Winds Of Change

[Cato Barbatus]

Name: Hans Jakob
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Location: Estonia

Occupation: Student
Marital Status: Single
Kids: No
Hobbies: Making videos / movies, airsoft, military, war(not the killing, only the machinery, weapons and science behind them), meditating, playing guitar.

I'm a person who has a thrive to make something. I was planning to become a software development business owner with my classmates, but in late january i realized that this is not what i want to do my whole life. Something changed about me and/or my classmates what made me go away. Now i'm on my own to figure my life and passion out and become a man. Self-development seems to be the only way to it. People like Leo and Elliot Hulse have lead me on a path that is going to make my life whole, but only if i actually learn and think. Which the biggest problem for me. I procrastinate and let my mind away somewhere where it's not doing anything. I've seen signs of improvement, but there's still a lot to do. This blog will hopefully force me to think on these subjects and actually develop myself while i write these posts.

Since i don't have my classmates software team anymore i need to do something myself. Because money is the only thing in this world what can keep me alive (i'm not fascinated by the idea of growing my own food anytime soon). Recently i've started to work on two ideas what i could turn into a business and what i'm passionate about. One is about airsoft and other is about making peoples weekends better with food. I'm going to go in to more detail as i go on, but it'll do for now.

I want to make sort of a journal or footsteps for myself. I'm going to do my best to post here every sunday about the progress of my business and mentality. 

Every post includes a youtube video so i could keep in touch with my need to edit and film videos. Video itself would be accompanied by explanation of what i did the whole week.

Hopefully this blog helps me write down my emotions and feelings. A place where i can feel free. 

What every post is going to include (if i feel like it i might do random posts in the week too) - 

Gym / health progress, meditation and mentality, business progress and everything associated with it, recap of the whole week and of course, a video.

 

Every kind of feedback or advice is always welcome. 

P.S : Seems odd for me to write about my relatively normal life while everyone is journaling about much greater problems then mine.

P.S 2 : i've already done vlogs about my last two weekends. You can see 'em here:

 

 

[Cato Barbatus]

07-feb-2016

 

First post, how'd i do?

 

Business

This week i finally finished my airsoft business plan. Got all my ideas written down in a proper manner. Now whenever i need i can watch a clear and pure business plan. I'm also going to a consulting about my business to get some knowledge and how-to's about business in general next week or so. It seems that my airsoft business is starting to take shape. Only obstacle now is me and my friends i'm doing it with. They are my long-time friends. I've known some of them since kindergarten and some since 6th grade. Only two of them seem fit for the job though. Everyone else is kind of jerking around and not doing anything.It could be because some of them are in 9th grade and they haven't grown up yet. I have to look and think who i'm going to take with me, because i don't want any freeloaders on this project. I have to make them understand my vision on some level and rest is up to them.

My other business didn't got anywhere this week. This food project is done by me and a girl from my class. All i did with her was a single apper full of ideas, but you got to start from somewhere. We'll see how seriously she is going to take this. More important is how seriously i'm going to take it.

 

Mentality, mind work

From mental standpoint there was not much progress. I barely meditated and didn't sleep that much. I was probably occupied by homework and creating a business. I've also started to play more videogames lately, which is fun, but i really should be investing more time in books and meditation. My mind has becomed a ball of strings again what i have to open. Next week i'm going to meditate every day, with candlelight. I suggest an app called Calm for meditation. It has some of the best tracks that make your mind peaceful. Recently i've discovered vaporwave. For some reason this music has made my mind a little les tangled.

 

Plans, life

I'm staying at my friends place next week. This week felt really awful at home and i just have to get away from here. Not that my parents are beating me or something. The constant consumption of TV by my parents and my little brother makes me feel awful. My gut just told me that i need to get away from here. Probably something to do with the need to get my own apartment or a house and live by-myself. As an independent person.

 

Physical health

Wen't to the gym, felt good. No serious pains or anything like that. Expect for a small painful area in my mouth what hurts when i brush my teeth. Got to look into it.

 

Best of luck and prosperity to all.

This weeks video as promised:

 

 

Edited February 7, 2016 by Cato Barbatus

[Cato Barbatus]

14-Feb-2016

 

Second post

 

Thoughts

This week i stayed at my friends place. It was really refreshing change. This week has been one of the most thoughtful and relaxing for a long-time. Because i quit working with people who i wanted to make a software business together i've had a lot of free time. That time has been put to making sure that my grades are fine, my meditation needs are met and that i can be alone if i need to. Not constantly at a meeting or in a video conference or making pixel-art 24/7. Not that i have anything against hard work, i just didn't want to do that short-term work that barely had any fulfillment to me.

