cant be content with emptiness

[Viking]

i am experiencing a lot of emptiness lately. feeling of lack. ive had this for a long time and i asked on this forum how do i deal with this, also watched leo's addictions video. the solution i got is to observe the emptiness. ive been observing observing observing... its still bothering me. i cant seem to be able to just let it be.

is it possible that the advice to observe it is wrong and that the real solution to it is that i truly lack something and the thing i lack is love? i lack emotions overall, and just observing stuff doesnt help because i start having less and less emotions when i observe. the lack of emotions comes about as emptiness and slight depression i think, i see very little meaning in life but since i just observe im sort of ok with it, nowhere near suicidal or anything like that.

people (and leo) say that in order to develop love you need to create it. i can love my parents (or be grateful, i cant tell the difference), but only when i think of stuff they have done to me, i can relatively easy make myself cry slightly thinking about that, but besides that i cant create love. if someone hasnt done something for me how can i love them? on what basis? the love just doesnt happen.

i also lack initiative, i dont care about anything and i see that in social situations i have no engagement, i just dont care about how things turn up to be.

-oh, we go to that place?

-cool,

-oh, nevermind? we go to the other place?

-great. 

-oh, those people got in a fight? thats cool i guess

-oh, youre crying?

-cool.

i just dont give a shit about anything.

am i doing something wrong? i dont feel alive. what should i do?

[Forestluv]

You are mixing up two different levels for understanding emptiness. At the surface level, emptiness is associated with a sense of lacking, being incomplete and loneliness. A deeper understanding goes beyond the self. This mature understanding of emptiness is associated with stillness and peace. 

[Viking]

6 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

You are mixing up two different levels for understanding emptiness. At the surface level, emptiness is associated with a sense of lacking, being incomplete and loneliness. A deeper understanding goes beyond the self. This mature understanding of emptiness is associated with stillness and peace. 

so there are 2 types of emptiness? i thought the less deep emptiness is caused by the deeper emptiness.

so is there a solution to the less deep sense of emptiness?

[NoSelfSelf]

Is that emptiness always here or does it go and come back?

[Viking]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Is that emptiness always here or does it go and come back?

i guess only sometimes im aware of it, sometimes im fine

[Forestluv]

13 minutes ago, Viking said:

so there are 2 types of emptiness? i thought the less deep emptiness is caused by the deeper emptiness.

so is there a solution to the less deep sense of emptiness?

I would say there is an immature understanding and a more mature, truer understanding of emptiness. This is one reason meditation is so important - if the mind quiets down, you can get glimpses of this truer emptiness - which is nothingness, stillness, peace. Most people first notice it as small gaps between thoughts. The gaps get longer and deeper. Once you can drop below thoughts / feelings into that stillness, you will start to see attachments / identification with thoughts and feelings. Yet, this can be uncomfortable to the ego.

[Viking]

6 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

I would say there is an immature understanding and a more mature, truer understanding of emptiness. This is one reason meditation is so important - if the mind quiets down, you can get glimpses of this truer emptiness - which is nothingness, stillness, peace. Once you can step drop below thoughts / feelings into that stillness, you will start to see attachments / identification with thoughts and feelings. Yet, this can be uncomfortable to the ego.

oh that actually helped me a bit. I do get glimpses of the fact that the emptiness of the present is liberating, but most of the time I get back into logic and reason and get sucked into the story that includes the future and the past. (which to my understanding is the right thing to do)

Edited December 1, 2018 by Viking

[NoSelfSelf]

@Viking then its like an emotion some thoughts triggers it there is your problem to inquiry...

[Viking]

1 minute ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Viking then its like an emotion some thoughts triggers it there is your problem to inquiry...

thank you I will look into it. although i feel like it may be something subconscious or physiological, not necessarily thoughts, because i also crave food, crave stimulation and become restless and bored with everything when i have that emptiness feeling.

[Jack River]

5 minutes ago, Viking said:

thank you I will look into it. although i feel like it may be something subconscious or physiological, not necessarily thoughts, because i also crave food, crave stimulation and become restless and bored with everything when i have that emptiness feeling.

To keep it simple we may want to look at this as a psychological issue(reaction-emotional/thought) response to what is the case(loneliness/isolation). 

There is the craving of or for food related to sensation which involves thought. And the resistance to boredom/restless as well. This involves very much psychological time. I’m not sure if you have heard of that though. 

