Progress

[Gog]

So I'm new here. My aim is to share a journal of my progress in life in the hope that through interacting I can better realise my aims. I have several targets which I have had for many years. Today I'm going to start with the first one, mastering my mathematics undergraduate. Owing to ill health, I only managed to get a 2:2 although I did go on to start a PhD in maths, gaining an MPhil. So my story is not one lacking in success. However, there are several things that I feel I never really managed to achieve. One is to gain some employment teaching undergraduate. I am not so concerned about whether or not I'm freelance or attached to an institution. I know of several people who tutor undergraduate courses freelance, so that is my first aim. Another thing that I'd like to get to the stage of doing is to master the mathematics necessary for understanding quantum mechanics. To date most of my mathematical understanding has centred around the real numbers, not the complex numbers. There is a crucial difference when applying these number systems to modelling the world. The real numbers are the only complete ordered field. The complex numbers are complete, but they are not ordered, at least not linearly. The way one deals with this is one of the reasons quantum mechanics behaves differently to classical mechanics. It is not simply a question of having extra dimensions, but rather how one applies a metric or norm. Norms in the complex plane are different from norms in Lorentzian space-time, and I still need to get to grips with what the difference between these two approaches really is. Indeed I am not even overly confident with the definition of a norm at the moment. I have covered it, but I can't remember it off the top of my head. However the first course that I want to go over is differential equations. I pretty much skipped this as an undergraduate, but so far it is not much harder than A-Level. The Schrodinger Equation is of course a partial differential equation, so that is one motivation. Another is that differential equations are among the most widely applicable areas of mathematics. I have completed the first chapter of my lecture notes on the subject, covering the various methods of solving first-order ODEs. I did this on fifteen minutes a day, and it took me about three months, partly because I was working from several sets of lecture notes, covering the same material with different presentations. I found it quite easy, but I still need to memorize the techniques to really master them enough to teach off the top of my head. Of course, if I had the notes in front of me, I could teach them now, so I am relatively pleased. My next target is to do chapter two, which is on second-order ODEs. Again, I plan to do fifteen minutes a day, starting today. Fifteen minutes a day is about the maximum I can comfortably do at the moment, the problem is that at this rate it will take me about forty-eight years to master the basics of my undergraduate degree (about twelve modules). I don't know how long I'll live, but forty-eight years to do a three year course seems far too long to say the least. So beyond doing my fifteen minutes a day on differential equations, one of my aims is to get up to doing about three to four hours a day study period. However there is no rush, even if it takes me forty-eight years I am not really bothered, it is only something to do in life. So we'll see. Today I plan to start the second chapter of my differential equations notes, and try an maintain fifteen minutes a day for the next three months at least. Will be documenting my progress, and also adding in some of my other aims as well. Thank you.

[Gog]

So today is the third day of doing fifteen minutes of differential equations study a day. So far I have covered the Euler method for approximating solutions to second-order linear ODEs, the principle of superposition with regards to solutions of second-order linear homogeneous ODEs, the definition of the Wronskian for second-order linear homogeneous ODEs, and how to solve second-order linear homogeneous ODEs by use of the characteristic equation. Today I am going to study second-order linear inhomogeneous ODEs. Thank you.

[Gog]

So today is the sixth day of doing fifteen minutes of differential equations study a day. In the last two days I have covered some techniques for solving second-order linear inhomogeneous ODEs and the topic of resonance as it appears in second-order linear ODEs. I am going to work through some examples of resonance today.

Yesterday I watched Leo's video How To Stop Backsliding - How To Stop Procrastinating as these are things that I struggle with a lot. Framing it as Leo does in terms of homeostasis was very helpful. I was vaguely familiar with the idea, but had never thought to apply it to my understanding of backsliding.

The video was very good, and the techniques listed were very useful, however there are a few unresolved issues in my mind with regards to what I want to achieve and how to go about it.

I have found it relatively straight forward this year to change my homeostasis to doing fifteen minutes a day study. I say that, but this is after years of failure, so perhaps it has not been that straight forward. Indeed the longest period I have gone continuously of doing fifteen minutes a day this year has been only about two months, though I have done fifteen minutes a day for most of the last five. Thus, I think I have done pretty well with negotiating to maintain my new homeostasis, which is one of the things that Leo says is necessary.

