Progress

[Gog]

So in Britain I believe health economics is slightly different to the rest of the world. Indeed the only comparable system is Cuba which they run on a fraction of the price.

Healthcare in Britain is about stability of the country, the shared experience of the class system. There are private hospitals but they're rubbish.

The first thing to realise is that you make yourself ill through your actions, this is the mantra of Big Pharma.

In Britain we again view things differently, we share responsibility for our actions and try to maintain a healthy balance.

If we trip or fall, or karmically step out of line, then we may become ill, then it is up to the doctors to make a judgement.

We still pay, nothing is free in the sense of perpetual motion, which is only true at the absolute level anyway.

But it is society that makes the profit, not bankers, at least that's the idea.

I haven't really got time for conspiracy theories about who owns the Bank of England.

It is a structure, one of many, and no better or worse than any other.

Health economics is a top down approach to health care but can also be used to advise the bottom up.

It is a form of healing employed by the government or academia for the reasons stated above, but do not delude yourselves, we are all healers, even if we simply give and receive energy unconsciously sharing experiences that keep us alive.

I've learned a lot from my experience in the past twelve weeks or so, hopefully I will be able to be involved with future projects with the same boss or transfer somewhere else.

If that sounds like solidarity then it isn't meant to.

For now I need to work out what I'm going to do in the remainder of the year assuming I stay well.

Voluntary gardening is something I'd like to start again if they stop bullshitting me about some magical teacher who knows the correct way to live, not referring to Leo here.

As far as advice goes, I live in Britain, not the U.S., so starting a business is not necessarily the best option.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So my book isn't finished yet.

I don't know which version people have read, how many chapters, whether it's been edited, etc.

Besides, I'm practically giving it away

I'd like some feedback from people who have read it on whether it's publishable.

Thanks

[Gog]

So I emailed a few people about what they thought of my book and am still waiting for their responses.

There's definitely some bits I don't like. Whether it needs editing or not is still an open question for me.

I'm not going to make excuses, in fact I know that my father would be ashamed of me for many of the direct comparisons I wrote, but I write in the moment to satisfy my reality of the present time and space and obviously this cannot be without external/outer influences.

I'm still considering kriya yoga, whether it's better than sitting meditating to in coffee shops like an old retired grandfather I don't know.

To be honest, both are good.

Returning to maths study is something I'm keen to do. It's been a long time since I've made any attempt to make serious music and I think that would also be a good way to relax.

I've thought about trying to learn the proof of the four-colour theorem by applying Galois theory, but basically resisted because it is after all a boring theorem.

I know a lot of people are obsessed with it, which is how the latest descent arose, and it still annoys me. Of course there is North, South, East and West, but there is also a fucking war in the centre at least for the time being.

I guess there is always a war going on and people always die.

That is one of the things I don't like about the little I know about Buddhism.

"Life is suffering" is not wrong, but I prefer to ease others pain without taking it on myself, which is the opposite of the Catholic philosophy I think.

Just give energy and positive vibes or something.

Journaling in a more public space than one's hard drive was supposed to help me to focus on staying disciplined, which it was up until Christmas.

Ultimately it led to a great deal of indiscipline and I think I need to return to journaling alone, maybe even using pen and paper as many elderly people do, though I don't think I'm ready for that.

I'd like to say thank you to all the posts on the forum that inform rather than debate.

Many thanks.

Gog

[Gog]

So expressing the following correctly is giving me trouble, indeed I'd even almost like to say giving I trouble:

Quote

I'm not going to make excuses, in fact I know that my father would be ashamed of me for many of the direct comparisons I wrote, but I write in the moment to satisfy my reality of the present time and space and obviously this cannot be without external/outer influences.

 

My dad hasn't read my book, my mother neither.

Somewhere at the beginning of it I wrote that in the process of self-inquiry I would have to get into "race" and was afraid.

I am nothing, my skin has a tone, and I don't deny it resonates with certain frequencies. My hair too, my eyes, brown with a blue ring, even height and weight have resonance, a 1 in nine billion chance, some say.

Reading other's posts, I have associated some interpretations, that my prejudice for associating myself with "black" came from my mother and not my father, though my "black" hair is supposedly the genetic results of the latter.

Indeed it may even have come from my grandparents whose role it was to give me away.

So back to the issue of excuses and being ashamed.

"Why do I keep defining people by nationality" my father always asks me.

It was not the association with "black" that my dad would be ashamed of but "Cypriot".

My father has always said he was "British" if challenged which he excused by saying that Cyprus was still British when he left.

I clung to the excuse.

I am still debating whether to edit my work.

Nothing is ever lost, change is a part of life, but being still is profound.

I tend to agree that one should just accept what is produced in the moment.

However, my path of misrepresenting unfortunately seems to continue.

Women tend to gossip more than men I have noticed.

Assumptions are made.

It can be haram or halal like all things.

