I found my true self.

[inFlow]

*note, not a native English speaker.

It's consciousness. I'am this thing called god. I'am the one. I'am conscious of myself. I always was myself, but believed to be someone else.

Rolling back to yesterday.

Sat around the house, ordered pizza to eat with my wife, the evening was kind of a mini celebration that she got a new job. Also we vaped weed as well, we kinda randomly stumble on some serious mystical experiences while we're high and my wife loves them. Anyway we talked something deep about our relationship, we kinda opened our hearts out to tell the deepest of truths that we hold on to each other. Then a bit later on we kinda changed topics and went spiritual, started asking questions. I can't remember how it actually happened, but somehow randomly I just stumbled on the question like "How am I, I?" "How is my wife, herself?" And then I was like "wait a minute, can it be true that I'am my wife, hmmm, how can I be myself? Why? Maybe I'am just consciousness perceiving everything from this body who is able observe and thinking that I'am something else?" And then it clicked. I consciously understood that I'am everything. I'am me, I'am my wife, I'am also my mom" and I'am also you who is reading this post! Then I said that to my wife! And her jaw dropped when she heard about it. In her mind it also clicked. We were so excited of this insight. Then I like looked at her and felt like I'm looking at myself looking at myself. Then we thought about everything that could pop in our heads. And the boundaries and our projection of good and bad were melted away in an instant, everything seemed good. I thought that we need to test this out. Then the theme of rape rose up. I asked her how do you see rape now, and my wife actually thought that you could seriously enjoy some rape. Nothing bad about it. Like our notion of BAD has vanished, everything that we considered good, bad or we saw fear on something just POOF, as it never even existed. Everything seemed perfect! It's just the way it's supposed to be. Also death is good. You cannot die. You will always be.

Interesting thing I felt in myself particularly that moment of the conscious understanding was that I felt a separation inside of me. It was as if a fake me and the real me was split in half and I could feel them inside of me. Inside I felt two sides, on the left the "god, consciousness, everything" me and on the right the "ego, self creation" me. And the ego felt like it was gone. He was never even there. I was shocked to found out that my whole life I wasn't who I always thought to be. I clearly found out my true self! I'am consciousness. There was no me in the first place. I'am everything. I'am everyone of you reading this post right now, but the ego separates us, you see yourself as a separate being which is false and therefore an illusion.

Also I thought about how people are worshiping god praying to it, seeing it as a higher being than himself. The understanding can't happen if you see yourself as something else than god itself. You will never find it from the ego mind, you create it and fall into the trap believing that you are lower than "him". The notion of an external entity is false.

I still can't answer the question why there is something rather than nothing, I tried, but the answer was that this is nothing, just total nothingness, but I think that this didn't answer my question really. I couldn't understand the answer so I thought I need more time to found it out. But the one thing that is clear for me right now is that I found my TRUE self as everything. I feel compassion to everyone, seeing everyone as myself, just behind this ego smog. And I think I will never try to convince people the truth, because they won't understand it. I will just enjoy this state as much as I can. I still think I will go back to my old ego self (hope not, or not so fast). I kinda feel it creeping a bit on me. I had dreams that I was fighting with with my wife. So the ego is resisting as usual. Hopping for the best.

[non_nothing]

1 hour ago, inFlow said:

I'am also you who is reading this post! 

[Bauer1977]

For there to be nothing is impossible. What if there was no universe, no God, nothing at all. There would be no awareness of the fact that there is nothing. So it wouldn't matter anyways. God created the realm of illusion and separation because experience and creation is better than just having stillness and perfection. Something is better than nothing. That's it.

[inFlow]

@non_nothing LOL the last one, but it's true.

[ActualizedDavid]

@inFlow how long did the experience last ?

Are  you different in day to day life ?

[Shin]

[isabel]

that is amazing, thanks for sharing

I've not seen my true self yet, but I did see the nothingness, it's not nothing but it's not something either, it is nothing but within the nothing is the potential for everything...at the time it was perfectly clear but idk now if that's even right...

[inFlow]

@ActualizedDavid This insight was experienced yesterday. My name is Rimvydas, but lets call me Remi for short. I just can't say to myself that I'am Remi anymore.  Today I just feel super great, so so happy, just enjoying being this body, loving it the way it is, it's a great feeling to give love to a living being that im conscious of right now. But in the background I kinda feel the ego comming back, but it's so so subtle. Still Im hoping to keep this state as long as I can. I have a long ways to go still.

[inFlow]

4 hours ago, isabel said:

@isabel I've not seen my true self yet, but I did see the nothingness, it's not nothing but it's not something either, it is nothing but within the nothing is the potential for everything...at the time it was perfectly clear but idk now if that's even right...

Pretty much thats how I saw it aswell! It's quite accurate to my experience.

[ground]

Quote

I found my true self.

Now 'self' is what everybody feels from the outset. However if someone claims to have found 'true self' that's something special.

[Shin]

8 minutes ago, inFlow said:

@ActualizedDavid Still Im hoping to keep this state as long as I can.

Please don't.

That's the reason why you will loose it.

[inFlow]

1 hour ago, Shin said:

Please don't.

That's the reason why you will loose it.

I totaly understand what you are saying, but I will be on the look out if the ego reaserts itself, because I had a couple of experiences that were really powerful to me, and I always end up back to my ego self. So im kinda used to the idea that it might come back. But it gives me strenght to keep doing what I'am after.

[inFlow]

By the way now that I remember prior to the evening in the day time I did some Posture exercices which had some interesting forms. Heres a pic of one that I did. I dont know if it had something to do with this experience, but I never did yoga prior to that day (im planing to do it in the future). Still maybe it gives somebody any clues.

Edited December 1, 2018 by inFlow
bad vocabulary

[Charlotte]

@inFlow Many hip opening postures release emotions. 

[VioletFlame]

@Charlotte Yeeeess. My god girl, when I first began yoga I would have these sudden incidences of crying, particularly during hip opening postures, and it was because these random traumatic memories would start to arise which ultimately led me to having these powerful emotional releases, which is just what my soul needed. They've done numbers for me in alleviating the emotional stress I had carried in my lower body for so many years. Growing up, and into my teens it amazes me how I didn't even realize how much trauma was stored in my body until I began yoga, so I am super duper grateful for that. ? 

[Nahm]

@inFlow It is pretty funny isn’t it?   Happy for “you”! and the Mrs. too.      A thought, consider that maybe the illusion runs deeper than identity.  I mean, if there’s truly only one...it’s you. Might help with the “something rather than nothing”, not that you need any help. ❤️

[inFlow]

@Nahm Yeah it runs way way deeper than I think.

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

“something rather than nothing”,

I figured out the "Why can't it just be nothing" my answer "You have to have something in order to have nothing, so there has to be something the existance itself to hold nothing, and this is kind of nothing". But I can't figure out why did it come into being. The answer WHY. What is it's purpose. Will I find it out for myself if I work on it? I kinda don't want any early spoilers. Reading the answers doesn't answer the question for me. I gotta experience it for myself.

[Nahm]

@inFlow Godspeed. 

[Charlotte]

@VioletFlame Yes!! ?? It's amazing isn't it! Such a powerful feeling also. It literally feels as if it's making its way up and out and then such a deep immense emotion arrises. So glad it's helped you through trauma ❤️

Yoga can guide you to and through many shut doors if you trust and accept.

[Leo Gura]

@inFlow Good work. You saw the Ox.

Now to catch and tame him.