Can't find "The most important thing to ME" +plus showing you How to do Inner work

[non_nothing]

Problem is stated in the title?

What would you offer for a solution. What are your methods.

 

Here's the inner work I did to resolve my problems: (You can do it too! help yourself)

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Inner work:

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Do I need to find an answer for that question?
I'm just curious

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Why I need to find an answer for that question?

I want to finally arrive at a place where I can love my life. If I just see why this is all happening and it is meaningful to me, then I'd have the peace. This is not an obstacle that EGO creates, It reveals itself often inside me. (Prolly ego has said that)

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What if there's no meaning for this question? What if there's no answer to that question?

This question I (yes I, sigh fuck this) find meaningful. If there's no answer to that question that means I'm doomed. There'll be no joy in my life and life will all struggle day after day. Getting random days where some days good some days bad some days suffering some days pain.

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Can everyday be the same? I guess you can say it can't be. then Can everyday be at least the same quality?
Days cannot have qualities, but we feel and say they have. We say there're good days, there're bad days. If there was such days, It'd be same for everybody. So we create the illusion of "good days and bad days" We define days.

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Okay so It's clear that we're creating this illusion/ defining days. So we better focus on why this illusion is created in the first place. And we don't know where to investigate. Let's ask simple questions such as "Describe the illusion with a few words, if you forget, re-read last 10 or 20 sentences and ask the question again"?

It feels like you feel unworthy when you don't do things that are not meaningful to you, even the worse is on some days you don't do anything at all. 

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What's so bad about doing nothing?

You can't make a living by doing nothing. At least when not having any business running/ already going on thing. 

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Are there anything else bad about doing nothing?

 I don't think so , at least right now.

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.Could you say for sure that if you had no financial problems (making a living), doing nothing is not a bad thing at all?

I'd say yes, but not 100.000% sure, there always might something go wrong

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How do you feel about financial problems?

. It feels like thinking of financial problems blocks me enjoying the world as it is. If I haven't had financial problems I'd either do nothing or do the things I like . But guaranteed I would not be thinking about financial worries as an hobby LOL. Anything else I would do.

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.What's the relation of meaning and financial problems?

Ah yes, you're clever and smart. You've revealed that. The thing stuck inside me was the statement of "Earning money while doing something meaningful" So that generating value to the world wouldn't be a PROBLEM at all.

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.Would it really matter if you somehow with no effort you are able to generate value/money,  so would It really matter it to be meaningful or not?

I'd say It wouldn't matter but If I had the choice I'd choose the meaningful thing. Also the not-meaningful thing would have a potential to become an agony in mind. Rather like "fuck this is lame". It wouldn't make sense "why this generates any value/money while me doing nothing and this is not meaningful to me". I guess in order to stay in the borders of question, simply I'd say meaning is important so that I'd feel worthy and feeling doing something important in the world.

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Keywords grow:

(Financial problems) (Not feeling worthy) (Meaning) (World, people, help)

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Should you be doing something that contributes to/helps to the world/beings so that you feel worthy?

It would help

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.Is doing something contributes/helps to world meaningful thing to do?

Yes it is

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Are there 100% none else meaningful thing to do except helping/contributing to the world?

I don't think so, there can be other things that are meaningful doing for me.

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If there was no one on the earth, would you feel unworthy? [*]

Feels like so, but I guess I'd get used to that feeling. (Loneliness)

Relationship discovered: (Loneliness = unworthy) (further questions: What would make you feel worthy)

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What are some possible other things that are meaningful without having impact on people?[*]

##### don't know #####

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Should you be really doing something in order to generate value/money? Is it the only way? You said "It's lame, I don't do anything yet generating money/value"

. At least one have to had done something in the past that would generate value in the long run. Without doing anything, I don't really know such power at this point how it would be possible that.

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[*] stars indicate this needs to be worked on separately.

Note: my brain is fried after this inner work.