I have heard that Muhammad (pbuh) used to watch all his words.

For the record I do not claim to be anything of note without an insult of integrity, one of the things I regret, even nothing is too strong a word for I am I ka nage ni love da la sha ma lol

That's supposed to be a joke

Thank you,

[Gog]

So I've noticed there is a lot of emphasis on beingness on this forum and not much on actual productivity which is why I came here in the first place.

I am drawn back here for want of a better place to journal, but there's not much point if it's just going to be more about learning to go with the flow.

I think I need to set up my aims in a private journal as I was doing before and journal here about issues that require some external energy.

Sharing energy with peers is addictive and accomplishes little of any worth.

However it can be fun, and a bit of fun in life is never a bad thing.

In the information age of the creative commons there is a lot of desire to learn things by oneself without seeking out a teacher.

Obviously, most people are here because of Leo's teachings, so perhaps that is not quite true, however the fact remains that the majority want to learn their own way.

Perhaps it has always been like that, the difference being that now there is so much more information freely available.

Information overload means that people prefer to learn techniques than facts.

Indeed many people have ceased believing in facts altogether.

This is dangerous.

Without a consensus of facts, the structure breaks down, indeed there is no structure.

It is impossible to live without structure, so facts are necessary, and in order to live with others a consensus of facts is necessary.

I want to talk a little about the Jordan Curve Theorem which states "that every Jordan curve divides the plane into an "interior" region bounded by the curve and an "exterior" region containing all of the nearby and far away exterior points, so that every continuous path connecting a point of one region to a point of the other intersects with that loop somewhere." according to Wikipedia.

The theorem is the basis of the standard proof of the four colour theorem amongst other things.

The reason I raise it is for the issue of conflict and stability, movement and stillness. It is one of the many resolutions of the paradox of structure.

The Jordan Curve Theorem is said to be one of the most rigorously tested theorems of any note in mathematics.

My question is if it is the resolution of a paradox how does one jump to the next level?

This I believe is a dangerous question, but perhaps it has a simple answer, simply move from a plane to a solid.

I still haven't studied any of this in any great depth, these are just some initial thoughts that occur to me.

At any rate, I will return to my private journal now and start to invest energy in structuring my life.

Thank you.

 

[Gog]

So I am still trying to get my priorities sorted.

In this information age it is tempting to want to buy and sell information or at least collect it and give it away as a profession.

This is neither being a student nor a teacher, but a middle man, and thus pretty unfulfilling.

I certainly don't want to be a political football, and being a referee is also quite daunting.

What I want most is to have a family.

I have noticed that many people here seem, at least from their writings, to dream of endless sex.

This is not even animalistic, animals are far more sophisticated than mere sex machines.

I am not really bothered by how much sex I have, there is a difference between short term pleasure and long term joy.

Of course sex can be healthy, pleasure can be enjoyable and games can be fun, but raising a family is what brings true joy to my mind, that and being one with oneself which in a way boils down to the same thing.

One of my teachers once told me I would be a perpetual student.

I don't know if that is true.

I am certainly happy with my life for the most part, leaving aside the nightmare scenarios I seem to keep experiencing on a regular basis, though even those can be exhilarating like a horror movie.

I could possibly even learn to accept those as part of my life too, if they didn't leave me so confused afterwards and dysfunctional.

At present, it seems to me that raising a family should follow a particular order, get into a secure position in life first, then meet the right woman, then settle down.

However maybe this is not correct.

I certainly couldn't financially raise a family at present on my own.

So this is one of the things that I think I need to address.

Also, I am not so young any more, and though I am a man, the clock still makes things difficult to some extent.

I need to make some plans, rather than just be, at least that is how it seems to me.

I is no harder nor easier to just go with the flow, just different.

Structure is always there and always changing, and there are different ways of interacting with it.

The eternal observer or stillness is something that I am often aware of, though to be honest I think that even the observer is always relative.

Knowing that there is an observer who collapses the wave function, orders the world, and so on, gives me reassurance, but is no guarantee of pleasure, and that is something that many people have yet to learn.

There can be joy in suffering, love in pain, these things are guaranteed by "God" if you want to call the observer that.

However, the question of free will remains open.

Thank you.

[Gog]

So some reflections of my understanding of universality:

Abandoning Cartesian co-ordinates is never truly possible as with the mind-body split, this is why I have always considered zen or chan a cop out.
Hieroglyphs are at once symbols and syllables and they are arranged in a pattern that may or may not be linear in space.
There has always been one language, for example yineka, "woman" in Greek, somethiNG, etc... so sounds are reflected and resonated around the world, I have heard something similar in Chinese, from where does the English word "Bow" come from?
If you look at a fractal there is no origin, or rather every point is an origin.
Leibniz's dream was to get machines to do our proofs for us, I read the other day on the tube that we are entering into a future of sex robots and the like, maths has always been poetic, I think art sells quite well, think of Kandinsky's paintings of music, to this date I know of no one who could actually play them as he intended.
I believe the problem is in the direction of writing, top to bottom, left to right, right to left. Chirality (if you will forgive my use of the word) is statistical, even a matrix contains linear equations, personally I was born ambidextrous (both handed) but had to learn to conform to the right.
I think science reinforces chirality through its use of language, yet I know of no culture that doesn't employ linearity in some way or another even if it is only through the tongue.
The lungs are the closest thing to being ambidextrous. The heart is definitely biased. I haven't a clue about the brain, but scientists are uncovering biases every day now.
Dialectics is inherently biased in what it reveals, a zen like lesson.

