goodbye actualized.org

[Baotrader]

 @Leo Gura First, I would like to thank you for all the content you provide. You are one of the most compassionate human beings i have known. The content is just too valuable.  I have made up my mind to leave this world. I do not make this decision out of the ego but through serious thinking. My family and I have been slaves to money our entirely life. I don't want to be a part of this any more. We have gone through great deals of suffering just to maintain current conditions, not to achieve anything better. I see no reason to continue it further. I have no talent to change it anyway. Since my childhool my father has made it clear ( I also realized it myself though ) he gave birth to me because he wanted to have someone to take care of him when he got old or could not work anymore. The same went for my mother. The reason I have been hesitating to end my life is just because the pain I would have to go through. As if there's a way to have a peaceful death. I might have to go through physical pain anyway or try sleeping pills with alcohol. Hoping there would be no asshole to bring me to the hospital

@Leo Gura  Your upcoming videos are one of the things i will miss the most

[zambize]

Wooooooaahhhhh slow down, at least let me talk to you on Skype quick?  At least tell me your full story?

[Pilgrim]

"When you stand in front of me and look at me, what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do I know of yours. And if I were to cast myself down before you and weep and tell you, what more would you know about me than you know about Hell when someone tells you it is hot and dreadful?"

This is a quote from Kafka, and like he says I do not know your pain and I am sorry that you have to go through so much, in no way do I want to diminish your suffering. But already through your few words I can sense a kindness coming from you and I wouldn't want to lose such a kind person to this world. Sometimes the tunnel is long and dark and you cannot see the light at the end, but the trick is to keep moving nevertheless. 

20 minutes ago, Baotrader said:

As if there's a way to have a peaceful death

You know there is, just not in a physical sense. You probably saw Leo's last video and you learned so much already to know that it is possible to transcend suffering. Your mind is speaking from a point of pain, this pain is also clouding your judgment. I understand that, if you are in pain already for a long time, you might have forgotten how it feels not to be in pain. But keep in mind, that you are projecting your future based on your current emotional state. This emotional state is not fixed and does change. 

Why do you believe you don't have talent to change your situation? 

 

[Leo Gura]

@Baotrader Don't be rash. This is not a good idea. There are ways to rise up out of whatever challenges you have. That is the power of this work and spirituality.

Give it another chance. It will be worth it.

Temporary states of depression are very common, especially in young people. The key is not to overact to them. They will blow over and you will feel better. It's impossible to stay depressed forever. But you have to make sure you don't do anything rash or foolish in that state. Never make any major decisions while in a negative emotional state.

Lean on folks here for emotional support. Folks here will help you.

You can PM me if you want to talk about it.

 

[YellowButterfly]

@Baotrader Guy, if you don’t like your situation you’re kinda in the right place. Even situations like yours aren’t hopeless. Hard but not hopeless. What could it hurt? Maybe try and stick it out to see if pursuing Spirituality and Enlightenment could help. If it helped me it can help you. And you say your decision’s not being made out of ego. I would plead you to try and see if that’s entirely true before you do something like that.

Edited November 27, 2018 by YellowButterfly

[Matt23]

I can't say I've felt as you've felt because I don't know.  But I do know I've felt immense, long lasting (years) of emotional/psychological pain and have at times thought similar things.  Feeling that it will never end.  

Recently I've started spending time every day, and whenever I start feeling those familiar negativities rising, practicing giving my self love and working on "growing" or cultivating that feeling.  It takes a bit of work, but I find if I stay with it, even for a moment, that love feeling can dissolve pretty much anything and reduce my suffering a great deal.  

I find it helps to think of something that makes me feel love, even the slightest, and then "hold" and try to accentuate that feeling even more.  Growing it more and more until it dissolves the negativity, whatever it may be.

I hope and wish for you all the way to where you are.

I love you very much.  You are beautiful as you are.  

 

[Charlotte]

@Baotrader Would you like to talk about this before doing anything rational? I'm happy to Skype call? ❤️

 

[GabrielWallace]

@Baotrader

A big reason you see no reason to continue it further is because you believe you made the decision "through serious thinking."

Why would you want to make such a critical decision based only on "serious thinking"?