Now, whilst I am not disappointed with my ability to do fifteen minutes a day study and maintain it, I am disappointed with my ability to build up. Trying to build up is what caused me to backslide these past five months and take breaks in my continuous routine. If I was content with just doing fifteen minutes a day, then all would be well, but I want to get up to three or four hours a day, every day. for the next three or four years.

So what is the problem here? It comes down to why I am doing it in the first place. I chose the topic of differential equations because it is the most applicable in the field of employment, and I may even have some work coming up that makes use of the material contained in the course. At the rate I am going I will be able to finish this course within a year, which was my initial target. So, so far, everything seems good. On top of this doing fifteen minutes of study a day gives me satisfaction and purpose and a sense of achievement, which I have come to realise outweighs doing nothing, so committing to it 100% has become relatively easy this year, again something that Leo says is necessary. Doing more than fifteen minutes a day doesn't really add to my satisfaction, so I have found it harder to commit 100%.

However, with regards to long term aims, I want to get to the stage where I can tutor mathematics undergraduate, and I want to feel that I have mastered my mathematics undergraduate that I first took all those years ago. I want to do these things within a reasonable time frame, say three years.

Am I being unrealistic in setting my goals, or have I chosen the wrong thing in my life to change, just because I have always held an attachment to succeeding at being a mathematician? My health condition has held me back for a long time, but that doesn't mean that I need to master everything it has prevented me from doing.

I would really like to see a video on how to build up - how to progress with some techniques aimed at helping one to increase productivity. There probably is one already, so I will have a little search.

One of the things I wondered was about the virtues of doing things at a set time. I currently have no time schedule whatsoever other than going to bed at around the same hour each evening. In some ways this feels very healthy, just going with the flow, but in others it seems to work against achieving things. I don't know what the best advice on this is, and if I were to make the change to a strict time schedule, that would require a big change in my homeostasis as well.

Anyway, I will do my fifteen minutes of differential equations today, and update again in the next few days. Thank you.

 

[Gog]

So today is the tenth day of study since I started journaling here, and I did half-an-hour on differential equations today, proving that I can do half-an-hour when I want to. I actually did half-an-hour a few days ago as well, but didn't think to document it here. However there is still a problem about committing to sustaining doing this amount over long periods. Basically, the commitment requires much more emotional energy than committing to doing fifteen minutes a day, which still requires some emotional energy on my part to even achieve that. Because of this, if I do fail to do half-an-hour every day, I have found that I have tended to crash and go back to doing zero study for several days or weeks before being able to start again. This doesn't really matter. I need to stop beating myself up for having the odd bad day or week. Having said that, I would prefer that if I don't do half-an-hour, I at least do fifteen minutes. In other words, I would prefer that my homeostasis is set to fifteen minutes a day minimum. At the moment, it is not, it still requires emotional energy. But maybe I am beating myself up about this too for no reason. Work, study, these things require the expenditure of energy. It is unreasonable to expect to achieve something without expending energy. On the other hand, expending intellectual energy is different from expending emotional energy, so maybe I need to work on my emotions. I'm not really sure what the problem is. I think I need to watch some of Leo's videos on emotions. Thank you.

[Gog]

So I just watched the video "Leo Gura on Mobilization & Emotional Labour". Not sure if it was actually produced by Leo, but it certainly is his voice, and seems to be made up of extracts from various other videos. It begins with the statement "Always do what is emotionally most difficult", saying this is "the one rule if you want to ace life". Now absolutes are never really absolute except maybe God, so one could unpick this, but I want to focus on how the statement relates to my aims. In the video, Leo actually says that the pain of not changing is actually harder than the pain of changing. I told you absolutes are never really absolute. But what do these two things taken together mean. The emotionally most difficult thing in the moment is to change. Not changing makes it emotionally harder to change in the future. So the emotionally most difficult thing in the moment is still to change, it's just that by putting it off, it just got harder. In other words, not changing is not the emotionally most difficult thing to do, it is making the emotionally most difficult thing to do harder. So where does this leave my aims. The more I invest in not doing an hour, two hours, three hours, four hours of study a day, the harder it will be in the future. It is not going to get easier by building up, it is going to get easier by just doing it. Now Leo doesn't say do the "thing" that is most difficult. He says do the "emotional thing" that is most difficult. One can still be realistic about what is possible, still set limits, as long as the emotional energy being exerted is the maximum at the given moment. Now I don't know how one squares that with the problem of crashing or burn out. I think these latter things are about being realistic, setting realistic aims. I am kind of talking myself round in circles.