Some-time this week i thought about two interests of mine. One is a peace of mind, meditation and having the best possible mind condition. Other one is military. I really love all the technology military uses. I like guns and shooting them, whether in video-games, in real-life or in airsoft. I also like wars for their historical value. I don't like killing at all, don't get me wrong. Life in its entirety is precious to me. One is peace and other is chaos. Can i live with those both sides in me? The way i see it, yes. I need to take the best from both and put that shit together to make the most of it.

I've also been rethinking school and business.

To me school is mediocre path which i think very likely will destroy me and make me into a slave. I can already see it in some of my classmates and how they're turning into something dumb and soulless. I don't want to be like that. I'm surely going to finish school and end those 12 years. But should i go to college or university? Should i go to a business school which very likely will prepare me for a business consultant job or something like that? (which i don't want to be) or should i take the time after that, do my time in military (which is mandatory in my country) and then travel the world? All the opprtunities are overwhelming and confuse me. Should i do that? No, that's even better. Wait that's EVEN better and faster and safer and whatnot. Maybe life is too big for me to understand yet or i've just taken too big bite out of it to chew.

One problem is though that i'm comparing myself with my previous software team. It's like a pointless race between us. Who gets results faster, who has made profit this year, who can laugh at other in few months, who has more power, who is better. It's pointless to think like that. It doesn't mean that i shouldn't develop myself and be better person. But why should i compare myself with someone i don't even like and try to be like them. That's just stupid if i think about it now. I need to stop comparing myself with them and bring some actual value to my and my friends lives. Not try to be someone who they expect me to be. Basically, fuck 'em. 

 

Business

Airsoft business went better this week. Me and my friends discussed the pace what we should take. I realized that i've been going too ham at it. Without thinking stuff through and being clear what i want to do and what needs to be done. I need to take time and think about it. About what business i wnat to create and who i need to be to do that. Because the person who i'm right now most likely can't to it. So i need to change myself to become the biggest version of myself.

My other business - 0% progress

 

Mentality, mind work

I meditated three times this week but it didn't help me that much. I'm probably doing something wrong which doesn't let me tap into the state needed to have a proper meditation. Then again, what is proper meditation to me?

Goal #1 - Find out what meditation works best for you.

This morning i watched Leo's video "The 6 Keys Of Powerful Communication" This made me realize that my communication skills aren't as good as i thought. Main problem is assertiveness. So the next weeks and months i'm going to take all those things through and work on them. 

Goal #2 - Get better at communicating with people.

 

 

Physical health

Body - destroyed. I tried out 5x5 training program. The exercises in there released so much of testosterone in me that i could feel it inside me. And the next day me and my friends went to gym to do calisthetics which was even harder for me. So i doubled my pain. I've never been in so much physical pain and tired at the same time.Although i feel great because it released something that made me happier but man... i can barely walk properly. But as with everything, time fixes everything.

 

Overall i'd say that this week was good. I felt sad, hapy and angry. Some dots are now connected but there's a sea full of dots that still need connecting. Peace out and see you next week!

This weeks video is bit shorter thatn usual, didn't have time to record as much

 

 

[Cato Barbatus]

22-Feb-2016

 

Third post

 

I feel free. School is not worrying. Homework used to be such a problem. If it's done correctly, at the right time and so on. Now it's just a thing that i do as much as needed in areas that interest me. That free time is put into things i love. Gives life a meaning.

 

Business

At this stage i don't know what to do anymore. Where to start, how to get the starting money and what excatly do with it. Some ideas here and there but haven't found any good changes where to earn some cash. I could use some business consulting. Not an article from internet but rather a person who already own a company who would talk me face to face. 

#Goal 1 - Find someone with a business who you could get advice from.

 

Mentality, mind work

Haven't done it that much. Which again has been because how do i do it? Haven't learned anything about it and don't know proper way of doing it. 

#Goal 2 - learn more about meditation and basic how-to.

 

Physical health

I can see progress everywhere in my body. Arms, chest and 6-pack are getting stronger and have more shape. I've also started doing core strength exercises which have helped guite a lot to keep my body strong for good.

This weeks airsofting took it's toll. Legs are really tired. Same goes for my back, being a sniper is not good for it as it seems.

