I am afraid of women

[saffron]

This is a deep inner demon I have been battling for years now. It has been driving me insane and I want it to stop.

Backstory: I grew up in a more fundamentalist/stage blue Islamic family. I didn't spend too much time with girls and women growing up, only my cousins and I have no sisters. In Islam, men and women must be separate and so I grew up with awkward social skills around girls. And there is this huge stigma against sex for no clear reason. I skipped all of sex ed during my teenage years, when I needed it the most. So this is what happened...

 

One day while browsing the internet, my younger horny teenage self came across a video game called "Heavy rain" and saw there was a nude shower scene. My curiosity got the best of me and I kept watching what happened after. And so I would be scarred for life as this scene is burned into my pysche and I still vividly remember my pounding heart, sweaty palms and heavy breathing. 

 I couldn't believe it. I grew up thinking women are these fragile things because I grew up with men being the ones physically stronger. The screams and grunts them men do when she kills them, especially the one where she stabs one in the throat. I can hear the wretched scream of a slow painful death and have a paranoid sense of protecting my jugular. I stopped thinking about sex for months. My the natural instinct kicked back in. But I could never think of sex the same way.

And then Iron Man 2 had to release a few months later, and there was this scene

I couldn't believe it. How is a 5'3 110 lb girl doing any of this?! 

The fact that the directors made them look sexy while kicking ass is what disturbed me the most.

And then growing up I would see more "female empowerment" type stuff of a women beating up/killing multiple men such as Lara Croft, Atomic Blonde, the bride, movie scenes where a woman fights a man and the woman comes out on top etc. (and the "Final Girl" trope such as Laurie Strode in Halloween)

I flinch heavily and got heavy breathing, pounding heart etc. But over time, I have become fully aware that these things are fiction as that is the reason they never happen in real life and I don't flinch at all anymore.. But my horrified past self is always at the back of my mind. And as such, I have gotten a kick out of "Woman/Feminist gets equal rights.... and lefts" videos where a woman and a man fights and the woman gets utterly destroyed.

And yet. some how, I have developed some Stockholm syndrome style attraction to these women. The kind like Black Widow and Atomic Blonde. (I mean, I don't want a weak and dependent spouse)

So that was that. And when I was 16, I decided to learn sex ed for my self. And I was in for a rude awakening. I learned about period, menopause, child birth and other special "women's problems." And so I couldn't believe it. What I was so ignorant about. How were they hiding their period pains so well? 

One thing led to another, and I learned about how women have been abused for most of human history. Why fathers were so protective of their daughters and why they threatened their daughter's boyfriend. 

The last part though... it scared the hell out of me. It made introspect if I had in the past disrespected women. If another man were to disrespect my daughter. Also in Islam, there is some scriptures saying their is more "reward" in a daughter's birth. Because Arab culture is extremely patriarchal and at the time, so misogynistic that people would bury their daughters alive in disappointment in not having a son. How? I wondered. You are who you are by your actions, not by your birth. But I have since left the cult of Islam, so I don't care anymore. But it still impacted me nonetheless.

So after all this, because I grew up in a repressed culture, I now have a fear of women, marriage and having a daughter, Years have gone by and I don't know how to overcome it.

 

Edit: Also, films like "Enough" is violence against men supposed to be glorified?

Edited November 24, 2018 by saffron

[Strikr]

warrior girls always makes me horny.

one of my friend is a girl born in islam, she is fierce as a lion.

there is no fear, stop writting, try talking to girls more that's all, your old ideas will vanish in the same mist they appeared.

Edited November 24, 2018 by Strikr

[Emerald]

@saffron The best thing to do would be to work on releasing resistance to the feminine and integrate your feminine side in the form of the Anima (aka the inner woman in every man as an archetypal aspect of the psyche).

When a society has really strong resistance to the feminine principle and women by extension (as has been the case in almost all cultures for the vast majority of written history up until present day), the men in that society will usually have issues with Anima integration that will have debilitating effects on their psychological health, which brandishes itself most in the form of sexual obsession issues and misogyny.

Because the Anima is literally the aspect of you that is a woman, it has needs and feeling and desires and strengths, just like the conscious aspect. So, if you learned a resistance to the feminine from a young age, and an extreme one at that, it will manifest in the form of Anima repression and Anima possession.