Edited December 1, 2018 by Jack River

[NoSelfSelf]

@Viking everything is a thought(s) its like you lack something you are denying yourself so you try to replace it with food etc just assuming

[Jack River]

7 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Viking everything is a thought(s) its like you lack something you are denying yourself so you try to replace it with food etc just assuming

Fosho..the beginning of pleasure. Identification with past experience and we want such experiences again and again to self soothe. Without that sensation being re-experienced there is insecurity(feeling of impermanence) which can be associated with loneliness/empty feeling. We want that pleasure to fulfill that emptiness. Which is what feeds that same process of dependence/attachment/identification        (Reaction). 

Edited December 1, 2018 by Jack River

[Forestluv]

19 minutes ago, Viking said:

oh that actually helped me a bit. I do get glimpses of the fact that the emptiness of the present is liberating, but most of the time I get back into logic and reason and get sucked into the story that includes the future and the past. (which to my understanding is the right thing to do)

At first, I tried to get rid of the story and thoughts. It didn’t work. What worked for me was to become aware that the story is just a story. It’s just beliefs and self concepts conditioned into me. It was like I “POPPED!!” out of it and could see that this story I called “me” was just one story of billions of stories. There was no attachment or identification with the story. There was no judgement or criticism of the story. It was an neutral observer of some character. . . at first, these were fleeting glimpses into truth. I would pop back into the story. I would keep popping outside the story - in meditation, spiritual videos and readings. The “observer” mind state got more common and it felt more distant from the story. Then one day, the story was no longer the Main Act in town . It was merely a side-show.

[mandyjw]

Go into nature if you can or notice nature whenever you can. Every leaf and blade of grass is full of aliveness. It'll rub off on you. 

[ground]

15 hours ago, Viking said:

so there are 2 types of emptiness?

There are innumerable types of emptiness. E.g.1. The glass is empty of water (emptiness of water); 2. The purse is empty of money (emptiness of money); 3. sometimes my head is empty of thoughts (emptiness of thoughts); 4. the house is empty of people (emptiness of people) etc etc etc

[OneLittleHumanMind]

I have those very same feelings too. My emotions towards people have reduced, along with sexuality, sensitivity and seeing life as meaningful. I've also observed it as much as possible, and that has taken me nowhere. But I think it is so because we still have a very faint layer of ego (at least have I, don't know about you). And that we call an observer - still located somewhere, inside a human form. And because of that quite inexplicable sense of separateness, there's no love. We have seen that our definition of love was wrong and maybe we was expecting others to be something to deserve our love. Now we're somewhere in between, but we don't grasp that transcendent kind of love. It is normal. We can't fake it. So what I would say to you is, that inquire into your separateness. Try to pinpoint every feeling and thought it is hidden in. Contentment will follow, if you stick and feel accepting towards your emptiness. Remember that there has to be joy, fulfillment and love in life. Otherwise it's quite futile to live.

[ground]

It seems that still another type of emptiness, i.e. emptiness of feelings, could be helpful.

Now if someone objects that this would be negative or depressive then that's impossible. Why? Because emptiness of feelings and negative or depressive feelings are incompatible!

[Viking]

34 minutes ago, ground said:

It seems that still another type of emptiness, i.e. emptiness of feelings, could be helpful.

Now if someone objects that this would be negative or depressive then that's impossible. Why? Because emptiness of feelings and negative or depressive feelings are incompatible!

i guess what troubles me isnt the emptiness itself, but the desire i cant control to want some emotions or pleasure.

or rather, that nothing satisfies me.

Edited December 2, 2018 by Viking

[ground]

5 minutes ago, Viking said:

i guess what troubles me isnt the emptiness itself, but the desire i cant control to want some emotions or pleasure.

or rather, that nothing satisfies me.

But if nothing satisfies you that's perfect.  Why? Because this prevents attachment to and craving sth. It is just that you have to get rid of the feeling of dissatisfaction, i.e. his has to be neutralized to evenness. How can this be done? Through seeing the emptiness of 'I'.

[Jack River]

9 minutes ago, ground said:

It is just that you have to get rid of the feeling of dissatisfaction,

I noticed that the self will try and take control.  

The self seems to try and control its way out of dissatisfaction which causes dissatisfaction. A subtle form of resistance. 

Edited December 2, 2018 by Jack River