Addicted to Personal Development

[Wisebaxter]

@Sockrattes Haha yeah man, I'm not gonna be taking the trip until after Christmas, mid-January time. I have a bit more prep to do, some research to undertake, getting my self-enquiry and contemplation habit fully underway, setting my intention, writing down the questions I want to ask. Plus I a bit more money for the hotel, which I'll get at the end of the month. I'm also reading a great work of fiction from Leo's booklist about a guy who hangs out with this mecixan dude and smokes a load of Datura. It has loads of great tips in it for tripping. Don't know if I can mention the name of the book though as can't remember if Leo's mentioned it in his videos, or just on his book list. 

I'll use this thread to let you guys know the exact date and then I'll post to let you know I'm good and include a trip report. Thanks for checking up on me. 

Edited December 8, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[ZZZZ]

On 12/7/2018 at 8:44 AM, Wisebaxter said:

@Hellspeed Yeah Sadhguru does mention this, that you need less sleep when your consciousness raises. That's so cool. Just something else for me to look forward to then. 

@ZZZZ Thanks buddy! Yeah it's so exciting. My LSD arrived in the post today, 4 neat little squares  I'm gonna book a hotel room for next month and go for it. I'm hoping to see a psychedelic coloured Ox with a naked Emma Watson riding on it's back, but I won't get my hopes up  'Jump on Wisebaxter! Let's go for a ride.' Haha na Just a glimpse of something Ox-like would be fine. Throw all theory out - good tip. I'll prepare by getting in touch with 'being' more. Have you done many psychedelics?

I've tripped a handful of times! LSD and mushrooms mostly. Be careful, you might end up with a glimpse of an Ox with Emma Watson's face that wants to hop on you. ? Dont expect anything to make sense. Not sure if it was you hunting for the ego death or not, but dont expect anything specific out of the experience, and just let it happen.

[Wisebaxter]

5 hours ago, ZZZZ said:

I've tripped a handful of times! LSD and mushrooms mostly. Be careful, you might end up with a glimpse of an Ox with Emma Watson's face that wants to hop on you. ? Dont expect anything to make sense. Not sure if it was you hunting for the ego death or not, but dont expect anything specific out of the experience, and just let it happen.

Dude, as long as it has Emma Watson's face on it somewhere, I'll gladly submit haha  I've heard that 'surrendering' to the experience is the name of the game after all. Plus Leo will be impressed that I was so deeply intimate with the Ox first time around. 

Yeah I was the one talking about ego death. I get what you're saying, don't have expectations. I've read that it's fine to have intentions but not expectations

[ZZZZ]

6 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

Dude, as long as it has Emma Watson's face on it somewhere, I'll gladly submit haha  I've heard that 'surrendering' to the experience is the name of the game after all. Plus Leo will be impressed that I was so deeply intimate with the Ox first time around. 

Yeah I was the one talking about ego death. I get what you're saying, don't have expectations. I've read that it's fine to have intentions but not expectations

Yes, it's okay to have intentions, but expectations will only distract you. It's like embarking on a spaceship wanting to go to the moon, but you realize you're heading towards Mars instead, and you spend the entire ride wondering why you're "off track" instead of embracing the journey you're on. 

 

I actually used to tell people I wanted to experience a full blown ego death too. However, tripping a few times prior to that has given me just as many insights in the meantime, and they've probably been much easier to integrate and understand (and in retrospect, could be considered "ego death" in many instances too). 

 

At 150 ug, a couple things you might expect to experience:

 

the meaninglessness of time and the illusion of past and future. I remember looking at the clock and having absolutely no clue what the hands meant, and just laughing at the fact that I was even checking it.

 

Disassociation with your body. Legit out of body experiences confirming first-hand that "you" exist beyond the confines of the physical human body. 

 

Discovery of deep emotional problems in your subconscious, and different perspectives to overcome and understand them.

 

Discovery of subtle addictions and bad habits, and an objective view of that will likely help you overcome them.

 

An appreciation of the mundane. When the walls and carpet start "breathing" and you realize you're primarily just that much more aware of texture and your surroundings, it will make you appreciate the beauty in all things. If you are ever able to go out into nature or look outside safely, this will be 100x as true of natural things such as trees, mountains, etc.  