[tsuki]

If that's the truth of your experience and not a facade, then I salute you.

[Gog]

So I'm wondering what the attraction of ivory towers are to me,

A bigger salary, but less independence,

Greater pain in the workload,

Right now I can only really tweet the odd ode to my admirers in the mirror,

Research is great unless you have to document it as well,

Teaching is fun as long as it is a two way conversation,

Marking is ok if you set the questions I suppose,

Conforming to funding applications is more focused than I am used to,

So what am I really after, security.

[Gog]

So Class is not linear, a mistake that many naïve Marxists make.

A country is a surface and thus cannot be linearly ordered.

Usually it is arranged in what is called a "strict partial order".

It can further be partitioned into regions bounded by a graph.

When modelling the weather, and here I am guessing from my limited knowledge, one partitions into regions and then works out the dominant attractor in each region and whether it is strange or simple.

One then repeats the process using a different set of regions.

This is in stark contrast to elections where the set of regions is fixed, but quite close to how polling is carried out.

I'm making a lot of assumptions here having never studied any of this.

Who needs books?

I'll return to that question tomorrow, when hopefully I can settle down into reading again.

Thank you.

[Zigzag Idiot]

To Leo and the Moderators - 

In email communications, Gog said he was kicked out of the Actualized forum. I don't even know what it was about but he expressed to me a change of heart. 

I would just like to request that he be given another chance.

Thanks

[Zigzag Idiot]

                                                                               Advocating for gog

I'm advocating for Gog to be given another chance because there's a part of my nature that seems to be just like a part of his nature ? and in the past I've been shown Mercy by people who didn't really know me.

I don't know Gog at all really. We've exchanged a few emails. When I asked him why he was banned from the forum he wrote this back to me. I asked him if I could use his own words in advocating for him and he said that would be fine and so  I pasted it below:

The reason I got banned from actualized was because I became very paranoid about the nature of some of the other posters, thinking them to be representatives of an oppressive class, the idea that they were oppressive being part of my paranoia. I am idealist when it comes to war. War should be as subtle as possible, with minimum pain or repression inflicted . In my delusional state of delusional psychosis, I came to believe that some of the other posters were responsible for the wars going on at the moment, such as has been happening in Libya or Syria, and I challenged some of them in private messages with somewhat psychotic outbursts. Leo personally banned me for "abusing the PM system". From a still slightly delusional perspective, the ban only came after I PMd someone called "Mount Bananas" who had made a post saying "This is a distraction, the account should be deleted, I have written to Leo and the Moderators and they have taken no action, can someone please delete this account". Such a post seems very strange to me, even now when I am relatively sane, but there is probably nothing to read into it. At any rate I PMd him calling him "Stalin" and asking if he could find out whether "Gaddafi was still being held by Boko Haram", something that probably is a complete fabrication of what happened anyway. I freely admit this was a psychotic outburst, and after writing that I was banned.

Zigzag Idiot- This occurred just before Leo went on his last solo retreat. I told Gog I would make this appeal after Leo returned and everything settled down. 

@Leo Gura @Charlotte @Serotoninluv

I just ask for an acknowledgement that this message has been seen and considered by Leo. 

Thank you 

 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 4/27/2019 at 6:18 AM, Zigzag Idiot said:

I just ask for an acknowledgement that this message has been seen and considered by Leo. 

I should have worded this different. Rereading this a day or two after I posted it caused me to realize that my wording created a small frame of reference. It doesn't allow for the idea that at a certain point no more time is spent towards further considerations regarding those who have been banned. Which could be seen as a reasonable line of thought in the overall concerns of running an organization. What I was really asking for was a simple acknowledgement that an appeal had been made on behalf of Gog.

Being that this is once more bumped to the top relieves my conscience as an advocate that this has been seen and so in that sense, there is no need for acknowledgement. I feel now that my efforts  toward this voluntary obligation is completed.

Thank you.     Good luck to you Gog,,,,

[tsuki]

I don't know what to write in Gog's defense because the ban may have been given appropriately.
The fact that I like him and that I enjoyed our interactions does not lessen the severity of what he did.

I just wanted to say that it's a shame that it ended up this way and that I would welcome his return.
Would you please consider releasing his ban?