The Dark Knight Rises

[Gladius]

This week is promising. There is a big chance of receiving a couple job offers I'm really looking forward to. I try to not have any expectations since any outcome is possible, but I couldn't help to think about it and discuss it with people. I hope it works out for once. However, if not, I'll keep using same strategy.

Regarding health everything is fine. I'll stop taking the L-Theanine for a week. I do have been noticing the positive effects like higher focus and memory, but also a mild headache that makes me feel uncomfortable taking it. Maybe I will be back to that in a period where I really need peak performance.

[Gladius]

It looked like impossible only one year ago, but it happened. My first paid writing project just started. Never give up, guys.

It's weird, but I want to write down how bittersweet the feeling was yesterday. I felt happy and calm, and confident this is the beginning of a career. However, I observed some sadness or grief coming up a bit later, like I was sorry for my past self. This didn't last though. The only thing is I'm even more desperate to quit my current job, but I'm afraid it would be still quite risky. In the past, I suffered from the "Icarus syndrome". When I get good vibes from something or someone, I try to hang on to that feeling advancing way too fast, and I need to remind myself it didn't work well. I will think about it these days and take a decision in a week.

Besides, I'm also trying to substitute my addiction to social media and tinder for language learning apps. 

Next week I'll reevaluate feelings and set goals as I start writing.

Cheers.

[studentofthegame]

Really glad to hear it mate. Very inspiring. It's always good to see hard work pay off. Well done ?

I know exactly what you mean about feeling grief / sadness coming up when you have experienced success. It happens to me too. I suspect it's part of the healing / growth process. And a sign that you are someone with empathy and compassion.

Congratulations!

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame thank you buddy!

[Gladius]

Since my "successful" writing gig a week ago, I had a few small victories over myself and others that really got me going. I remember Jordan Peterson talking about hierarchy, and how "success breeds success". My intention is to be aware of that and keep that "upward spiral" energy as much as possible. Every day, every interaction and every conversation counts. 

 

[Gladius]

As time goes by, I'm getting rid of some bad mental habits, and that's probably the thing number one that's holding me back in life. I will remind this to myself over and over, as much as necessary.

 

[Gladius]

As this year goes by, I can't help to start reviewing and analysing how it went. I will wait until after Christmas to set goals, but I will state now what are the issues I'm struggling the most, so I can prepare the new year accordingly:

- Work: It's my number one concern at the moment. It's robbing me energy, time and health. Some serious action will need to be taken in 2021. The good note in this chapter is my first paid project as a writer.

- Home: Living isolated will drive me insane. I will move somewhere more centric and sharing with likeminded people. I will decide this after the job, because I might move to another city or country, I don't really care.

- Relationships: As the year went by I tried to get rid of blame and resentment towards others, and focus on myself. 

- Health: Everything's fine here, but I'm still using hypericum and some nootropics to get by.

- Dating: I'm not specially worried by this one, but it needs work as well.

These are just some thoughts. I do believe I'm a better and "happier" person than one year ago. Final review will come in the following days.

[studentofthegame]

Well done for your hard work and breakthrough's in 2020. It's good to see an end of year review, and looking forward to seeing the final review and goals for 2021. It's a good time to look at the big picture over 12 months - what worked, what didn't, how can i apply this knowledge to my approach next year? I need to do the same!

Also looking forward to watching that ted talk you posted in your previous post. Thanks for that. Will set aside some time this evening to watch that.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame thank you very much, buddy. For all your feedback and support. I didn't acknowledge enough how important is to me your contribution to this journal. Knowing that someone out there is reading this, is key to keep me going. Looking forward your next post. Cheers!

[studentofthegame]

@Gladius thank you my friend i appreciate that. I also value your feedback in my journal. I see it like spotting for each other on the weight bench. And it's very inspirational and grounding, as well as just good for the soul to have a buddy who is also on a pathway and willing to share traveller's tales!

will do my own 2020 review today.