 

These are just a few things that I can think of on the top of my head. Now sure, if you are able to look at a clock and contemplate time, you might be able to "induce" the same realizations I had, but if you sit there trying to "discover" emotional blockages out of the blue, for example, you might sit there very frustrated and stumble upon another realization as a side effect of that frustration. See how that works? You are simply going to have an experience, and the insights will follow naturally. The most powerful insights will come with a grounded sense of being and awareness, with no real restrictions or strong egoic desires.

 

It's probably difficult for you to understand right now, but the desire for *anything* is driven by ego. Even ego death. It is very very very very tricky. Even if your entire sense of self dissolved away right before your very eyes, you might come back from your trip and your ego will go "Aha, I did it! I had an ego death! All of my research and focus paid off! I must be much faster at spiritual development than everyone else!" And next thing you know, you are down this "enlightened ego" rabbit hole where you think you have shed the ego, but it's just found another way to hide itself and continue to chatter away stronger than ever. You will have the experiences all the same, but the way you understand and integrate them is probably most important. 

 

[Forestluv]

On 12/8/2018 at 2:20 PM, Wisebaxter said:

I'll use this thread to let you guys know the exact date and then I'll post to let you know I'm good and include a trip report. 

Please do. Some of us may be living vicariously through you ?

Also, perhaps consider a journal on the forum. They can be nice for these types of journeys.

[Wisebaxter]

@ZZZZ Dude thank you so much for giving me all that advice. I'll add it all to my 'things to watch out for whilst tripping' list, which is nice and juicy now. Disassociation with my body. Holy crap really? I'm so excited. I hope I don't forget I'm tripping when that happens. Does it happen often that people forget they're tripping? Or Maybe that's a good thing so you don't always rationalise things away. As for subtle addictions, I really hope I make some progress here. I'm pissed off with my coffee consumption and my addiction to personal development theory as opposed to the actual practices, plus I stay up waaaay to late all the time as I always want to keep on going with it.

An appreciation of the mundane...cool. That's something Tolle has helped me with as he talks about coming into your sense perceptions more, relishing the touch of things etc. I often feel a sense of awe at the mundane already so I'm hoping that just gets magnified. I also forget to feel it too so hopefully it will stay with me more. 

18 hours ago, ZZZZ said:

Even if your entire sense of self dissolved away right before your very eyes, you might come back from your trip and your ego will go "Aha, I did it! I had an ego death!

Ah yes, so easy to forget this isn't it? So glad you reminded me as I would definitely have done something like that. Even now I'm getting a sense that I understand the illusory nature of the ego but hey look, there's an 'I' that understands it? Sneeky ego right? We have to remove every single one of it's hiding places. 

Man I'm lucky to have found the forum. You guys are like a bunch of Don Juans guiding me with my psychedelic use. 

Edited December 12, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[Wisebaxter]

18 hours ago, Serotoninluv said:

Some of us may be living vicariously through you ?

Haha if only I could set up a live 'tripping cam' or something. In the future there might be some kind of technology which allows us to patch ourselves into someone else's relative experience. if we're all one consciousness then it could be possible. Especially If Leo's dream of school kids being made to snort 30mg of 5-MeO DMT before they leave school gets realised haha. 

Sure thing I'll get a journal started within the next few days. I have loads of notes to upload already 

Do you not take psychedelics anymore then yourself? 

Edited December 12, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[ZZZZ]

@Wisebaxter

1 hour ago, Wisebaxter said:

@ZZZZ Dude thank you so much for giving me all that advice. I'll add it all to my 'things to watch out for whilst tripping' list, which is nice and juicy now. Disassociation with my body. Holy crap really? I'm so excited. I hope I don't forget I'm tripping when that happens. Does it happen often that people forget they're tripping? Or Maybe that's a good thing so you don't always rationalise things away. As for subtle addictions, I really help I make some progress here. I'm pissed off with my coffee assumption and my addiction to personal development theory as opposed to the actual practices, plus I stay up waaaay to late all the time as I always want to keep on going with it.