Today I did the maximum of what I had been aiming for recently. There are four things that I am working on, quitting two addictions, and doing two areas of work. I set myself targets for each day, and today I met all of them, which proves I can do it. But where does that leave me feeling? Emotionally anxious about doing the same tomorrow. My aims are for the long term, so succeeding for one day is not really satisfying, and already I have been thinking about returning to my comfort zone of doing some but not all of my targets for each day. The most emotionally difficult thing to do is to meet my targets again tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.

Negotiating is not about negotiating with emotional difficulty, it is about negotiating with reality. If I am sick, physically cannot do the work, then obviously I need to pull back. If I intellectually cannot cope with meeting the targets I have set, then obviously I need to set more realistic targets. But if it is simply a question of emotionally feeling like it is too difficult, then I need to push ahead, to just do it.

I have met all my maximum targets for the day today. Tomorrow I will aim to do it again. And the next day. And the day after that. I will update my journal in a few days to document how well I am doing. Thank you.

[Gog]

So I am determined to change my homeostasis, but yesterday I suffered a slip and missed my half-an-hour's maths study for reasons I don't want to go into here.

As I mentioned in my last post, I am trying to change four things at the moment. There is a tendency that when one aim fails, it brings down others with it. That is what happened yesterday.

Overall, I am succeeding, and I need to get away from an all or nothing perspective and think about negotiating. As I said in my last post, negotiating is not about negotiating with emotional difficulty, it is about negotiating with reality. One cannot undo the past, so one can't negotiate with failure. Failure has already happened, there is nothing to negotiate. So in what way do I have to think about negotiating. I need to think about negotiating with the present, the only reality that actually exists.

Looking at today, there is no reason why I can't do thirty minutes of study on differential equations. Emotionally, I don't feel like it, having failed yesterday. I want to wallow in that failure, feel the emotions of failure, and comfort of knowing it doesn't matter. This is the easiest emotional thing to do. The emotionally hard thing to do is to carry on studying as if nothing had happened.

I will do my half-an-hour's study today. I will study Abel's Theorem on the Wronskian and revise the general solution to first-order linear ODEs and Bernoulli equations. This I will do.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So it's getting late and I am in danger of slipping again. I'm basically getting distracted by trying to preserve my comfort zone rather than pushing ahead with developing myself. I have been thinking about how I can develop others so that they can continue to look after me. Of course I have not been thinking of it that way, rather I have been thinking of it as me being altruistic.

In trying to reset myself back to developing myself I have started thinking about the paradoxes of duality vs non-duality and becoming paralysed into inaction.

Isn't developing other people the same as developing myself? What difference does any of it make anyway?

I need to refocus. I have a concrete aim, to finish my course on differential equations within a year.

Indeed, I want to build up to finishing several courses or modules of mathematics within a year.

I'm going to do fifteen minutes finishing off my study of applying Abel's theorem on the Wronskian to second-order ODEs and starting the study of complex roots of characteristic equations of second-order ODEs.

Hopefully I will also do fifteen minutes revising the general solution to linear ODEs and Bernoulli equations again.

Thank you.

 

[Gog]

So I've been putting a negative spin on my aims today. The purpose of negative thinking is to prove what you are not. Thus negative thinking has its place. But if you want to be something, you need positive thoughts.

Why have I had negative thoughts? I am looking at reality and my aims and they don't match up. A maths undergraduate program is a full time occupation for three to four years. That means at least seven hours per day study. That is the reality. This is simply not something I can commit to at the present time.

Thus my aim of getting to the stage of mastery of the subject so that I can teach it within three to four years is untenable.

So what am I doing it for?

I can do a single module, differential equations within a year. At the current rate, it will take me two years, but I can increase over the coming months to a rate that will allow me to do it within a year.

But then what?

One module out of twenty four or so.

Now already, studying this module has helped develop my theoretical understanding of certain aspects of life that have troubled me in the past.

I find doing the study grounds me for the day, which is also good.

But the reality is that the only purpose it serves is as a hobby.

It is true that there may be some job opportunities in the future which make use of the material that I am studying.

But there is no urgency to do the study.

Hence the negative spin of why bother.

I am trying to make long term aims to get out of my health crisis and be productive.

But they have to match the constraints of reality.

