I am stuck in the past and I hate the present

[Ampresus]

I miss the old days. I miss going to school without any concerns. I miss my old teachers. I miss my old habits, even though they were very bad. I miss being the old me. I miss not caring about other people and staying in my own room. I miss gaming with the funniest people on the internet. I miss laughing for several hours straight with people I have never seen irl. I miss the me from 5 years ago. I miss the me from 10 years ago. I miss looking at twitter to esport players and watching stupid videos. 

Hello everyone. This is a little bit sad I know, but I thought maybe you guys could help me out. I am a 14 year old boy who just started doing all this work. I only started 2 months ago with reading books and meditating. I stopped gaming and with that the community, I stopped eating unhealthy, I stopped being lazy. Now I am dominating in some kind of friend group, I am literally an attracting machine. The girls touch me over and over again and all the guys look up to me, but I don’t feel much better. Yes I am less socially awkward, but that got swapped with not having good laughs with friends. All these people have never been this close to me, some only just know me. I think I am losing my mind.

Whenever I am alone somewhere in school and there is a break. I look to the primary school on the other side of my school. All those kids, playing with each other, having so little concerns. So peaceful. I don’t want to get out of that world, but if someone finds me fantasizing about them they would think I am crazy.

I thought this was all I ever wanted. Being in an actual friend group without involvement of games, having girls who like me and act in ways to get me closer to them. See them make mistakrs while I am in the present moment when we talk. Being muscled and eating healthy. Reading books and gaining knowledge. 

I struggle with loneliness. This is something I recently discovered. Now some of you might think I am crazy because apparently all suffering is conceptual or whatever. I know that people have too much involvement with the mind. If that is what it is called. And when I am mindful all those emotions go away. I just wonder how in the world I could maybe get that kid-feeling back in my life. I am clearly too stuck in the past.

[Jack River]

First sorry dude. We feel ya.  

What if the past and the present are the same movement of thought only there is an “apparent” seperation between the experiencer(present) and the experienced (the past) which brings about the conflict?

Edited November 30, 2018 by Jack River

[Myrox]

If we are going to go with linear time then it is a part of growing up. You sound as if you may have grown up quicker than others your age but just try to remember, ‘you are where you are supposed to be’. Sounds like you have an exciting life path in store. 5/10 years from now while others are still playing video  games full time , you’ll be doing something to change the world.

[ZZZZ]

It sounds like you are taking all of this a bit too seriously mate. It's great that you are pursuing healthy habits in your life, but at the end of the day, you need to realize that none of it matters if you can't just sit back and enjoy it. It sounds like you might be a little too concerned with your outward appearance, your "progress," or what other people think about you. You will start enjoying yourself a lot more when you can just be yourself and be a little "weird" without having to be the macho enlightened popular guy. Just be yourself and have some fun. Things will clear up as you age and get through this turbulent (but fun) period of your life. You'll wish you were a teenager again too.

Edited November 30, 2018 by ZZZZ

[Shadowraix]

1 hour ago, ZZZZ said:

Things will clear up as you age and get through this turbulent (but fun) period of your life. You'll wish you were a teenager again too.

Can't stress this enough. 14-18 is a major point in your own growth and everything feels like the world is ending at the time. You'll then mature then realize how absurd you were. Its a very emotionally driven point in your life, feeling more than thinking. This improves as you age.

Remember that to the present moment you live in, the past and future do not exist. You only hate the present because you are resisting it. Accept it in its entirety. 

[7thLetter]

It's just a phase

[purerogue]

Everything always seems more positive,or negative when you look at past depending on what you are concentrating at , it is nice to remember good times, but the thing is that you remember only the good moments, not all boring, soulless moments you had in between thous good moments, after few years you will think that you had wonderful life 5 years ago. 

[Joseph Maynor]

What about the future?  You don't talk about the future.  You need past, present, and future.  They function together.  See, Vision has to do with future.  Future has to be treated properly in Personal Development Work.  This is something that is hard to keep in proper perspective because in Enlightenment Work we focus so much on the present.

Edited November 30, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Ampresus]

13 hours ago, Jack River said:

 

First sorry dude. We feel ya.  

What if the past and the present are the same movement of thought only there is an “apparent” seperation between the experiencer(present) and the experienced (the past) which brings about the conflict?

 

@Jack River You mind explaining this? I don’t clearly understand it.

[Ampresus]

13 hours ago, Myrox said:

 

If we are going to go with linear time then it is a part of growing up. You sound as if you may have grown up quicker than others your age but just try to remember, ‘you are where you are supposed to be’. Sounds like you have an exciting life path in store. 5/10 years from now while others are still playing video  games full time , you’ll be doing something to change the world.

