The Dark Knight Rises

[Gladius]

If we could remove emotions from the equation, life would be so much easier.

The goal for this month was simple: Just complete the damn course. It was all going great, until the human factor came into play. 

It was not a big mistake, but it's convenient to remind myself to focus in what's important. 

Two more weeks to go. That's it. Forget about everything else until then.

[Gladius]

Training successfully completed, the goal now is to find a job. Step by step. 

I'm taking a break from nootropics for a couple weeks and see how it feels. Theanine was extremely useful for intensive studying.

Other than that, steady as she goes.

[studentofthegame]

Well done for completing your course.

What is the next stage? Is this to replace your day job while you work on your creative pursuits, or was this training for something else?

[Gladius]

On 25/11/2021 at 8:34 PM, studentofthegame said:

Well done for completing your course.

What is the next stage? Is this to replace your day job while you work on your creative pursuits, or was this training for something else?

@studentofthegame answered in bold, I wouldn't have said that better

[Gladius]

There's a new insight I do want to remind to myself because it does make a difference in my life. Sometimes I get emotional during difficult conversations, facing a conflict. It's a terrible way to carry out any kind of negotiation. Next time I hope to remain calm and deal with it with no emotions involved.

[Gladius]

This week I'm still having good vibrations. I already booked 3 job interviews so my new career path looks promising. Stress levels are low and that keeps me in good mood and high energy. The issue I'm encountering now has to do with women. I went back to online dating as I really feel the need. I'd like to invest my energy in something else more productive, as my belief is that dating must be a consequence of an interesting and healthy lifestyle. However, this is not a real problem so far, so I will just keep tracking what happens in that matter.

As a side note, sometimes my initial automatic thought when taking a decision is people-pleasing. Just reminding myself to think twice before acting and saying things.

Next and foremost goal is to secure that job. I'll prepare the interviews accordingly and make that my first priority.

Edited December 5, 2021 by Gladius

[Gladius]

A cool job has been secured. 2021's goal has been accomplished. Yippie-kay-yay.

However, the year's not over. I wish I could relax at least until past holidays, but things keep happening at light speed. 

In a couple weeks a huge opportunity as presented itself in my creative purposes, so now the main goal is to prepare for that as if my life depended on it. 

Regarding the online dating, it's taking over a big chunk of my time. I believe it's still not affecting my main purpose though.

[Gladius]

It's difficult for me to chill. Even though I accomplished my goals this year, I'm having a hard time to relax and find peace. There is still this constant thought like it's never enough.

These last years have been quite rough and that needs to be accepted. It might some time to fully recover and become 100% functional. Meanwhile, I'm gonna take it one day at a time. 

Online dating is over. My free time will be spent with people I love, doing things I enjoy, and being mindful about my health, needs and boundaries.

[Preety_India]

 

 

[Gladius]

Merry Christmas @Preety_India and everyone!

[studentofthegame]

Well done on securing the job! Congratulations. Also great news about the creative opportunity. Perhaps those two things happening have led to your restlessness and not being able to relax over Christmas? I personally found that Christmas came at the wrong time for me, I was building some momentum then felt that I had to 'let go' as it was Christmas. Perhaps you have momentum behind you and don't feel like slowing down, which is OK. Listen to your mind and body. Keep it up mate ?

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame 100%! You're starting to know me better than myself sometimes  thanks for your empathetic feedback and support! Happy new year buddy!

[Gladius]

Summing up 2021, it's been an awesome year. 

Careerwise, I got closer to my wildest dreams than ever. I can't tell what will happen in the future, but in that sense I can say I gave it all, and some good things started to happen. For the first time in my life, next year looks exciting at the very least.

My focus right now is health. I feel like I'm still dragging some burnout syndrome from all the craziness happening these last months. My mind is still telling me I'm in danger one way or another. However, it's slowly getting better since I quit my soul-crushing job. Thus, I'm confident it will take me just a few more weeks to get back my full energy. I just need to remind myself over and over to take it easy and focus on my needs. 

My main purpose for 2022 is just keep doing this.

Happy New Year everyone!

[Gladius]

As I predicted, as weeks go by, I'm feeling better and better. Doing -absolutely- nothing during the break worked wonders. 

On the one hand, looking back is so sad because I endured so much pain for no reason. On the other, for the first time in many many years, I'm really excited about the future.

This week I'm starting a new career path which fits way better my skills and interests. This was an essential step in my healing journey. My mind is in a more calm state since last summer. Many of the worrying and negative mental loops I was usually stuck in are not happening anymore. That is translating in my brain not segregating cortisol 24/7 as it used to do. Therefore, the inflammation has been dramatically decreased, and its effects on my body are negligible now. I don't need to mask the symptoms with medication or supplements. Please never allow distress to become an integral part of your life.

My intention is keep being aware of this process, focusing mostly on my health and the new opportunities arising.

[Gladius]

As these last weeks I'm feeling comfortable with my life I'm not really sure what to post. I'm loving my lifestyle, loving my job, and listening to my body and mind to meet my needs. Probably the next step is probably finding a long-term partner to share stuff I guess. However, I believe that will be a by-product of keeping doing my own thing. Therefore, steady as she goes.

[studentofthegame]

Sounds as if you are making fantastic progress. If you were ever to review this journal i think it would be quite an emphatic read! Maybe a bit emotional too!

I know what you mean about not being sure what to post. I'm sure there will come a point where this particular journal has run its course for you. I have been thinking about this myself lately. I have started a new therapy which I will post about, and I have a big year ahead which I will document on my journal. After that I will consider moving on. I like the idea of a very small group of like-minded people offering support and accountability on a platform, but i'm not sure what that would be.

Anyway, keep up the good work ?

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame the progress during these last years (in particular the last one) is undeniable, and this journal is big part of it. However, I feel somehow still in the midst of this change. It's like I'm now catching up with "normal people", if that makes sense. Hopefully I will be able to definitely close this chapter soon, although there are still a few things left to handle. I might start a new journal though, because it has been a really useful tool.

Thanks for your role in it, mate. 

[Gladius]

Stress is barely a thing anymore and I'm making progress in my current career. I'm loving the way I organised my life this year. The drawback is I still have too much time on my hands, which leads me to overthinking and phone addiction. Some days I'm still relapsing to my oldest self.

I'm slowly taking up exercise again, but I'm lacking so much of the energy I had in the past for that. My guess is that such a huge change in relatively short time took a toll in my body, so I'm taking it one day at a time. 

[studentofthegame]

@Gladius i share your perception of 'catching up with normal people'. It does feel like that doesn't it. A good reminder for oneself is that everyone is on a journey and is on their own path.

Keep it up mate.

[Gladius]

@studentofthegame thanks! Sure, I always keep that in mind

My energy is increasing little by little. Even though those are good news, sometimes I'm not really sure what to do with it.

A further step in this journey is socialising. During close social interactions, I eventually noticed pent-up anger and frustration taking over. Since I spent much time by myself, this is usually not an issue. I'm not really aware of those emotions that can burst forth when dealing with people. Up until now, my social life just barely consisted in pleasing others. From now on, it will be on my terms.

A spin-off from that is sex. Most of my life I felt like missing out a lot of sex. I met many women via app which helped with that. I had more action since new year's that ever before, which I assume is a good symptom. However, I do want a long term partner, and I'll be more intentional on that since I have targets on mind.

The idea now is to start planning free time in a more healthy way. I will try to fill it with sport, culture, and more of my interests. 

For the time being, I'm not planning any more concrete actions to be taken, because I feel on the right track. My number one priority is still my health (mental and physical).

The rest will follow.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Gladius