I could just say f*ck it!, I'm going to do whatever it takes, I'm going to do seven hours study a day.

That is the emotionally difficult thing to do.

I only managed twenty minutes yesterday, not even half-an-hour.

I'm going to take a break today.

I want to have fun as well as be successful.

We'll have to see whether writing here can help me to progress.

Thank you. 

[Gog]

So I'm thinking positive again, but still have some problem with negativity.

First off I have set a target that satisfies my aim of teaching within a reasonable time, and also is realistic.

My aim is to get to mastery of the first year of undergraduate mathematics within three years.

This will require me to do three hours study per day, which is a level I will aim to reach within a year, and then sustain for the remaining two years.

This is doable.

However, the negativity comes in when trying to build up.

At present I am trying to form a habit of thirty minutes study per day.

As I said, my aim is to build up to three hours per day within a year.

Leo has promised a video on building up, so I guess I'll have to wait a bit before that comes out.

But the problem is building up in a sustainable way requires discipline.

As I said, negative thoughts are useful for defining and proving what you are not.

I am not doing three hours per day at the moment.

That is a negative thought.

But I want to be doing three hours per day in the future.

To do this I need to build up.

Which is a sort of negative thought, in that it states that I am not ready to do three hours per day.

This negativity filter creates negative emotions which feed back into my system of action.

Thus I have been finding it harder to even do thirty minutes per day.

The negative thoughts arise because essentially I think I could be doing three hours per day now, and then have to prove that I can't.

As any good economist will tell you, managing growth is no easy thing, there are always cycles of growth. One year growth can be high, another year small. At the extremes one has the phenomena of boom and bust and one can enter into negative growth, recession or even depression, before growth starts again.

The reason I am not doing three hours per day at the moment, is because I believe that if I started doing that I would crash, and find it very hard to start again.

I have in a way, already crashed with increasing to doing thirty minutes.

The fundamental flaw is that I am looking to the next move, before I have mastered the first move.

I should be thinking positively.

I have managed some days of thirty minutes, I can manage some more.

If I continue, eventually I will establish a habit of doing thirty minutes per day.

This is my priority at the moment, and if I master it, it will lead to meeting my long term aims.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So here's why studying differential equations is a good idea:

Managing growth is a differential equation, in fact it is a second-order differential equation. This means there are two linearly independent solutions that make up any one solution. If the multiple of speed is much smaller than the multiple of acceleration times the multiple of position times four then the motion is oscillatory, otherwise it is monotone. 

Thank you.

Edited December 7, 2018 by Gog

[Gog]

So I made an error in my understanding of second-order differential equations, jumbling up the equations, hence the edit to my last post to remove all the rubbish.

I don't want this journal to be about theory really, I want it to be a means of motivating me to meet my targets.

I've missed two days in a row now of study

Starting again has always been a struggle for me.

I know I am more grounded when I do my study, but part of me wants to wallow in the paradoxes of life for a bit.

Paradoxes are a good excuse to do nothing.

I'm going to do my thirty minutes study now and carry on progressing towards my concrete aims.

Thank you.

 

[Gog]

So my aim is to do thirty days straight of thirty minutes per day study on differential equations.

Today is the second day in a row.

I'm going to study some examples of solving second-order linear homogeneous ODEs with characteristic equations that have repeated roots and revise the proofs of the general solution to first-order linear ODEs with constant coefficients and the specific solution to the associated initial value problem.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So I've been finding that I have to talk myself into doing my thirty minutes a day here if I'm going to do it.

Today I'm going to study the reduction of order method for finding a second solution to a linear second-order ODE if the first is given and revise the proofs again of the general solution to first-order linear ODEs with constant coefficients and the specific solution to the associated initial value problem.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So I feel like I need to expand my journal a bit, make it more interesting, and bring in some of the other areas of my life besides my maths study.

This is mainly in the hope that I might receive a bit more comfort and energy from posting here.

I've been trying to keep this journal philosophy light. I don't come here to moan or to intellectually masturbate, though perhaps I should, there is no right or wrong.

The aim of my journal is to assist me in achieving my targets. Why I need to journal here to achieve them is not clear to me.

Some one has posted about the fallacy of believing in the law of attraction. It is basically the paradox of movement that Zeno of Elia so clearly set out all those years ago, or the paradox of free will that has bedevilled theologians for centuries as well. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? You see why I'm trying to keep this journal philosophy light.