 

@Myrox I guess you are right. I know that there is not much wrong with the path itself. The only problem is my view of it.

[Ampresus]

13 hours ago, ZZZZ said:

 

It sounds like you are taking all of this a bit too seriously mate. It's great that you are pursuing healthy habits in your life, but at the end of the day, you need to realize that none of it matters if you can't just sit back and enjoy it. It sounds like you might be a little too concerned with your outward appearance, your "progress," or what other people think about you. You will start enjoying yourself a lot more when you can just be yourself and be a little "weird" without having to be the macho enlightened popular guy. Just be yourself and have some fun. Things will clear up as you age and get through this turbulent (but fun) period of your life. You'll wish you were a teenager again too.

 

@ZZZZ That is the thing man. After I stopped gaming and wanted to gain some kind of power over people, I thought about how to have charisma. Turns out you gotta just be yourself. I know that I would surpress myself in being “too funny” or “too attention whory” because some reactions in the past about it made me anxious. Now I couldn’t care less about that. It gave me more power and attention. 

I realized a few days ago how you should take everything with a grain of salt. I guess I should start doing that.

[Ampresus]

@Joseph Maynor About the future: I don’t know my life purpose. I discovered in school that I like history, geography, economics and math (if I understand it). Recently I became more interested in the EU and want to read more about it. Th thing is however: future is so goddamn far. And when I talk to old people they tell me how I should enjoy my life while I am still young or else I would regret it.

[ZZZZ]

57 minutes ago, Ampresus said:

@ZZZZ That is the thing man. After I stopped gaming and wanted to gain some kind of power over people, I thought about how to have charisma. Turns out you gotta just be yourself. I know that I would surpress myself in being “too funny” or “too attention whory” because some reactions in the past about it made me anxious. Now I couldn’t care less about that. It gave me more power and attention. 

I realized a few days ago how you should take everything with a grain of salt. I guess I should start doing that.

As a young kid you probably looked up the teenagers who had muscles, charisma, friends, etc. and now you are that person. Right now you probably look up to some older figures in your life for various reasons, and once you find yourself in those shoes, you might start taking that for granted too. We only ever have the present moment; that's the only true reality we get to experience. When you reminisce about the past, you are doing so in the present moment. You are indulging in mental fabrications instead of releshing in the situation you find yourself in right here and now.

I played a lot of video games as a young kid too. I still remember the times when I could sit on the computer without a care in the world for hours at a time. It's rare that someone your age is even as aware as you are now, but you still have a ton of growing to do. My recommendation is to just stay humble, authentic, and enjoy the present moment no matter what the circumstances. You will make plenty of mistakes along the way and stray from your path, but you will live a happy and fulfilling life by keeping those things in mind.

 

Treat life like a game if you want to. You'll find that it basically is one after all. Be your own hero and RPG character. Build you stats, explore the open world, make friends, and complete quests. You can't beat the boss at level 10 when there are 10,000 levels to obtain. If you mess up along the way, so what, it's just a game. Just pick the controller back up and keep going. There are no save points to go back to in this life.

[CuteCornDog]

I feel you.

[kingroboto]

lmao I'm sorry but kid, you are 14. You are too young to be talking about missing the past. 10 yrs ago you were a toddler. Is that what you want to be? Perpetually living like a baby? It's good that you are being conscious of things at such early age but bro, many people here including myself started their spiritual journey very late in life. Don't stress and just know that you have time to fuck up and figure things out. 

[Ampresus]

@kingroboto You are right man. I don't miss being a toddler, I miss the things that are involved with being one. Parents who always care about you, watching Pokemon early on Saturdays, enjoying my fucking life man. I had no worries back then really. Now all this chaos and conflict inside my head makes me stressed out. Meditation learns me to calm down and I hope one day to reach enlightenment and not suffer anymore. If that is possible.

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@Ampresus hey dude, I totally feel you. And wow you’re only 14 and already getting into self development? Good for you! I can understand where your coming from and I am also feeling just the same about this. But here is my intake, in life your sometime going to have to make sacrifice in life. Like no games, no drugs, no more partying. Yes it does suck but know that this is what your future self would want. And I remember what Gary Vee said he said “ Get ready to eat shit for the next 10 years” before anything good happens in your life.

[Ampresus]

@ExodiaGearCEO Thanks for responding. Beautiful quote btw, I guess sacrifices are needed to please the future me.

[ExodiaGearCEO]

@Ampresus no problem bro keep us update on your journey man!