 

Thanks for reading and peace out!

Here's this weeks video, bit short since i always forget to film stuff with my camera

 

 

[Cato Barbatus]

29-Feb-2016

 

Fourth Post

This time i have so little to write. I have noting in my mind to write and i have no footage to make the vlog. 

I'm scared, full of blind fear. My dream to open my own business gets closer everyday. The Law of Attraction works EVERY.DAY. The people needed are just coming to my life. And the fact that these people have come here has made things going. It's just my job to keep things going. 

Last week i got together with a girl who i know for years. Yesterday i learned A LOT of knowledge about how business actually works. Not the things you're told in seminars and in the articles on the internet. I got the real deal. Made me realize it's a hard lifestyle, but i'm up for the challenge.

In all in all it's all very unexpected. I feel like i didn't do anything to deserve this. I'm grateful for the opportunities that opened to me, but i'm stuck in the "why i got the opportunity" rather than "oh wow, a change, let's use it now!" This the kind of shit i need to stop. Asking why can be good sometimes, but if i ask it always on every occasion, i just stand there "why is this happening" and not take action on everything.

Last week i skipped 2 days from school and got one day off because it was my country's Independence Day, so that was a day off anyway. I was in school for only 2 days. That gave me time to think, rest, gather myself and spend time with my girlfriend. It felt free and i actually got to do something that i like.

Life goals took some shape. I realized that i'm often overdramatazing things. Which is basically a form of whining. I need to take world as it is, not whine about it and not overdramatize things happening to me or others. From life goal standpoint it's not something that should be a trait in my personality.

 

Goal #1 - Don't ask why, just do it.

Goal #2 - Don't overdramatize, take it as it is.

Goal #3 - Get that meditation how-to and actually do it, not like last week.

 

Sorry that there's no video, i really don't see the point to show you how i run for a couple of miles.  

But for so long, peace out and keep growing yourself.

 

P.S

I completed last week #1 goal, i found people to help me make my business who have been in the game for 25 years. But i totally forgot about meditation. I didn't do any last week, but i really should and i really want to. It has helped me to clear my mind in the past and that's something that i could use right now.

[Veggies]

Keep up with the airsoft business – you dwell in a growing economy. Meditation gets better over the years, the beginning can be very rocky.

 

Veggies make me fart

[Cato Barbatus]

06-march-2016

 

Fifth Post

I'm not sure about the form i should take when i write this. I'm just going to write it as it comes and make a little bit organized for a better reading experience. 

Anyways, this week was pretty normal in school. Pretty usual, nothing special. Some goofs, some gafs with classmates here and there. Main thing for me was to force myself to go to school. Previous week i barely went and i barely wanted to go this week. And i absolutely don't want to go in the upcoming week. I've lost the point of going to school. I hoped i would learn how to be a better and smarter person. Which i did, but not thanks to school.

This is the way i see school right now.

School - Time-robber, creativity killer, mood taker and it lets unnecessary people have bad influence to me.

Not being in school - More time for my business, girlfriend, myself and with the activtivites i love to engage in.

So what's the point of being there. Because i don't want to follow the "stay in school for just in case, maybe you change your mind or something goes wrong so you can get a job to keep you alive" moto. This may make me think that "hey, job is not that bad of an option, maybe i should just give up my dreams, it's much easier then" which i dont want. 

This feeling had gotten even stronger now that my parents told me that they've been saving a lot of money for me to go to university (or college). Although i think it's smarter to invest the money into my business. But nevertheless i'm still held back because of my fear... and i still don't know what i fear when i've got nothing to lose.

 

Now to the other topics in todays program.

Physical health - nothing, i didn't go to the gym for a entire week. I feel really bad about it because my body is screaming for exercise. So i did some light lifting with my dumbbells to cover the workput need for today.

Mentality has been the biggest growing part this week. For some reason my mind worked really hard this week. Maybe being with my girlfriend and making most of my free time gave the needed stress relief to make it work better. We'll see how next week goes.

 

I don't nothing else to say now, other than that i got to keep going with the same pace and maybe even go faster. But for the moment, i feel really good  Take care.

 

Here are those glorious 18 seconds i was able to capture this week.

 

 

[Cato Barbatus]

7 hours ago, Veggies make me fart said:

Keep up with the airsoft business – you dwell in a growing economy. Meditation gets better over the years, the beginning can be very rocky.

 

Veggies make me fart

Thanks for the words of encouragement, i appreciate that someone actually reads what i write