And it is always the Anima's desire to reintegrate and become known and accepted by your conscious awareness. It wants to reunite with you and be accepted. So, it projects itself out onto reality in form of an acute sexual obsession (or obsession in general) with women. This is especially strong, since the man sees this as the only acceptable outlet for connection to the feminine... as he has a strong desire to reunite with his own feminine side but society disapproves... and he has learned to disapprove in the same way. So, sex with a woman is like a metaphor for the connection with himself that he unconsciously desires, so he craves sex with women in a stronger way than normal.

But despite the desire to reintegrate, the Anima also gets jealous and spiteful. She doesn't like to be rejected. So, she seeks revenge upon the man that rejected her by projecting onto women an image of power over the man who rejected her. And that power that she projects is that women have the power to validate and invalidate the man's very existence just through forming an opinion about a man's sexual desirability. And the Anima will project the image of the cold and impersonal woman who is up on a pedestal and all powerful and holds a man's worth in her hands. So, the man who is Anima possessed will have deep feelings of misogyny and a strong desire to drag women down from the pedestaled position of power that he projects onto reality.

And when he sees images of men dominating women physically, sexually, and otherwise, it will be very satisfying because to him it is the story of the underdog male taking down the all-powerful female tyrant and putting her in her place.

And archetypally, it will be the false story of how he overcomes the issue of Anima possession by beating his feminine side away and keeping it in a state of submission. But this beating away is just adding fuel to the fire of his Anima possession, as this is the very pattern that causes Anima possession in the first place. So, it becomes a self-feeding cycle and the Anima possesses the man more and more and the shadow feminine consumes him.

So, the only way to actually overcome Anima possession is to integrate the Anima and accept the feminine side as an integral part of yourself. Also, with the integration of the Anima, you will gain access to divine wisdom hidden in the unconscious mind.

 

Edited November 24, 2018 by Emerald

[Emerald]

I also have a video on the topic...

 

[Strikr]

best advices to understand girls, do not listen girls advices   

Edited November 24, 2018 by Strikr

[Samra]

@saffron after reading your post, I don't think you are "afraid" of women per say. I think it's just that it is still a mystery, or unknown territory for you. And naturally, the unknown frightens us. But it also makes us curious. The only way you can conquer the fear of unknown , is to face it. Go to the belly of the beast! So make new bonds, friendships and partnerships with women it's as simple as that. And I don't really think there is another way around it. It is totally an experience you need to cultivate yourself. 

[Spiral]

Girls are less dangerous than guys in most aspects. Expections include SCRUM girls.

[saffron]

Just so easy to let go of traumatic events, isn't it?

[Shin]

1 hour ago, saffron said:

Just so easy to let go of traumatic events, isn't it?

It will be as hard as you want it to be.

[aurum]

@saffron

You could benefit from spending more time around real women. They’re just people with largely the same concerns as men. They’re not going to hurt you, worst case scenario is they unfollow you on Instagram.

[universe]

6 hours ago, saffron said:

Just so easy to let go of traumatic events, isn't it?

by traumatic events you mean the games you played and movies you watched?

I think it should be quite easy to get over them.

That doesnt mean that you dont have problem, thats holding you back.

 

That most likely comes from the way you were raised. Still, you most likely have seen many killer games and acton movies in which men are violent. Do you have fear of men as well? Women are just like men, all different. Some may be violent some wont. You dont have to put people into boxes like that. Make your own experiences and dont rely on video games for telling you how the world is.

Also how high is your sexual drive? Is it high enough to overcome such fears?

[saffron]

Yes, let me just go out and stop being afraid of women. - Most of the answers here. You know you can't feel what someone truly feels until you walk a mile in their shoes?

@universe I'm not claiming war veteran PTSD level flashbacks with this. I just vividly remember breathing heavy and having a pounding heart when seeing it for the 1st time. I grew up with a repressed Islamic culture. You just don't "let it go." Notice I said they made the women look sexy while beating up multiple men. Yes I have seen many movies and games with killer men. But they don't make them look sexy doing it. It's more of an action thing. I'm still young, so yes, I do have high sex drive.

[Emerald]

@saffron Did you look at what I wrote? My impression is that this is the root cause of your fear. You are projecting an image of power over you onto women that isn't there. This is what Anima possession does. I think you would benefit a lot by integrating the Anima.