An appreciation of the mundane...cool. That's something Tolle has helped me with as he talks about coming into your sense perceptions more, relishing the touch of things etc. I often feel a sense of awe at the mundane already so I'm hoping that just gets magnified. I also forget to feel it too so hopefully it will stay with me more. 

Ah yes, so easy to forget this isn't it? So glad you reminded me as I would definitely have done something like that. Even now I'm getting a sense that I understand the illusory nature of the ego but hey look, there's an 'I' that understands it? Sneeky ego right? We have to remove every single one of it's hiding places. 

Man I'm lucky to have found the forum. You guy are like a bunch of Don Juans guiding me with my psychedelic use. 

No problem! When I first started tripping, I wasn't really spiritually developed at all, and I kind of had to work backwards from my experiences. Things I am discovering today are lining themselves up nicely with drug-induced experiences I've had in the past. It almost feels like there is some sort of universal wisdom that is shared with every psychadelic trip. In a way, this is just the universe sharing its wisdom with itself. 

The out of body experiences are neat... Mine only happened very briefly, and it's hard to explain. It was almost as if I was observing myself in 3D. You get lots of warping and blending of your limbs  with your surroundings at times too.

At one point I became very aware of my autonomous bodily functions during this trip. I originally chalked it up to being a "slave to my body." Here my body was breathing, beating its heart, producing tons of snot that I had to keep blowing out because it was fighting off a cold, I had to constantly feed it and give it water or it would send me all sorts of headaches and stomach pains to convince me to do so... All of this just so I could continue to exsist! I just had this experience where I exsisted beyond my body, and here I was tending to every aspect of its maintenance, and dealing with the consequences of all its survival mechanisms, because otherwise, how else was I going to continue exsisting and observing??? Obviously this was a slightly misguided view, but it was the best I could do at the time given my experiences and knowledge. There was also a great insight to be had hidden within my misunderstand... The powerful thing about psychadelics is that they only REMOVE illusions, rather than produce them. So when you experience something, you know you've just witnessed something profound. The tough part is figuring out how that something fits in with the rest of what you know. 

But is the reason you don't want to forgot you're tripping because it might terrify your ego? Otherwise, why would it matter how you experience disassociating with your body? It sounds like the ego might not be quite as prepared for ego death as it claims to be.  The "full surrender" tip you hear is to ensure that no matter what happens, you won't freak out, and everything will go smoothly. A deeper insight you might have is that anything in life that happens is always perfect in its entirety, and that all "problems" are simply fabrications of the mind. Literally nothing can go wrong when you trip unless you convince yourself that something has! Anxiety and fear are simply emotions associated with what might happen to you (your ego) in the future. If you ground yourself in the ever-perfect present moment, this will subside drastically and you will have an amazing time.

It is a wonderful community! I like reliving my experiences too to help stay grounded in some of the things I've learned. You've also made me want to trip again soon lol
 

[Forestluv]

2 hours ago, Wisebaxter said:

Do you not take psychedelics anymore then yourself? 

I micro- or mini-dose about once a month as a boost to my baseline conscious level. These days, I don't need a high dose to enter nondual states. Yet, I'm open to a high dose if I sense that calling. Lately, an inner desire to San Pedro is arising. I'll probably do an all-day type retreat with it in the next week or so.

[Wisebaxter]

On 11/12/2018 at 9:56 PM, ZZZZ said:

The powerful thing about psychadelics is that they only REMOVE illusions, rather than produce them. So when you experience something, you know you've just witnessed something profound. The tough part is figuring out how that something fits in with the rest of what you know. 

This is very interesting. That's a really counter intuitive way of looking at the trip. A lot of people would say the trip is creating illusions but actually you're saying that the normal dream state is the illusion. I love that. It will come in very handy during my trip I think

On 11/12/2018 at 9:56 PM, ZZZZ said:

But is the reason you don't want to forgot you're tripping because it might terrify your ego? Otherwise, why would it matter how you experience disassociating with your body? It sounds like the ego might not be quite as prepared for ego death as it claims to be.  The "full surrender" tip you hear is to ensure that no matter what happens, you won't freak out, and everything will go smoothly. A deeper insight you might have is that anything in life that happens is always perfect in its entirety, and that all "problems" are simply fabrications of the mind. Literally nothing can go wrong when you trip unless you convince yourself that something has! Anxiety and fear are simply emotions associated with what might happen to you (your ego) in the future. If you ground yourself in the ever-perfect present moment, this will subside drastically and you will have an amazing time.
 