Working with paradoxes, understanding that all frameworks have holes in them, this can be paralysing, but only if we want it to be. The paralysis comes from being in love with the ego, the language parasite, or living word to give it a more positive spin, which can go on living for ever in the presence of a paradox. Stop thinking, start doing, and the problem dissolves, at least from a philosophical point of view.

One of the basic tenants of my physical model framed in language is that "energy" is transformed from one form to another through movement, and that everything is moving. I write here to get ready to transform energy into study.

So I have a new target within the targets I have already set out which is to finish chapter two of my current lecture notes before the end of the year.

There are twelve days left till the end of the year and I have fourteen pages left of the chapter.

Given that I average about two pages per thirty minute session (in fact two new pages in fifteen minutes with a further fifteen minutes spent revising material I have already covered before), this target is easily doable.

Today I will study some examples of solving non-homogeneous second-order differential equations through the method of undetermined coefficients as well as revise the proof of the general solution to first-order linear ODEs with variable coefficients.

I have other targets relating to other aspects of my life that I am trying to meet as well, but I have met them for today, so there is no point in bringing them up now.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So some thoughts on why I am studying maths still.

There are practical reasons relating to how I would most enjoy making money.

However, the deeper reasons come when one considers why I would enjoy making money that way.

Mathematics is the consensus of language, just as science is the consensus of observation. Neither is fixed.

The laws of life are the consensuses that are established by ourselves/God and everything inbetween.

If one stays within the consensus then one stays within the law.

Establishing the law, understanding the law and working with the law keeps us on an even keel.

It is basically going with the way, the tao or the logos.

The logos is usually translated into English, at least in most English translations of the bible as being the "word", or the "living word".

Our ego is our personal living word, whereas the logos is considered the universal living word, thus many advocate killing our own ego in favour of the logos, the word of Jesus.

Logos in Greek actually has far greater meaning than just word, it is comparable to the Chinese word "tao", though I am not qualified to draw any further comparison or distinction here.

Ego means "I" and can also mean "God" in Greek.

Thus substituting the logos for the ego is frought with paradox.

Personally, I love my ego, I love my personal living word, but have often found fault with the logos.

However, I am ashamed of elevating my ego above others, instead trying to seek consensus, or if no consensus can be reached, avoid sharing anything outside of the consensus.

Hence my interest in studying the consensus of the living word, or mathematics.

The Bible is not the consensus of the living word, it is the testament, or even just a testament.

The Koran is something else which I will not go into here as it would require me to be qualified in the distinction between Arabic and Greek.

But I don't want to get side tracked. I am not interested in either of these any more than I am interested in the lives of others. I am in love with my ego and want to expand its horizons, to grow its scope, encompassing more and more of the common laws which bind it to other egos.

When I say I am looking for a lover, I am looking for an ego to love.

I already love my own ego, but am ashamed to admit it.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So my illness returned over the Christmas break. I stopped my study and after some trauma began living again. I am dating a girl but that is not enough. I need to reach a higher level of existence. I'm not sure what to do with myself at the moment other than just go with the flow. Structure, discipline, form, these things can help one to progress and though they change they always exist. It is not always good to use the mind to interfere with life, however if you never do this then you can find yourself adrift. I still want to finish my course on differential equations, but my equilibrium is not set to such activity at the moment. I feel there is not enough laughter in my life, that my attempts at humour have been falling flat, and that I am struggling to make my girlfriend happy. I've bought a book on the subject, it's not something I've ever studied formally, and perhaps reading about it might help me to develop in this area. I've always had a low opinion of my sense of humour, but perhaps that was just me being insecure. Before Christmas I started some casual work as a research assistant in health economics. I am hoping it will lead to something more. However, the task I have been set is virtually impossible. The chances of me arriving with some results, any results, are worse than that of winning the lottery, and once I realised that it has been hard to motivate myself. I don't know how to please my boss without getting any results. Not getting any results is of course sometimes the nature of research, but if I already know we're not likely to get any, however hard I try, I see know way I can make my boss happy other than by pretending. Some might say I'm being negative, people do win the lottery, so there is a chance, but they don't call it an "idiot tax" for nothing. I've been thinking of moving from working in mathematics to working in health for some time, and health economics seems a good starting place as it is a sort of cross over. I'm still wondering if its worth studying more health structures and have thought of doing a course in shiatsu, though its expensive, and lasts three years. I don't know if I need more theory, it's experience that I'm after. Theory is a kind of insurance, to make sure your experiences are within safe limits. Obviously, if I did a shiatsu course there would be a strong theoretical component. Anyway, I have work today, so I guess I'll just have to give it my best shot. Thank you.

