How to manage lust to avoid mixed intentions?

[Dan Arnautu]

@Elysian

6 hours ago, Elysian said:

I appreciate you genuinely wanting to help. I just think you were off base.

Well, do what your heart tells you. Just make sure your dick doesn't detach trying to seek another host.

[Elysian]

4 hours ago, brugluiz said:

Good answers, bro! But I still think you should have more sexual experiences. It's up to you though.

I'm sure I will, I just want to be more careful and considerate about it. I've been through the 'sex is the goal' phase, and I've been through the 'something is missing so let me try to fill that hole with pleasure' phase. I've been selfish for much of my teenage and adult life, I did that so intensely I've burned myself out doing it, and it only lead to suffering.

I do want to be healthy so I want to do what it takes to make that happen, but in a way with the least suffering caused to other. There's already an overwhelming amount of suffering in the world, and it breaks my heart. I've contributed enough to that this lifetime.

[ZZZZ]

Masturbate regularly whenever you feel compelled to act on your lust. Use your imagination instead of porn, it will make you feel like you are missing out on something. Don't text with your dick in your hand, your opinion of that girl will certainly change when you finish (even if you aren't literally jerking it). Stay occupied with other things. Workout. That's pretty much all I have for you lol.

[Guided]

Is helping others absolutely necessary for you?

I sense there may be a displacement of what brings your suffering.

Lust, or rather, sexual desire, is a natural feeling that is very basic, almost childlike in it's purity.

It's not bad. it's not good. it's just there.

From what I can understand, expressing sexual desire to people whom you want to help makes you worry that they might turn away due to you expressing those feelings, consciously or unconsciously.

Have you tried taking away focus from the sexual desire and rather narrow your search to the desire to help others?

What do you see?

Edited November 28, 2018 by Guided

[Shodan]

If you can't manage the emotional part of unfulfilled sexual desire, this is a sign you focus on it too much. Try to get busy as much as possible because this way youre channeling your attention towards more valuable activities than basic primal needs. Our evolution gave us a choice unlike evolution of other animals, you have to choose for yourself. Are you civilized enough to go for more spiritual life and control your your actions, be mindful about it?

Celibacy IS possible and crucial for proper spiritual growth. But it must be completety concious and thought out decision.

[outlandish]

13 hours ago, Shodan said:

Celibacy IS possible and crucial for proper spiritual growth. But it must be completety concious and thought out decision.

I challenge the notion that celibacy is crucial for proper spiritual growth. Please explain why this is the case?

[Shodan]

10 hours ago, outlandish said:

I challenge the notion that celibacy is crucial for proper spiritual growth. Please explain why this is the case?

It's hard to explain for me to you, but I think Swami Vivekananda explained it most clearly. Even tho I am catholic it's just an inspiring individual for me I look up to.

Quote

The lower the organism, the greater is its pleasure in the senses. Think of the lowest animals and the power of touch. Everything is touch. When you come to man, you will see that the lower the civilization of the man, the greater is the power of the senses. The higher the organism, the lesser is the pleasure of the senses. A dog can eat a meal, but cannot understand the exquisite pleasure of thinking about metaphysics. He is deprived of the wonderful pleasure which you get through the intellect. The pleasures of the senses are great. Greater than those is the pleasure of the intellect. When you attend the fine fifty-course dinner in Paris, that is pleasure indeed. But in the observatory, looking at the stars, seeing worlds coming and developing - think of that! It must be greater, for I know you forget all about eating. That pleasure must be greater than what you get from worldly things. You forget all about wives, children, husbands, and everything; you forget all about the sense-plane. That is intellectual pleasure. It is common sense that it must be greater than sense pleasure. It is always for greater joy that you give up the lesser. This is practical religion, the attainment of freedom, renunciation. Renounce!

[...]

Civilisation, true civilization, should mean the power of taking the animal-man out of his sense-life - by giving him visions and tastes of planes much higher — and not external comforts.

[...]

Soul has no sex, it is neither male nor female. It is only in the body that sex exists, and the man who desires to reach the spirit cannot at the same time hold sex distinctions.

 

[outlandish]

@Shodan you're just repeating ascetic dogma here. I'm not going to claim that celibacy isn't an important step for some people in some circumstances, but from what I've observed, in general, striving for celibacy causes far more problems than it solves.

Celibacy constipates spiritual growth because it buries what is a normal and natural part of being a human being under layers of fake walls to keep their sex drive under wraps. This creates a barrier to authenticity, and sexuality ends up leaking out anyways. Just because someone takes a vow of celibacy, doesn't make their sexual nature disappear.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Elysian Kundalini yoga + pranayama to channel your sexual desires. Practicing mindfulness and building non-sexual intimacy is a good step in the right direction, especially since you said you are working on your intention. 

At first there will be energetic blocks and inner resistance to creating intimacy in the moment, but as you keep doing your spiritual and emotional work, this will get easier over time. 

Good luck brother! 

[Elysian]

I thought I'd give an update:

After some more experience in helping other heal, and through contemplation/intuition, I've found that this desire to help other is Pure Unconditional Love. It's selfless desire to lift them up. 

And because I have such a high sex drive I thought it would cloud my intentions, or push other away. What I've found is that if a person shows interest in exploring sexuality, I can express that desire without it affecting the love I have for them. I've actually found being inauthentic or not doing enough meditation has hindered my love (weakening my connection to the Divine), not lust like I assumed.

For me, waiting until it is clear to me that it's something other is interested sets up a healthy barrier for lust, and keeps me from pushing other away who otherwise was open to healing. In this way, I will stay have plenty of opportunity to satiate lust while doing so in a healthy way.

This I think, is the balance I was looking for.

[Guided]

It seems to me you broke through some resistance. I feel glad that you have found the balance of mind you have been looking for, and I hope the replies in this thread helped you to reach that point.

[Aquarius]

On 12/1/2018 at 0:18 AM, Elysian said:

I thought I'd give an update:

After some more experience in helping other heal, and through contemplation/intuition, I've found that this desire to help other is Pure Unconditional Love. It's selfless desire to lift them up. 

And because I have such a high sex drive I thought it would cloud my intentions, or push other away. What I've found is that if a person shows interest in exploring sexuality, I can express that desire without it affecting the love I have for them. I've actually found being inauthentic or not doing enough meditation has hindered my love (weakening my connection to the Divine), not lust like I assumed.

For me, waiting until it is clear to me that it's something other is interested sets up a healthy barrier for lust, and keeps me from pushing other away who otherwise was open to healing. In this way, I will stay have plenty of opportunity to satiate lust while doing so in a healthy way.

This I think, is the balance I was looking for.

That which you describe is connection to inner child. It's the main part of balance in sex. 

Connection to your twin flame helped you achieve this state of balance/growth. Check out 24th Libra Sabian Symbol. Check out 2nd Aquarius Sabian Symbol. Connect some dots yada yada...  

Edited December 2, 2018 by Aquarius

[Aquarius]

On 11/21/2018 at 3:49 PM, Enizeo said:

specifically search for "stoic sexuality" or something

I second that.