[Gladius]

Instead of setting a list of specific goals for 2021, which make me really anxious, I'm stating what I'm NOT going to do. These are the traps I still have been falling on, so just reminding myself of them over and over it's going to be useful:

- Victimism.

- People pleasing.

- Isolation.

- Being reactive in my relationships.

- Being passive-agressive instead of asertive. 

- Procrastination.

I started to have a good professional feedback lately. If I manage to avoid these traps, I'm pretty sure it's going to be a wonderful year.

[studentofthegame]

I like that approach and let's see how it goes. Wishing you a great 2021 and will be interesting to monitor your progress

[Gladius]

This Christmas vacation has been lovely. I allowed myself to do nothing, relax, watching TV, staying with family, letting my parents feed me, and so on. My batteries are now fully charged. 

Feeling strong enough to take a break from nootropics, hypericum and similars. My intention for the first two weeks of the year is to monitor my mood and energy and see how it feels. There was a bump the first days but so far so good.

[Gladius]

The first and foremost problem I'm facing these days is procrastination. The first draft of my project is due in 6 weeks and I didn't do much.

What I'm doing to solve this is sitting every single day for ten minutes to work on it. It doesn't have to be more time, but I can't skip one day. 

Spoiler: Once you're sitting there, you're always ending up working for more than 10 minutes, and it creates the habit.

Edited January 10, 2021 by Gladius

[Gladius]

Building mental strength is priority for me these days. Just being aware of how much my mind tends to wander (and it wanders into very negative places) is scary. There was so much energy wasted during years and years, all down the drain.

In that sense, it's been incredibly helpful this "Guide to meditation" available on Netflix. It's the first time I see that topic in such mainstream media, and it's a really good and simple explanation IMO. I loved the last chapter in particular. Maybe you like it @studentofthegame

Every time my head starts touring around Self-defeatingland, I bring it back. It leaves, I bring it back. So far, only by doing that I got more energy and libido. Looking back in this journal, this has been a leitmotiv, so I need to end that habit once and for all.

I will keep working on that and tracking results before any other big decision.

Edited January 12, 2021 by Gladius

[Gladius]

We are well into the year, and Christmas, New Years Eve, and my birthday have past. I'm feeling strong enough to set some goals for 2021. 

Usually, I don't consider political or economic climate to take decisions. However, we're under a hard lockdown at the moment. It sounds like an excuse, but probably is not best time ever to risk. 

If everything goes as expected and the world is opening up again, I'm quitting my job before summer. Until then, I'll keep looking for alternative income stream. Worst case scenario, I will take some months off and study something else.

[studentofthegame]

Yeah, the lockdown does present a different context. Recruitment has slowed down in some areas (maybe sped up on others). Plenty of time to plan ahead and make the right move.

Thanks for the suggestion on the guide to meditation on netflix - i'll be certain to check that out.

And a belated happy new year mate. Looking forward to seeing your progress over the coming months

Edited January 25, 2021 by studentofthegame

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame thanks, I'm confident of levelling up this year one way or another.

Every morning I'm spending around 1 hour time checking job offers. There has been already some interesting opportunities, and I'm also progressing with my side hustle.

Besides of that, I'm just trying to live on a daily basis as consciously as possible, and getting rid of any bad vibes, either from myself or others.

On February I'll have more free time, so the intention is to reorganize myself to be more productive and avoid wasting too much time.

[Gladius]

Feeling definitely stronger these days, I'm able to set mid-term goals for this year. The two things that are bothering are job and housing. On May I'm renewing my housing contract. After that, I'll be able to drop my current job and focusing my attention on something else.

However, on a daily basis I have an eye on flats and job offers to see if something catches my eye.

[Gladius]

These days I can see a baby boom around me. I guess it's an age thing, but it makes me conscious of how time is flying by, and I feel guilty of wasting it somehow. However, I'm happy of the progress I'm doing lately in my attitude and mindset. Changes are sticking. I must be doing something right.