[Gog]

So someone mentioned dating someone of a different ethnicity on Halloween, I'm not sure what he meant by that since ethnicity is a Greek word and Halloween is Celtic as far as I know. I didn't really come here to teach, not even by example, though others are free to emulate if they are so blind. My reasons for posting a purely selfish, between solipsistic and non-duality, if I understand the latter term correctly, I prefer to say all is one. Dating within family is always the case in my opinion, the question is to what degree of separation is healthy, i.e. how misogynistic to be at first, different factors matter to different women, and everything is an approximation. I am still trying to get over my first sexual experience at the age of thirty three. My girlfriend at the time shared my grandfather's religion modulo an ancient schism which I read was to do with the trinity which I always thought was something to do with Pythagoras. I don't know why she liked me, religion was her thing, whereas I was more into politics. It should never of worked, but I still love her and regret not being educated enough to know that she was sincere in wanting children on our first time. I guess I still have a lot of shame which comes from still seeing myself as my parents' child rather than their caretaker. I am now dating someone who superficially is from a closer branch, it is actually harder, and I don't know what to expect, though that is always the case. Anyway this is my attempt at a lesson, I am not that old so will return to posting for my own benefit tomorrow. Thank you.

[Gog]

Brazil aside, I shouldn't really be teaching Americans but I'm going to knock this on the head for all those obsessed with four, and yes I have relations who are Brazilian as well.

The number four applies to space without holes.

The Arab and British rulers used it for centuries despite the fact that Muhammad (salawasalaikum - saw) never said it in Britain or Arabia.

I'm not going to get into a debate between distinguishing imperialism from internationalism, to quote the Yi Jing in English, it is not I who seeks knowledge but you.

I think I'm going to start charging for mathematics lest someone asks me to tell them how to do it with n holes which is possible in space and time.

In fact it has already been proved and is called the Heawood Conjecture or Ringel-Young's Theorem to give it its proper name.

Lessons start with a donation which you can pay in Sterling upon contacting me. I will post an email address when I am ready. Thank you.

[Gog]

So my aim is to get to the stage of being productive and being secure about how I will ensure that the future will exist.

Obviously their are some steps I will have to take to ensure that and I want to enjoy life too.

Dating aside, I need to succeed at my job.

I also want to study independently.

Neither of these things are purely altruistic, working for others is a form of study and study is a form of being still.

The ideal of being a perpetual student might be physically impossible but it is not metaphysically impossible, at least in one life time.

So much for philosophy.

I will have to return to differential equations soon. I will at least need to finish chapter two to be able to comfortably apply myself to epidemiology, though perhaps not the remaining chapters which are more for pure mathematicians.

At the moment I have to focus on the job at hand.

The first objective is to get the results my boss wants. I am a bit more optimistic about that now. I have five weeks left and I might get lucky. But it is a gamble.

The second objective is to make sure I get selected for future projects in the field. At the very least I would hope to get a good reference.

I will talk some more about these two objectives tomorrow.

My work starts at two.

Thank you.

 

[Gog]

So certain realities have been entering my life which I'm not sure I want to believe or know the consequences of.

I suppose I have only myself to blame if this G-had if that doesn't sound to patronising.

I don't know what happened to the Taoist priests during the Cultural Revolution, I suspect the real ones just faded away though I doubt there is much they could do against armed thugs.

"Mao was great" is the slogan I heard.

"Give me the fortune, keep the fame" is another, attributed to Minister Farrakhan.

I don't think it is that bad, I think people have realised magic is not the solution.

There are competing structures no doubt. I have experienced structural meltdown enough times as a nobody to know that I don't want to go through that again.

Are people actually reading this?

The creative commons was prophesised long before my book was published.

I can believe someone stole it from my Gmail, so I'm not likely to get any money for it, which was never my intention anyway.

Now they (not pointing any fingers) even get us to carry out their COINTELPRO program for them, but I think people have learned, and I'm not angry.

I need to focus on my aims, building my life, trying to be the best that I can.

That is all any of us can do.

I welcome criticism, feel free to write your thoughts on my journal, though I may not reply.

Thank you.