20, and don't know what to do in life

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Hi everyone, i would like to share my actual life situation, hoping someone could help me or just give me an advise .

I'm 20 y.o and at the moment i have no idea what to do with my future life . One year ago i was in univeristy studying philosophy, during that time i had a hard depersonalization/existencial crisis, so i decided to leave the studies and heal my self , i couldn't focus and concentrate. All that situation brought me to discover spirituality and non duality . 

Now i really don't know what to do, i don't have that feeling to say " Yes this is what i want to do !". This makes me anxious . 

I start thinking that i'm wasting my time  and feeling old (don't know why ). This brings fear. 

I have a lot of interests but i can't decide , everything is so confused, maybe it is normal after a hard existencial crisis .

Thank you for your attention , sorry for my english , i write from Italy .

 

[ivankiss]

Hi Giulio.

In my experience, it's all about your passion. Whatever it is that you do. And if nothing really excites or fulfills you at the moment, that's quite all right. This means you have all the options and possibilities laid in front of you. You are free to experiment, try out new things, engage in new activities and ventures. Spend some time wondering what it is that attracts you and enables you best to express yourself and provide some sort of value to everybody else. You are not "getting old". You are transforming. Embrace the unknown and get excited about finding your "thing". I wish you luck on your journey!

Edited November 23, 2018 by ivankiss

[Gabriel Antonio]

I really find tragic how society makes 20-year-olds think they need to "figure out what they're gonna do for the rest of their lives". It creates so much unnecessary anxiety, which prevents the person to actually finding his passion. 

Anyway, I hope you find your life purpose and fulfill it =) 

 

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Thank you everybody

 

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Giulio Bevilacqua said:

I have a lot of interests but i can't decide , everything is so confused, maybe it is normal after a hard existencial crisis .

It is normal. Just keep following your interests, you're on the right path.

[brugluiz]

I find Cal Newport's idea practical:

I don't think passion is a thing that will move you automatically to a wonderful life. It's delusional. But you need to work on a job where you can express your creativity. If you take a look at my posts here in the forum, you'll notice that sometimes I think my passion is pick-up and sometimes I think my passion is drawing. It happens because I get so bored with drawing that I want to give up. After some time, I want to draw again. I lose a lot of time waiting for passion to kick in and it will never happen. Passion mindset is not sustainable, but craftsman mindset is.

And, you know, I have creativity to create awesome drawings, I mix different references and create amazing stuff, I know how to use a pencil and many drawing softwares and etc. Many people think my drawings are amazing and they're grateful for the work I do for them. But sometimes I'm not happy because I think I'm a fraud. I think I'm entitled to something greater or that I need to have a lot of fun. The truth is: sometimes it'll be boring and it'll sucks. I'm still a human being. What matters is that I don't give up. I will not be satisfied until I reach the quality I want.

There are other material stuff that motivates me like travelling, electronic devices, books, cars, sex, money, apartments and etc, but nothing replaces the gratefulness that people have when they're happy with a drawing of mine. Nothing. If someone asks me: draw a car. I will draw a car. If someone asks me: draw a house. I will draw a house. And sometimes I try to create more than what was asked. But if I don't have the skills to create something, I'll get frustrated. That's why it's important to practice a lot and never give up.

Another thing: if you can do it for free, it's a clue.

[exhale]

If you are lost, but have ambition (which it sounds like you do).  Pursue a life of service, do something that helps others.  Esteem follows esteem-able acts.  You will quickly find something that resonates with you.

It will take time to figure out what you want to do, accept that.  And if you are a creative person, that "thing that you want to do" will probably change several times throughout your life.  Your anxiety is likely a manifestation on the social and family expectations on you (as others have eluded to).  Take time to feel the anxiety, explore it through meditation and contemplation.  The anxiety is not a bad thing, just try to explore it, identify where it is coming from.  

[Hellspeed]

Listen to your Breath, it will tell you. 

[Xiatma]

It's very normal, in fact I say you should feel lost at some point, Im 22 myself and few years ago I was abit lost, but decided to study engineering cuz I knew what I really wanna do career wise will be anyway technical related. I chose mechanical engineering because its very wide and fundamental. However the picture got way more clear to me last year where we had to decide our very own project and when I presented my very specific project at a festival via uni it felt amazing, I knew this is sth in the path of my career and the cool thing is it was not very expected. so I think just try out different things and if you wanna study sth perhaps choose something more general and less specific. 

Honestly you're doing very good to others who are 20. most young people I've seen really don't see a big ambition with their study or work, now you are preventing that stage already because you are aware that you want a rigid purpose so you're half way done.

just stay active try different stuff. When you take one step the purpose will take two steps to you. and btw your English is fine so no worries ; )