[saffron]

@Emerald Yea, I'll get to what you said. Not something you can digest at 1 look. I said *most* of the responses are just "go out and stop being afraid" which just can't happen. I didn't say everyone had a overly simplistic answer.

[Emerald]

5 minutes ago, saffron said:

@Emerald Yea, I'll get to what you said. Not something you can digest at 1 look. I said *most* of the responses are just "go out and stop being afraid" which just can't happen. I didn't say everyone had a overly simplistic answer.

I knew you weren't referring to what I said. But I wanted to know if you looked into it.

[Samra]

5 hours ago, saffron said:

 

@universeYes I have seen many movies and games with killer men. But they don't make them look sexy doing it. 

Sorry, you are just flat out wrong here. They make men look sexy while killing ALL the time. Like all the fuckung time. That is movie industry is about sexy men killing other men, and that's what makes them hot. Strong Women didn't even come in to the picture until maybe 10 years ago. Do you need examples?

Maybe, just maybe, you kind of enjoy being afraid of women, deep inside it turns you on. And if that's the case,  that is alright. The first step is to recognize the emotions. Maybe you need some help from psychologist, to help you recognize the thoughts or emotions? I hope you will find answers and solutions one day soon

[Shin]

6 hours ago, saffron said:

@Emerald Yea, I'll get to what you said. Not something you can digest at 1 look. I said *most* of the responses are just "go out and stop being afraid" which just can't happen. I didn't say everyone had a overly simplistic answer.

This is exactly what you need to do.

You think you can't do it because you're afraid, that's all.

[saffron]

@Samra

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjdmNDVhNTYtYzI3OC00MWVjLTkwNTktZjNiOTEzYzRlOTA1L2ltYWdlL2ltYWdlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTAyODkwOQ@@._V1_.jpg 

http://www.krgkart.com/uploads/images/full/731cbd4fdf3c99047e1989d98b34bc14.jpg

https://steamcdn-a.akamaihd.net/steam/apps/313101/ss_3b8caafd5e119b9a2d024694cc38d9770644b9b0.1920x1080.jpg?t=1449788469 

How are these men sexualized? About your statement about strong women, 10 years ago was 20008... Lara Croft, Wonder Woman and Black Widow have been around for a long time. I actually don't bat an eye at protagonists like Samus Aran, Aloy, Faith Connors, Jill Valentine because they don't make them look hot while being in action.

I don't enjoy being afraid of women and the female nature. I want kids and I can't choose my kids gender, and I can't fathom being a bad father to a girl. Maybe you're right, I may as well see a professional psychologist about it.

@Shin I suppose that's how you drop all of your stigmas? Am I supposed to tell random women my fears of femininity?

 

Edited November 25, 2018 by saffron

[NoSelfSelf]

It comes probably from thinking girls are the ultimate answer to happiness if you dont get one that means you will never be happy so fear kicks in strongly if you get a girl you realize thats not the case if you are not happy without her you wont be with her in the long run

[Samra]

3 hours ago, saffron said:

@Samra

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMjdmNDVhNTYtYzI3OC00MWVjLTkwNTktZjNiOTEzYzRlOTA1L2ltYWdlL2ltYWdlXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNTAyODkwOQ@@._V1_.jpg 

http://www.krgkart.com/uploads/images/full/731cbd4fdf3c99047e1989d98b34bc14.jpg

https://steamcdn-a.akamaihd.net/steam/apps/313101/ss_3b8caafd5e119b9a2d024694cc38d9770644b9b0.1920x1080.jpg?t=1449788469 

How are these men sexualized? 

@Shin

N

18 hours ago, saffron said:

 

@universe

I can't believe I actually have to list examples of sexualized men in pop culture and video games for you here. You just choose bunch of non sexual males in couple of games to prove that other ones don't exist? Just cause you don't list them here, it doesn't mean they don't exist. That's not how this works.

But since you asked for it, here are some I can think of on spot: James Bond series, Matrix series, Bourne series, mission impossible series, interview with the vampire, die hard series, Avengers, Marvel, DC , Batman, superman, aqua man,  every super hero movie, fight club, Troy, 300, Gladiator, Twilight series, Wolverine, X-men , UFC, WWE, Prince of Persia series, God of War, The witcher, Grand Theft Auto, final fantasy series... 

I hope you find your peace with women at some point in your life.