Unconditional love. Let food be thy medicine. Medicine be thy food.

[Aquarius]

Sorry guys I can't stop being myself. Why are you guys so afraid of yourselves? 

[Aquarius]

Spent some time with my father today. No more spitting fire. The Dragon is resting. 

 

[Aquarius]

Call me Alex you guys. (: 

It's not my real name, but I'm Alex so hi.

May I always serve the right Father. (The Sun) 

Don't worry Saturn. I take care of my health. 

[Aquarius]

No man steps in the same river twice, as he isn't the same man and it's not the same river. 

[Aquarius]

It's called discipline my selfishness about myself. 

[Aquarius]

 

[Aquarius]

I got what was wrong. I don't like people touching my "objects", and by "objects"/"tools" I mean friends because semi-precious stones are alive too. I don't use semi-precious stones as a tool, I think they are friends and I am collaborating with them, talking to them. I don't like wearing crystals as a mere jewellery, unless I have a deep connection with them, and this old lady kept giving me semi-precious stones that I didn't ask for when I wasn't ready to use them, sort of like trying to force something I didn't want. That is fine, I have forgiven her, and helped her by saying a prayer together with her that releases unwanted subconscious programming. Then I also removed unwanted inherited and uninherited programming. 

Sometimes I am not aware of my own self either.  I'm not an object either that's why I don't like when people disturb my stillness. I am at peeeeeace. ^^ haha. 

It's weird talking 4 languages, words get mixed up. I understand you guys on a much deeper level than I speak English because I am intuitive, but not all knowing.  Was just trying to love myself. I feel good in solitude, I feel good with people, I feel good doing nothing, I feel good doing anything. I am not my thoughts and I don't identify with my thoughts anymore. Thank you for all the help that I got from every person that crossed my road. Enlightenment isn't the end destination. Just a tool to remind us who we are. 

I feel like I went full circle and now I'm just trying to enjoy my life. I went full circle accidentally, but with the help of many people. I also went full circle very fast ayyy. Especially when watching Kaypacha. I can only talk from my perspective and give my own interpretations of the world. Because I am unique like all of you. And that is good! 

I don't like being called a dog or a puppy because that is insulting but many people treat my like a dog. I wanted to drive myself, not a car. I wanted to lead myself, not a dog. I am leading other people to Truth, and I am a very direct soul, but that's not being arrogant or selfish or "egoic". 

I've always been fine.

People who tell you only they can speak to God are pretty shady. God is literally love. Speak love when you open your mouth.  I know whom I healed, and then I healed myself too. I don't have any personality disorder, it's the medication that fucked up my belly and it hurts like a knife. People tell me: smile all the time! That's they trying to control me. I'm actually smiling but I'm smiling inside not always outside. It just hurt that I was intimidating to my loved ones but all is well. 

Edited December 30, 2018 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

Feel free to misinterpret.  

[Aquarius]

Cynical? Yes. Arrogant? Absolutely. Nihilistic? Eh. Wounded? Pretty much. 

[Aquarius]

No such thing as new year because time doesn't exist.  

 

[Aquarius]

This forum drives me crazy. (: 

[Aquarius]

Chameleon. No one's victim.

Lots of love that I have to give, blaming no one. Just being myself. I'm so eclectic, whom'st'ever'd'n't've't doesn't enjoy don't get too close, u get burned. Didn't mean to be this way. 

[Aquarius]

that feeling when too smart for books and have no job so you just preach your bullshit that you heard from here and there  

[Aquarius]

Walking my wae. Idk where it leads? Story of my life. 

[Aquarius]

aaaaaaaaaa holy shit i made so many mistakes i never learn aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

let me just make a drawing of it until i feel better or maybe write a poem or just throw out my laptop outa the window lalala

[Aquarius]

Or my phone. Or myself. We'll see.  

[Aquarius]

 

 

[Aquarius]

I am not posting in this journal anymore because I have had some negative experiences and I feel like the journal in itself started to serve the wrong purpose. I have to get more serious about my life, and this journal started to reflect how much of an unfocused hypocrite I became, literally making a joke out of myself on front of the whole forum. How pathetic can I be? 

It was amazing to go through all these altered states and climb up from Beige to Coral, and then letting go of the entire model completely because it didn't serve much purpose to me. It wasn't too pleasant to have hallucinations, it wasn't too pleasant to develop siddhis I had almost no control over, it wasn't normal for me to try to help others when I could have had worked harder on my career path choice, that is, of a visual artist and poet.

I am not giving excuses to myself, nor to others. I literally cast out energetic viruses from my body, freed myself from generational inhertited tendencies and now I became such a healthy version of myself that my mere physical presence is healing. But I do mean my literal physical presence, that doesn't mean I will sound or look healthy on the internet, including forums and social media. And I am very grateful for everything, "good" and "bad" alike. 

I have taken care of both myself and my family since my birth and the family roles got kinda mixed up, I've never been a child, I have no inner child, I simply exist. I choose not believe in mental illnesses, I refuse to, that's why I'm taking 100% responsibility for my life and my actions. 

Being 20 years old it means my personality is still developing, and doing all this workout for 15 years (or call it active meditation) did help enormously. I am grateful I worked out so much because now my body can handle all these shifts in consciousness.

I don't even come on this forum for help anymore and I am sick and tired of humor when it comes to personal development. If I wanna be funny I'll go create a channel for myself as I intended, a vlog or something. I make a choice to be serious on this forum, or I know I'll be misunderstood. I also choose to not take anything personally. You guys are amazing. Much love. 

[zambize]

45 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

I am not posting in this journal anymore because I have had some negative experiences and I feel like the journal in itself started to serve the wrong purpose. I have to get more serious about my life, and this journal started to reflect how much of an unfocused hypocrite I became, literally making a joke out of myself on front of the whole forum. How pathetic can I be? 

It was amazing to go through all these altered states and climb up from Beige to Coral, and then letting go of the entire model completely because it didn't serve much purpose to me. It wasn't too pleasant to have hallucinations, it wasn't too pleasant to develop siddhis I had almost no control over, it wasn't normal for me to try to help others when I could have had worked harder on my career path choice, that is, of a visual artist and poet.

I am not giving excuses to myself, nor to others. I literally cast out energetic viruses from my body, freed myself from generational inhertited tendencies and now I became such a healthy version of myself that my mere physical presence is healing. But I do mean my literal physical presence, that doesn't mean I will sound or look healthy on the internet, including forums and social media. And I am very grateful for everything, "good" and "bad" alike. 

I have taken care of both myself and my family since my birth and the family roles got kinda mixed up, I've never been a child, I have no inner child, I simply exist. I choose not believe in mental illnesses, I refuse to, that's why I'm taking 100% responsibility for my life and my actions. 

Being 20 years old it means my personality is still developing, and doing all this workout for 15 years (or call it active meditation) did help enormously. I am grateful I worked out so much because now my body can handle all these shifts in consciousness.

I don't even come on this forum for help anymore and I am sick and tired of humor when it comes to personal development. If I wanna be funny I'll go create a channel for myself as I intended, a vlog or something. I make a choice to be serious on this forum, or I know I'll be misunderstood. I also choose to not take anything personally. You guys are amazing. Much love. 

If you create a channel or vlog you should come back and let us know, best of luck

[Aquarius]

@zambize I am still visiting the forum to share insights whenever I have time. Or to share art/poems. And sure, will let you guys know about my vlog when I make it. But that's long distance goals, might take a few months or so.