What if you are in your lower self 99% of the time?

[MM1988]

I know I shouldnt interact with people when in the lower self because I'm just miserable, cant focus on them at all,will pity myself or if I can fake it for a while they will at least definitely know something is up.

The problem is I'm in my lower self 99% of the time. I just sit in my room lonely, not motivated to do anything. 

I can use meditation or sedona to release these negative emotions and it will work for about an hour and then they come back.

Or maybe I'm feeling good for a day and I think this is it, I finally made progress. And the next day I'm back to zero. 

There was a time where I just hated work days and on the weekend I could relax and have fun with a videogame. This is not possible anymore, I'm suffering on the weekends now too. I cant bring myself to even play a video game or watch a movie or really do anything. I talked about this with my parents and they are very worried about the direction my life is heading, alone, no relationship, smoking a lot, really no happiness in my life. I can tolerate going to work for now but I wonder for how long.

If I had to describe how I feel its just wave after wave of sadness. It doesnt matter if I'm conscious of it or not, the waves come. Its just my normal way of being. And I dont know if thats really a way to live life. At my worst times I think about suicide a lot I just cant sustain a normal level of happiness.

Edited November 25, 2018 by MM1988

[Anders901]

Stop masturbating, eating sugar and smoking.

All of those habits that make you feel good for a short time, strive to get rid of them.

I wish you all the best.

 

[Rebec]

@MM1988

5 hours ago, MM1988 said:

this is it, I finally made progress.

If you're using the Sedona Method and you have above thoughts on your life, you haven't accept your bad days, your just rejecting it, that is resistants...'whatever you resist, persists'.

So maybe the Sedona Method isn't the right method to use right now. Try instead of Sedona Method, the allowing whatever is technique. This way you stop the fighting against yourself; check letting go by Hawkins or Youtube Channel Kyle Cease.

5 hours ago, MM1988 said:

Its just my normal way of being.

5 hours ago, MM1988 said:

The problem is I'm in my lower self 99% of the time

These are both beliefs about yourself, build from past experience, try 'the Work' Byron Katie, to change these beliefs.

What is the payoff? What pleasure, satisfaction are you getting out of the current situation your stuck in? Because if there isn't a payoff, you would be able to change your behavior inmediatly. 

6 hours ago, MM1988 said:

I can tolerate going to work for now but I wonder for how long.

Anxiety (hussle letters) = any exit

What do you fear? Why do you need a exit? If you identify what you deep down need to escape from, and learn you can accept these deeper inner escape feelings, your life will change. Shine light on your fears, they hate it

 

[Vipassana]

walk barefoot on the ground

get enough sunlight

stop masturbating

eat better foods

challenge your physical body

pick up a book 

experiment with psychedelics

 

Change doesn't happen all of a sudden, Patterns keep continuing themselves. You need to realize your mind is always doing what it truly wants to do at all times meaning the quality of your life is inevitable considering what "you" have desired your whole life. In other words, you are responsible for how you feel and you will be responsible to change how you feel and the way to change how you feel is to change how you think and change what you do. 

Little steps add up. Leo has amazing books in his list where you will be told everything you need to hear from other people as far as theory goes. The other step towards actualizing your happiness is action. 

Emphasis on connecting with your natural state of being free from toxicities, and with an abundance of fruits & superfoods. 

Your higher self-flourishes when your body which is the vessel your higher self-resides in is free from the toxic environment. 

 

[jane_ryder]

As Vipassana said, change doesn't happen randomly as a miracle. Push yourself, but not too hard. I'll try and try to focus, work, read, watch TV. Somedays though, the best thing is just to give up for a while. And never forget that can you ask your relatives for help. You're not alone.
Try to do something meaningful when you feel down. On a bad day I try to do at least something that I consider meaningful in my life. I'll read some pages of a book, have dinner with my friend and so on. This way, when I go to bed, I'll have something to be proud and grateful about.

[Nahm]

@MM1988 When you’ve had enough of your self imposed suffering, you’ll start to make changes. The littlest change, changes the entire trajectory. But no one can suffer enough for you. 

By self imposed, I mean; sleep, diet, exercise, meditation, yoga, how you think & talk to yourself & others. 

Soon, it will just click, that you are choosing to do the things which make you suffer.

Then you’ll start making different choices. 

 

[MM1988]

Update:

About 2 weeks ago after intense suffering and brute forcing sedona something in me shifted and I was able to allow emotions. I was not suffering despite something going wrong in my life again. I felt lighter and was able to cry and let my emotions flow. To my surprise I was able to maintain this for a full two weeks.

This weekend the suffering crept back on me, things didnt go as planned and I was resisting once again. I thought I had lost it. Last night I had a horrible dream and woke in the middle of the night with intense anxiety.

Today at about 2PM the shift happened again. I am able to let the emotions flow. I dont know what it is but I'm glad its back. I can feel it in my stomach, it feels lighter. I will probably lose it again in the future.

Edited November 26, 2018 by MM1988

[MM1988]

@Nahm About 2 years ago I was suffering intensely, suicidal thoughts every day. After a big panic attack I said to myself this is it, and started meditating daily, and I havent lost a day since. I ordered tons of books, gave up alcohol and weed, worked on my diet.

But the progress isnt gradual at all, I had many times where the suffering came back as strong as it was before even though I thought I were over it. I had more panic attacks after that. I made zero progress with romantic relationships and had more things happen in that area that hurt my self esteem. I had days where I was on a high and thought I'm over it only to fall back the very next days. In my darkest days I think of all the effort Ive put in so far and see that I'm still inside that hole. Its even more demotivating. But I will keep trying to get out of it.

Edited November 26, 2018 by MM1988

[Nahm]

@MM1988 Sounds like overall you’re doing pretty well. That “hole”, is it from patterns of negative thoughts about yourself? Have you tried therapy / counseling?

[MM1988]

@Nahm Its a combination of negative thought patterns about myself, my past and anxiety about the future mostly concerning my romantic life, sometimes my health. a lot of nihilism, boredom and low self esteem mixed in.

 

No therapy yet

Edited November 26, 2018 by MM1988

[YaNanNallari]

You might have different things surface each time. So it might be similar process reoccurring that is helping you allow whatever resistance there is. This being the case, things will get better over time, even if slowly at first.

 It might be that you're very sensitive to certain things as of now and your body is quite desperately asking you to spend more time with your emotions. I'd recommend simply sitting and letting things be more, learning to be more compassionate, maybe staring at your hand like Leo says, in a very simple manner.

 

[MM1988]

@YaNanNallari you are right but I cant spend my whole life sitting at home watching my emotions. I'm just sensitive to everything. I got rejected by a girl 3 weeks ago and it still haunts me daily whereas every normal person will brush it off immeditately.

[YaNanNallari]

@MM1988 I hope you the best, maybe you'll catch a break somewhere or there will be a bigger breakthrough that'll help you out

[MM1988]

@YaNanNallari Thank you a lot. Its either this or therapy.