The Dark Knight Rises

[Gladius]

- Meditation: Still listening to Mindvalley tapes. If I'm short in time, I do 15 minutes still meditation.

- NoFap: Not more than once a week.

- Social media banning 16 to 20: Working 100% for facebook and instagram. From now on I'll include the whole phone itself in this restriction..

Edited March 21, 2019 by Gladius

[Gladius]

- Meditation: Keeping Mindvalley autohipnosis every night. My confidence is really growing. I'm just wondering if it is a lasting change or is it going to vanish as soon I stop listening to them.

- NoFap: Relapsed a couple times this week. Haven't watched any porn though. It feels good.

- Social media banning from 16 to 20 working pretty well. Phone restriction not so well. Working on it.

[Gladius]

- I just had a little of a heartbreak and experienced a big ego backlash, Just Relapsed on NoFap watching porn. That was exactly a 4 month streak though. Not bad.

[Gladius]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to... Non-alcoholic April! I'm not gonna drink come hell or high water (besides the current goals)

[Gladius]

Weekly update:

- Meditation: Listening to Mindvalley audios until end of April.

- NoFap: Avoiding porn completely. Only fapping so I can sleep.

- Recreational use of phone restricted 16-20

- Alcohol and coffee restriction during April.

[Gladius]

Mantaining goals. All going well.

[Gladius]

Weekly update:

- Still listening to audios instead of meditation.

- Use of phone only essential from 16 to 20.

- NoFap: I hooked up with a former girlfriend. After 6 or 7 months without sex I really needed that. The problem is that she brought a wine bottle. In that scenario, alcohol was almost compulsory, it would have been really awkward if I had not drunk. Therefore, I had half a beer. Almost nothing, but unfortunately I couldn't complete one month without alcohol. I'll try again later on.

[studentofthegame]

Hi man. 

You’ve mentioned aging a few times. How old are you?

Were you using a mantra in your meditation sessions prior to switching to audio?

Keep up the good work.

Edited April 21, 2019 by studentofthegame

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame thanks! Did I complain about aging? I try not to. I'm 34. 

My meditation used to be just observation. I'm finishing this course next week and I'll be back to that.

[studentofthegame]

no you weren't complaining, just something I noticed you mentioned. i'm 35 (36 next month) and don't feel i'm aging as such. i'm looking forward to getting fitter and healthier than I've ever been over the next 12 months.

 

I admire your work these last few months. focusing on a few key things and not trying to do too much too soon. getting the foundations in place. 

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame yeah, I'm working on having more patience, so I thought this would be a good start. I do appreciate your words.

[Gladius]

Meditation: This is the one habit I created 100% solid. I didn't miss a single day since I started this journal five months ago. I do feel I'm more grounded and less judgemental.

NoFap: I relapsed a couple times to watch porn. However, I'm not sure if it's healthy to avoid masturbation completeley. Just being more aware of that.

Phone addiction: Still a bit hooked to that, but it has definetely improved.

Non-alcohol challenge: The problem with alcohol is this drinking culture we live in. Since thousand of years ago we have drunk to engage social activities. Alcohol lowers your defenses, that's why it's essential to bond with other people. I struggle with bonding, so I drank socially when I have the chance. Not because I need it, but because other people is more comfortable with that, so the relationship gets stronger.  Anyway, I do not have a drinking problem, just a social drinker.

Non-caffeine challenge: Done, no problem.

Overall, I gained more energy and focus. I stopped some people-pleasing habits and created more authentic and honest relationships with people. It's not easy to give up your old identity but it's worth making the effort.

May goals: Daily meditation, NoFap awareness, and dropping the phone

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Gladius

[Gladius]

Welcome to May!

- Meditation: Daily 15 minutes of observation or visualization.

- NoFap: Once a week tops. Avoiding porn.

- Phone addiction: Avoiding social media daily 16 - 20.

I found out a good way to regain confidence is placing some tiny bets with myself and win them. Even just playing some game with Super Nintendo and winning at it is valuable.

Overall, looking back since I started this journal the results have been positive, with some suffering included. My intention is sticking to these habits and generating some more instead of applying big changes to my life.

My biggest challenge right now is changing careers. Ironically I can feel some anxiety coming up as this goal is getting closer. It happened some times in the past: When I almost got what I want (job or a woman) I literally walked away from it. Hopefully raising my awareness will stop me from doing the same mistake next time.

Kind regards to Leo and all of you out there.

[studentofthegame]

Super nintendo! I love a bit of retro gaming.

Good work.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame Thank you! Yeah, having a little bit of fun it's not bad.

[Gladius]

Weekly update:

Meditation: Sticking to daily 15 minutes of either guided meditation or just breathing.

NoFap: Masturbation not more than once a week. Not watching porn.

Social media addiction pretty much under control. Since I deleted Facebook and Instagram apps from my phone, it felt better. Now I'm too much on twitter though. I'm just curious where my attention will be if I also delete it.

As I said in my last post, anxiety is growing bigger lately. I really struggle to keep up with a job that is draining my soul and at the same time working on my creative goals. Besides, my social life is resenting. I know I need patience, but hope to see some results soon, even tiny ones.

This evening I fought anxiety getting into the movies to watch the last avengers movie. It kinda worked. I did prefer Captain Marvel though. And that made me wonder why I ressonate so much with women and LGBT.

[Gladius]

I am working now five nights in a row, before I grabbed two weeks of vacations. I realized I turn to self help when I have bad days, like most of people I guess.

I learned today that if I want something it's not (only) what I do. I have to BE the person who deserves that job or that relationship. Therefore, I'll keep me accountable every single day for every action I do.

I've been all m life waiting to be that person. I am already.

[Gladius]

Weekly update:

Meditation: 15 minutes of daily meditation, just observing my mind. It does feel better.

NoFap: Definitely backsliding with this one. When I really kept the vow, I felt more confident and energetic, so I'll focus on that.

Social media addiction: I'm now spending a lot of time in twitter. I think that's better at least than Instagram or Facebook. Still I spend too much time on the phone.

 

[Gladius]

I have now almost 3 weeks vacation from work. I'm using this time to advance in my creative projects, catch up with interesting people and get in shape.

Reading over this journal it might look like I'm nuts, but it's just a useful tool to keep myself accountable about what I'm doing with my free time.

[Gladius]

Goals update:

Meditation: Haven't skipped a single day since last december.

NoFap: I can't help to do it when I'm having hard time sleeping, so need to work on that one. It definitely messes with my energy.

Phone addiction: Still finding excuses to check it too often. 

Right now my highest priority though is to shift careers. My current job is well paid but stresses me a lot. Even though I have free time, I spend most of it just couch binging, sine I have no energy left. I'm working on that and I do believe it will be possible in September / October, but it's gonna be a long summer.