or separate. Why you are holding on to this personality and afraid to look deep enough? What you might find is scary and beautiful, it is crystal clear and confusing. it is absolutely impossible in my common knowledge. 

I'm not responsible for my own existence, my choices, situations, and other people. I am at the mercy of infinite variables at any giving moment. It seems like I'm definitely here and aware (well, maybe apart of deep sleep). At the same time, I am just a happening, like clouds on a rainy day.  So far, I can only say I'm the awareness of everything witnessing this life process. This awareness is definitely not separate from it, nor is it in control of anything. It allows all things to be just as they are. What a weird thing...

You think you are smart, special, have a great personality? You hold on to what you did in the past, as tho it defines you? Well, then that's what you get, you have are an intelligent individual. But you have to drop this nonsense, you are literally trading INFINITY for it... And the punch line is, those qualities were never attributed to you in the first place... hahaha 

Edited December 2, 2018 by Arthur

[Nahm]

Peace.

[Arthur]

Quote

As Above, So Below... As Within, So Without...

 

[Sven]

Damn that's a powerful piece of text you just wrote!

And what do you do then? Just laugh or just share love in any way?

Or do you Just watch what happens if you sit back and let life live itself instead of trying to resist what is happening already?

Or is it simpler... Nothing really changes?  Only "your" "perspective"?

[Arthur]

2 hours ago, Sven said:

Or do you Just watch what happens if you sit back and let life live itself instead of trying to resist what is happening already?

Or is it simpler... Nothing really changes?  Only "your" "perspective"?

 

Yes, that is how I feel sometimes. Nothing really changes but the perspective. Yet that change is extremely significant. Like realizing you are adopted, that your life was a lie, that you don't really know who you are, that you are in a dream. It feels just as significant as witnessing a supernatural phenomenon in real life. Like seeing a superman flying by in real life.

Sometimes I laugh and talk to myself like a crazy person. When I start to inquire deep into my own self, my body starts to tremble. My mind immediately goes - "Wow.. what are you doing? this is way too deep... this is impossible... You are not supposed to know this... Everything is ok, let's go do something else".

I have mixed feeling about those insights. A dissociative state of awe and shock is probably close to defining it. I can't really describe it in positive or negative terms.

[Sven]

2 hours ago, Arthur said:

Yes, that is (...) or negative terms.

Well, definitely don't resist it (when you are alone, that is ...)

As far as the 'I feel like a crazy person' part goes, you know, my mother has schizophrenia and psychosis. Yeah. So when I have these kinda thoughts back in my mind it's not just saying "bro you're going insane" it's also saying "this is it. you're gonna have a psychosis. your life is over." But I think there's a big difference between going crazy and contemplating yourself. You yourself know that - others don't... Which is why I said do it when you're alone  Until you have fully tamed the ox, I suppose

[Arthur]

@Sven I agree.

My grandmother has a mild version of schizophrenia and paranoia. My feeling is definitely different, I was exaggerating when I wrote that I feel like a crazy person (I take it back). I don't get caught in an endless loop of thoughts. I don't have a strong "Narrator" in my head that is feeding an outlook on life.

I just sometimes feel strong waves of emotions coming and subsisting very fast. Occasionally it results in a loud laugh or deep breaths and shivering. Mostly on my own time, when nobody is watching. 

That Ox is a hell of a beast.