Family environment while on path of growth

[Javad]

Hey guys

I've been dealing with this issue that i believe a lot of people also face.

I've been raised and programmed the way i have been, and now I'm "me". and ever since I've started this conscious effort of personal growth and self actualization, and now have committed myself to deep understanding of reality and truth, I have faced this problem with my family which has 2 parts:

 

1) The more I get rid of my old paradigms and belief systems and grow out of my culture and religion's way of thinking, the more i have to kinda hide my beliefs and world view from them and whenever they get out, we'd have arguments and they feel like they need to "help me submit back to the right way of thinking and looking at the world" which in this case is conservative islamic view.

At least i kinda found a balance to sort this problem out (thanks to Leo's sameness and difference + what is love videos, and my contemplation, i look for love and sameness over our surface level differences)

But the 2nd one is what's bothering me more and it is:

2) This programming of mine from childhood to now (20 years old) makes me who i am, and has a lot of flaws. Now i have significantly grown mentally and in understanding compared to 3 years ago, but my destructive habit loops (like sitting in front of the pc for almost the whole day) and missing out on family meals and (even though my love for them has gone 10x higher) i dont show much love in my actions and spend time with them.

This makes them feel so bad, and they don't know enough about my inside and how bad i feel about this and how i WANT TO show them love and not neglect other aspects of my life and yet don't do it because i feel powerless to the habit loop, and so they blame and flame me and get angry abd sad at me, and since I'm an empathetic person i feel their pain of my actions and so now i feel bad both about myself and i stack up their pain

 

This 2nd issue is really eating me up, and even though i intellectually have solutions to the problem, i keep submitting back to the loop.

 

Others of course wont have the exact same issue, but anyone with an issue about "knowing you have problems and wanting to grow but others who you care about also blame and demotivate you from growing" i think could use some help!

[Anna]

I understand what you mean. I face the same problem(s) in similar ways.

My thoughts on the first part: Center of gravity (stage development). Of course they want to pull you back down if you are moving up.

My thoughts on the second part: You need to find a way which feels good and authentic to you. I had the same problem several years ago. Eventually I found a way to communicate with my family without getting into huge discussions about my life/values/goals. There are things we can talk about and some things I only communicate to other humans. They will never understand the spiritual goals I have or what I'm truely concerned with, but I'm fine with that.

Try to deeply understand their way of thinking and where it comes from. At a certain point you will be able to meet them where they are at and it won't be a problem to be around them or show love to them.

I also show love to my mum and dad differently. One way won't work for both.

[Javad]

Makes sense. Yeah i also tried to put a space between my love for them and our different beliefs. The problem is in me acting the way i do (the habit loop)

I've been digging deep inside my own head to find solutions. I thought asking for others' perspectives is a valuable way to get some new insights i didn't think about myself.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience, i'll keep it in mind