In my everyday life I'm very chilled and can always view any negative emotions as fabrications of my mind, so I have a feeling I'm going to be able to accept everything that happens during the trip without fighting it. But yeah there is a little anxiety, like a big 'what-if' you know? What if my ego can't handle it? Because after all if I forget I'm tripping then I'm going to be confused and perhaps think something scary is actually happening. In my normal state I can rationalise things away but in an altered state I'll be in foreign territory. But hey enough over-thinking it right? I'm gonna visualise the perfect trip and that's what I'll get, even if it's a bit intense and scary. I did get a bit freaked out as I read another trip report from a guy who did 600ug, thought he was God and trashed his room. 

Quote

 

However, when I came back down to my ego more fully I had walked into my neighbours' place. He had called the cops, the cops handcuffed me and called an ambulance. I'm still thinking this is part of the trip, I had ascended and none of this shit matter to me anymore.

Anyway I was taken to hospital, kept there for a few hours, my parents were called but it was midnight so they didn't pick up. Just awoke to a message saying I was in the emergency department. I didn't have my phone or wallet on me so I couldn't call anyone for help.

I caught a taxi back to my place after they let me out at like 1am. I get back and I'd destroyed my place, broken plants, flipped cabinents, torn the top of a glass table off, pulled off all my clothes and shit. There was dirt everywhere. I had crushed my guitar by falling on it. This didn't matter to me because I was in this nondual state. But when I came back down it suddenly mattered again....

Anyway, all I'm saying is. Be careful (again this was on 600ug), I couldn't really control myself and the shock of realising my true nature led to a god head feeling that my entire life was a lie and so didn't matter. I thought at the time I was handling it really well, I didn't handle it so well.

Also I pissed myself thinking I was having the best orgasm of my life, ahha.

 

Was kind of worried I might trash the hotel room, but I doubt it on my dose right? Plus I've done a load of personal development, research on LSD, setting my intention etc.

On 11/12/2018 at 9:56 PM, ZZZZ said:

It is a wonderful community! I like reliving my experiences too to help stay grounded in some of the things I've learned. You've also made me want to trip again soon lol

That's great man! Have at it  all this talk is making want to trip even sooner. I'm considering dropping 75ug on Christmas Day as the house will be almost empty. Just as a 'tester' dose you know, to get a feel for it. 

[ZZZZ]

I wouldn't worry about doing anything drastic at 200 ug. Just make the decision to lock your hotel door and keep it closed (with the do not disturb sign on the outside) so if you hear people in the hallway etc. you will know you are safe and secure from having to interact with them. It might cause you a little jolt of anxiety if you feel like you're going to have to talk to someone you don't want to, or feel like there are cops coming to get you, etc. You can get a lil paranoid haha. Also, if you are playing music on an external speaker, figure out the volume before hand so you won't have any complaints, and won't be anxious about getting one once your perception is a lil different. Nice headphones can substitute this. You might hit little "waves" in your trip where you might feel capable of venturing out into the hallway to the vending machine or something, just be careful about getting lost or fooling yourself that you're coming down earlier than you really are. 

 

75 ug could be a cool intro to psychadelics, just make sure that will leave yourself enough time to drop your tolerance for your "real" trip in the coming weeks. It will probably leave you underwhelmed, but if you can do both, may as well. Also, 3/4ths of a tab might not equal 75 ug. "Lower quality" blotters have closer to 60 ug at times (instead of the assumed 100), so 3/4ths of that would leave you closer to 40-50 ugs, which will be even more underwhelming. Might give you more peace of mind though, so just do what you feel is best.

