what to do about desire that cant be fulfilled right now?

[Viking]

I am having dreams constantly about this desire, it floods my mind often, but it just cant be fulfilled right now, so im suffering a little often. What do i do about it?

in vipassana they say it's impermanent, so if the desire arises, look at it equanimously, it will pass. im doing it (as well as i can), but i still dont like that impermanent suffering it arises. im doing isha yoga daily now, 15 min, so meditation I guess is not the answer, only long term maybe.

I want to have in this topic as much perspectives and ways as possible to deal with this.

[bejapuskas]

Try watching this, it has helped me  

 

 

 

[Viking]

20 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Try watching this, it has helped me  

 

 

 

wow, a little long and i dont have too much free time, can you point to some specific times in the video and maybe ill rewatch the whole thing later?

[bejapuskas]

@Viking I think you should consider watching the whole thing  Teal Swan is a good channel, if you cannot solve your problems in the Leo style...

[Joseph Maynor]

If it’s a noble, essential, and authentic desire, it becomes part of your Vision.  Your vision is what you’re focused on when you do your work.

Edited November 24, 2018 by Joseph Maynor

[Hellspeed]

Learning Tantra, you will not suffer again. 

Maybe is just me, I'm very into women hahaha...

[aurum]

@Viking

What is the desire?

Sounds like you are surpressing.

[Viking]

6 hours ago, aurum said:

@Viking

What is the desire?

Sounds like you are surpressing.

romantic relationship, but its truly unattainable for the next year due to environment, so im looking for ways to cope

[kieranperez]

@Viking so in other words, your needy for someone?

[Viking]

.

Edited November 25, 2018 by Viking

[Viking]

3 minutes ago, kieranperez said:

@Viking so in other words, your needy for someone?

not in the usual sense, because ive never been in a relationship. its more of a biological thing

[kieranperez]

1 hour ago, Viking said:

not in the usual sense, because ive never been in a relationship. its more of a biological thing

There's no "usual" or "unusual" form of neediness. Neediness is neediness. "It's more of a biological thing" is just an excuse. I'm not saying this with the goal of belittling you but you need to understand that if you were well within yourself, you were actually happy, you really accepted yourself, this "need" would seem stupid. I want to make the distinction between need and want. Wanting someone in your life is very different from needing someone. The reality is you don't need anyone. That's just a fucking fact. Having a genuine authentic desire to be with someone independent of needing someone that comes from a sense of lack (and a lot of people say they have that authentic desire but they only say that because they're just so needy they don't know they're even lying to themselves). I haven't gotten laid in over a year now and not a single day goes by I actually feel like I need someone or really want someone. I don't really have the desire or have a day I miss being in a relationship and I've been single now going on almost 3 years. 

There's a deeper problem you need to address and to me it reads pretty loud and clear: "I need someone to help me feel full because I don't like myself."

[okulele]

visualize. It has the same effect as having it. Just imagine that you already have what you desire

Abraham Hicks' approach could help you here.

Edited November 25, 2018 by okulele

[Viking]

4 hours ago, kieranperez said:

There's a deeper problem you need to address and to me it reads pretty loud and clear: "I need someone to help me feel full because I don't like myself."

i thought so for the past 2 years  ive been reading books, watching videos, but i didnt become any better.

most people can't live well without friends and people surrounding them. thats our nature, were social creatures.

i noticed isolation makes my mental health worse, while i wasnt desiring any friendships. maybe youre ok being alone, as i am, but it damages you in ways u don't know. unless youre enlightened or something, which would take lifetimes to achieve.

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, Viking said:

i thought so for the past 2 years  ive been reading books, watching videos, but i didnt become any better.

most people can't live well without friends and people surrounding them. thats our nature, were social creatures.

i noticed isolation makes my mental health worse, while i wasnt desiring any friendships. maybe youre ok being alone, as i am, but it damages you in ways u don't know. unless youre enlightened or something, which would take lifetimes to achieve.

But the thing is (I think) that by relying on friends and having girlfriends to be full your problem will only get worse. 

There's one solution that comes into my mind. Find yourself a spiritual minded girlfirend that also pursues enlightenment. Then your needs will be satisfied, you'll be able to focus more on the important stuff. And you won't be distracted because your partner is also going in the same direction sounds like a solid plan to me


 

[Viking]

1 minute ago, Salvijus said:

But the thing is (I think) that by relying on friends and having girlfriends to be full your problem will only get worse. 

There's one solution that comes into my mind. Find yourself a spiritual minded girlfirend that also pursues enlightenment. Then your needs will be satisfied, you'll be able to focus more on the important stuff. And you won't be distracted because your partner is also going in the same direction sounds like a solid plan to me

yeah but the whole point of this thread was that i cant get a girlfriend in the next year because of my environment, so i need ways to cope

[Salvijus]

15 minutes ago, Viking said:

yeah but the whole point of this thread was that i cant get a girlfriend in the next year because of my environment, so i need ways to cope

distract yourself with something. watch some cartoons or tv shows. Community and rick and morty are a great shows that are not about sex  

[kieranperez]

4 hours ago, Viking said:

i thought so for the past 2 years  ive been reading books, watching videos, but i didnt become any better

Do the practice. Reading a business book that tells you how to become rich isn’t what makes you rich. You have to actually do it. Reading a book about how to get more girls isn’t what gets you more girls. 

4 hours ago, Viking said:

most people can't live well without friends and people surrounding them. thats our nature, were social creatures

i noticed isolation makes my mental health worse, while i wasnt desiring any friendships. maybe youre ok being alone, as i am, but it damages you in ways u don't know. unless youre enlightened or something, which would take lifetimes to achieve.

No. That’s a story that someone told you. I am more fulfilled and at peace when I’m alone. If you’re going to make excuses that’s totally fine but the only reason you’re not happy by yourself is because you don’t accept yourself and because you can’t be with yourself. You fundamentally don’t like who you are and are trying to run from yourself. If you’re going to cover that with neediness and then rationalize that as “we’re social creatures” and believe that you can but that’s still fundamentally not true. You can be happy no matter what but you’d love to have some fake relationship give you the very acceptance you won’t give yourself. That by the way will never work because so long as you don’t accept and love who you are nor can you actually truly sit with yourself in solitude, you won’t be able to accept the love of anyone else. Enlightenment doesn’t really need or have to take lifetimes depending on your level of commitment. 

[Jack River]

We may soon see that desire itself implies fulfillment to be attained in time(future). 

Desire is a movement of self from the past/present and fixes its own state of being on the conditions of the future. 

Can fulfilment be found in time, or is it always unconditional/timeless? 

Desire=time dudes. 

Edited November 25, 2018 by Jack River

[Matt8800]

@Viking When you meditate, investigate yourself for feelings of attachment and let go. The practice of letting go of attachments is something that continually needs to be exercised until it becomes natural.