Before you really make your decision, you need to exhaust other ways of deciding just so you know it's really not the complete wrong decision ... For instance, have you tried making your decision through 'playful thinking'? Or... through 'creative thinking'? Or even forgetting about thinking and getting to a decision through 'love'?

You cannot see if your decision is either right or wrong unless you have put aside 'serious thinking' and made the decision from all the other perspectives. Otherwise you are making these big decisions while half-blindly trying to see the answers in the dark.

Let me know how it goes. ?

[VioletFlame]

Please don't drop anchor here, please trust me this is not the way. I totally feel what you're going through I really do kid I've been there and it was one of the hardest things I had to go through in life but ultimately it had led me to a realization that it was only the true beginning. This is where spirituality comes in and is your ally, is your guardian, is your compass. This is where your wings will grow even more and you will thrive as a star in the night, and fly with the shooting stars.There's so much beauty & wonderful experience that is still on it's way to you and that is within you. So much transformation. I know the future might seem hopeless or unimaginable at the moment but try to trust it like the moon trusts the sun. You are so beautiful and there is so much beautiful power within you, there is so much magic within you. What makes your heart sing? What is one thing you truly love about life and love learning about life that speaks to you, that calls to you and makes you come back for more? Really think about this. That one little thing can save your soul. 

You can channel this pain in ways that can heal you. I don't care what it is whether you have to scream your fucking head off into a cushion (this actually really helps) cry your face red, kick, curl, scream, melt just let this thing fucking out like you're exorcising something, but not on your whole life you have so much ahead of you honey ❤️ and write, please don't hesitate to write me and to the rest of us on this forum, we are here to help you. ❤️ You are strength, you are Warrior. ❤️

Edited November 27, 2018 by VioletFlame

[Mafortu]

To quote a suicide survivor

“I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”

[VioletFlame]

@Mafortu Beautiful.

[Sukhpaal]

@Baotrader I know times get tough, I've had a history of suicidal problems and depression. Just know I love you, and so does everyone else on this forum. Don't give up.

[Anna]

Wait, wait, wait!!! I know how it must feel. I've been going through tough phases in my life, too. I've had this thought several times myself, but believe me there are options to get out of this situation. PM me if you want to!  Life is too beautiful to end it that way.

[ground]

2 hours ago, Baotrader said:

 @Leo Gura@Leo Gura ... I do not make this decision out of the ego but through serious thinking. My family and I ... Since my childhood my father has ... The same went for my mother....

if your self identifies with autobiography and family then what is this other than "ego"?

[luckieluuke]

@Baotrader Please don´t do anything rash! When I was depressed for a few years this Ted Talk was one thing that made me feel that I was not alone in this feeling and there is a way out of it

 

[Joseph Maynor]

Hang in there.  Depression is often temporary and a sunny day follows a cloudy day eventually.

[Rilles]

Hang in there kiddo. Every book has a dark chapter. There is so much beauty and so many lovely people in the world. Most of them are here,  talk to them! Climb of out your pit! We love you! ❤️

[SpaceCowboy]

Don‘t give up! Everything in your life is fixable. It will just take perseverance, effort and a willingness to suffer through it. 

I you want a power tool for trauma healing/personal growth, then start talking low doses (ca. 100ug) of LSD in regular intervals (p.e. 2 weeks). It will help you to work through your problems quicker, as it raises your consciousness.

Once you grow to a certain level, simply being alive is joyful, whether you have a lot of money or not. Everything material will be bonus.

Good luck!

[Enizeo]

Why not wait a bit? You will die at some point anyway and will therefore have enough time to be dead. The world wants you and your creative gift! You are beautiful and unique. People love you and more people that you do not even know yet will love you too. And you will love them! Keep going, you already see that you have our support, no matter what! <3

[mp22]

First, don't do it because in reality this is the only Life you got and you can make it work.  You're not some useless creature.

Second, for the actualized folks, what is the issue here? life is a dream, it is meaningless and it will go on forever. Death is not real and is not bad.  You are God and cannot die etc.  We are constantly told all this but when shit gets real everyone seems to behave as if this life IS important, it's NOT meaningless and maybe death is kinda bad.