I am planning a trip myself now 

 

 

[Wisebaxter]

@ZZZZ Ok, do not disturb sign and check volume - noted  

I did think I might visit the park opposite, but it will be cold and dark so maybe not. 

Ah screw it I'll just wait until next month and drop the 150ug, I won't mess with the 75. I'd rather my first experience is truly awesome and I confident enough after having so much great advice from yourself and others on here. 

Oh the guy I bought them off says they're 98.5% pure and last for 12hrs a pop. He makes them himself. So they should be nice

You're planning a trip now? Sweet dude! How much will you take? Where will you do it, at home? 

Edited December 13, 2018 by Wisebaxter

[ZZZZ]

@Wisebaxter If you bundle up and know the area is safe, it could be a cool experience. Maybe not the best idea at night, and you would wanna take the route before hand so you know your way.

If you only have the 150 ug, definitely just wait to take it all at once! I'm assuming this is on two blotters? I would be suspicious if he is claiming that strength on one blotter. 

EDIT: legal

Edited December 14, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Wisebaxter]

@ZZZZ Yeah he says they're 150ug per blotter. The ad says:

"specialized in offering the best LSD in Europe. I produce and use the LSD myself. I have more than 8 years of experience with LSD and i always test the quality myself after producing a new batch. And as you can read in more than 6000 reviews with 5/5 Star ratings: Everyone loves the quality. A professional Lab Test has been done for the current batch. Result: LSD, Purity: 99.8 %"

He seems pretty legit and from looking online it seems like 150ug blotters do exist. You saying they're pretty rare though? I guess I'll just have to take the plunge and see what happens. 

I bought 4 for £30, so quite a good deal I think. 

[ZZZZ]

@Wisebaxter If it's dark web or in a legal country it could be different, especially if he has an ad out or he's branding it under his name lol. It might be more of a US thing too. I wouldn't worry about it, especially if people are vouching for it. I think it's more of a quality control thing that tabs aren't typically that strong. If someone pops 2 expecting ~150 ug and they get 300 ug, they are in for quite a ride haha. That's a pretty decent price.  Where else can you buy 12 hours of earth shattering entertainment for under $10 ?

EDIT: Also, maybe just PM me if you wanna keep chatting. We are pretty off topic at this point haha.

Edited December 14, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Wisebaxter]

@ZZZZ Weird I thought I had pm'd you. I'll try again

[Wisebaxter]

Hey guys, I have a date set for the trip and I've started a journal here:

 

[Joseph Maynor]

I always have been addicted to Personal Development.  My childhood set me up to be addicted to Personal Development.  Not because I wanted to be Tony Robbins.  I never wanted to be this super rich person.  But what I wanted to do is solve my own problems in my own life which were very big problems.  But that kinda teed my personality up to always be trying to improve myself.  I think there's something to the Paradox of Personal Development and No Personal Development, and how you have to work both ends of this paradox.  On the one hand we do want to be doing Personal Development Work in our lives, but on the other hand we want to let the issue/ concept of Personal Development go and just focus on other things in life too.  Personal Development is just one issue among a multitude of issues that you're focused on every day.  Don't cling to Personal Development Work like a child clinging to a baby-blanket.  But at the same time, you do want to be working hard on your Personal Development Work every day.

Edited December 15, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Wisebaxter]

@Joseph Maynor Yeah this is what I was getting at - as great as personal development is there definitely seems to be a healthy balance of engaging in it and just living your life. I'm definitely too far over towards neglecting my life. The issue for me is, a bit like levelling up in a computer game you're always getting a sense of progression. Perhaps the problem is getting lost in too much theory like Leo often warns against. You collect theory and then you never test it out in the real world.

On 15/12/2018 at 6:01 AM, Joseph Maynor said:

Don't cling to Personal Development Work like a child clinging to a baby-blanket

This is a powerful piece of advice. I'm clinging at the moment, but at least I'm aware of it. I have a feeling I'll know when the time is right to move forward. One day I'll wake up and think, 'ok, I'm not watching one more goddamn Rupert Spira video and I'm taking a break from reading. It's time to make some moves. Right now I'm compelled to keep learning as certain aspects of my inner game are still truly terrible, namely making money and forming relationships