Feeling Exploited

[Paan]

Hi

Im in a relationship with a woman who has really bad personal development, she has been very depressed. Now she has been seeing a therapist and it all seem better and better now for her. When she is feeling good she is an amazing woman and thats why I love her.

I am like you all here very interested in personal development and enlightenment, I can by my self actualization see how she is feeling and why she sometimes reacts the way she does. She is very fragile so I have to watch how I behave and such to not cause any drama. And when she gets anxious (very often) she takes it out on me. I know what is going on and im trying to just be with it and not getting angry at her. But I feel there has come to a point for me were I dont want to take it anymore.

We have been togheter for 2 years now and for me it feel like its not a mutual relationship. I dont get anything back, I always have to give kisses and hugs first, I always have to take the first step to sex and intimacy. It is only me who cooks and grocery shop,I even serve her food beacause I am of that nature that I want to be nice in all possible ways, I mean why not? She dont give a damn about if im stressed or tired. I have told her this 5-6 times over the years and all she gets is really angry and thinks i am dorky.

The same time I say this and we argue I have said I want to break up, but I never pulled it through. Now she just makes me feel silly and I feel she is taking me more and more for granted. And thats my fault.

I know that a man shouldnt be this needy but it sucks that I feel so exploited and ignored. Now I just feel that I myself has ruined this relationship because I was showing my needyness and that I cant break up. It feel that we are togheter for the wrong reason, she uses me for stuff she dont want to do herself. And I am foolish enough to do those tasks. She even told me once when we argue that I have to suit myself for doing all. I dont even get a thank you.

Sorry for my english but I hope you can read it!

I actually am not a needy person but it seems that way because I love her and I would anything for her. I would problably be like this in other relationships as well and thats fine for me, I just dont want to be taken for granted or exploited.

[poimandres]

6 hours ago, Paan said:

The same time I say this and we argue I have said I want to break up, but I never pulled it through. Now she just makes me feel silly and I feel she is taking me more and more for granted. And thats my fault.

I know that a man shouldnt be this needy but it sucks that I feel so exploited and ignored. Now I just feel that I myself has ruined this relationship because I was showing my needyness and that I cant break up. It feel that we are togheter for the wrong reason, she uses me for stuff she dont want to do herself. And I am foolish enough to do those tasks. She even told me once when we argue that I have to suit myself for doing all. I dont even get a thank you.

I can tell you don't want to hurt her feelings. You are not coming from a place where you purposely want to hurt her by breaking up.

That being said, examine your paragraph above. It's not two way street right now. Sounds like you maybe almost losing yourself trying to keep her happy.

There's never a good time to break it off with someone you have feelings for.

It will only agonize you the longer you wait, however, you will need to decide when or if the bridge will need to be crossed. The choice is yours to make.

[Paan]

@agnosis thank you for the answer. 

Yes I am aware that I have to make that decision. Probably im scared and thats why im not deciding to break up. On the other hand I also dont think that my life will improve by changing relationship. I really have to work on myself and maybe that is easier when beeing alone. 

You got me right on point that im kinda loosing myself when trying to comfort her

[TivoliBob]

I was in a relationship with a woman like the one you describe for 19 years.  Then I left.  I just moved away.  I miss her very much.  I wish I had not left, but there is no way back now.  I am with another woman now and I am now the dominant one.  But I think that my true nature is submissive.  Think about your true nature.

[Paan]

@TivoliBob thank you for sharing that. It might be so that I to am submissive in nature. The question is why, like Leo mentions in one of his video that he was a people pleaser. Is it something wrong with being that? Am I not looking deep enough to see the core of the problem? Its not that I Agree on everything, I just rather do stuff right away than argue about it

[reez]

@Paan

It's about neediness. Are you so damn needy of other people's approval that you gotta do EVERYTHING for them. Then you are a people pleaser. There is nothing wrong with helping or pleasing other humans in itself. But are you stepping over your own beliefs/limits to do something that you actually don't really want to do? Then you are too needy of yourself and need to build up your confidence.