I don’t understand the value of interpersonal relationships anymore.

[7thLetter]

At this point in my life, I’ve come to the realization that I don’t completely understand the value of relationships.

I just feel that I’ve grown to become super super independent that it just doesn’t make any sense. My mindset is literally like, “I can do everything myself, and I don’t want to deal with other people’s psychological issues, or emotional needs.”  Especially when I’m learning more and more about myself, my ego, and the topic of human psychology, there’s just so much out there that sometimes it could also be hard to trust another. What if they are manipulative? Maybe they have an issue around this or that? What if they lie and cheat? But its not even mainly a trust issue, its just more like its already tough dealing with my own self that I don’t see the need to deal with another person.

Of course there’s business relationships, other people are talented in one area and you can outsource your work to other people, save time, this and that. But you can do a lot of that stuff over the internet nowadays, you don’t even have to see the person’s face.

Then there’s intimate relationships, friends or family, and its like ok they provide love and fun but I just don’t feel I have a strong need for a lot of that stuff anymore. I’m fine with myself. Would be nice if I had more of it, but its just not a strong need for me to have any of it.

A lot of my motivation comes from within, but sometimes I don’t push myself enough, so maybe I guess that’s where it can help to work with other people. Plus I guess you can learn a lot from other people, people may know stuff that you don’t, so there’s that as well.

Just trying to understand the value of working with other people, especially when one of my top values is independence. I know in theory that its probably just a phase, but maybe I’m looking to break out of it? What are your thoughts?

 

[Omni]

53 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

Just trying to understand the value of working with other people, especially when one of my top values is independence.

You understand the value of independence but you only have that independence because of the cooperation of people - society, culture, internet - the list can go on. This is all a collective effort, not an individual one. I'm sure you can probably tell that the ego flourishes in the materialist paradigm so It's just a simple pro's and con's list which happens to be relative to the circumstance.

Your what-if statements seem to be a bit of a worry rather than an insight. Almost as if you were afraid to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people, which is okay, nothing wrong there at all.

However you must understand that the amount of introspection, independence and 'go-it-alone' things you've done to get to this theory of devalued relationships has been you focusing on exactly what is most comfortable and perhaps the easiest, believe it or not.

Go out and find people that are like-minded and interact, don't just seek for an answer on the forums because that's just anecdotal and won't be much of use regarding direct experience.

Don't be afraid to get hurt, embarrassed, to need help or be dependent (as long as it's not a habit).
Experience these things with the new lens you now have and see if it holds up to the real thing, I bet you'll be surprised.

[7thLetter]

@Omni Definitely agree with what you’re saying here.

1st paragraph, okay you mentioned independence is a collective effort, it takes the cooperation of people to get here right? Then that means I’ve already had the hundreds of interactions with other people in order to see that there’s value no value in any of it? But I don’t see your point here? You’re just reinforcing the fact that there’s no value in interpersonal relationships for me.

2nd paragraph, main reason why I made this post is because of a potential business “team” that I rejected just today. We sat down for coffee, they all wanted to pitch money together, I just met them, so pretty normal for me to have trust issues, especially when it comes to money. Am I like this when it comes to making friends no not really. But still don’t see a ton of value in friends, etc.

Agree with you on the 3rd paragraph. So is it more of a suppression of my emotions? Or is it me proving to myself that I don’t need anyone? Is it me working on my comfortability to ‘be alone’ like what sages do? Maybe its a mix of the two?

Definitely have had my experiences of networking, cold approach, and all that. Now I’ve come to this point. What do I do now?

[Hellspeed]

I get you. Being an extrasensory myself I feel all the drama people "forget" and project into others. 

Only those who are awake enough can understand this, otherwise is just this reaction of people: "oh, but detach, but, but and but". 

The majority of people have no idea that they projecting their shit even if they are very very highly educated and literate. 

This being the reason the majority have no clue what awakening, enlightenment and what the hack I'm talking about. 

In the last 2 years, I feel like in The Walking Dead movie, who am I to judge?, but this is the downside of being able to read reality as it is 24/7. So Folks get awakened, I'll laugh when you do .

 

How would you think you can detach from a neurotic? By killing, that's right, by killing the ego. But in the process, you can destroy that human being if is very fixed in that and is the only thing he/she has, and can lose the job, family etc. So it's complicated. For the awakened ones who have to bear all the shit is not easy. Leo is having nightmares, just ask him. 

In the end, to advance, is survival of the fittest my padawans. Because the "dead" are craving for attention even in sleep. 

Edited November 20, 2018 by Hellspeed

[Hellspeed]

2 hours ago, Omni said:

You understand the value of independence but you only have that independence because of the cooperation of people - society, culture, internet - the list can go on. This is all a collective effort, not an individual one. I'm sure you can probably tell that the ego flourishes in the materialist paradigm so It's just a simple pro's and con's list which happens to be relative to the circumstance.

Your what-if statements seem to be a bit of a worry rather than an insight. Almost as if you were afraid to allow yourself to be vulnerable with people, which is okay, nothing wrong there at all.

However you must understand that the amount of introspection, independence and 'go-it-alone' things you've done to get to this theory of devalued relationships has been you focusing on exactly what is most comfortable and perhaps the easiest, believe it or not.

Go out and find people that are like-minded and interact, don't just seek for an answer on the forums because that's just anecdotal and won't be much of use regarding direct experience.

Don't be afraid to get hurt, embarrassed, to need help or be dependent (as long as it's not a habit).
Experience these things with the new lens you now have and see if it holds up to the real thing, I bet you'll be surprised.

What you saying is overrated. 

[Leo Gura]

As with anything really, the value lies in the enjoyment of it.

If you enjoy relationships, then do them for that reason.

If you prefer to be a loner, enjoy being a loner.

Life can be a lot richer with good relationships.

Is it possible to engineer your life such that you hardly need any relationships at all? Of course. That's basically what I've done. But now I crave relationships just for the enrichment aspect of them. Not because I need people to do stuff for me. Transactional relationships aren't really much of a relationship at all.

[How to be wise]

@Leo Gura you said in one of your blogs you were single.

What happened to your 5-MeO girlfriend? Break-up?

[Leo Gura]

@How to be wise I am currently single. We decided to go our separate ways and we are still friends. It was good but not quite the right fit in the end.

[Salvijus]

4 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

 

Then there’s intimate relationships, friends or family, and its like ok they provide love and fun but I just don’t feel I have a strong need for a lot of that stuff anymore. I’m fine with myself. Would be nice if I had more of it, but its just not a strong need for me to have any of it.

 

I'm bowing down to you. 

Don't lose it. Not many people can say what you did. This is freedom.

These desperate people who can't exist without relationships makes me roll my eyeballs everytime

Being desperate is never good. In any situation of life. These are wise words to live by

 

 

Edited November 20, 2018 by Salvijus

[thehero]

Imo relationships are one of the biggest opportunities for growth and happiness. This is just my experience 

[Shadowraix]

Independence is great, being able to be on your own. Its going to help you a lot flow with reality when people leave your life.

A key word here is a strong need which I question what you mean by this. Desire? Necessity?

I definitely desire building relationships for others simply because I enjoy it and they help me grow. If there ever comes a point they leave my life, so be it. Desiring something and feeling like you need it to thrive or the world will end seems to be different feelings.

The value of something is whatever value you assign to it. If there is less value for it to you, then thats fine. The key thing to me here is that you aren't suffering from a lack of interpersonal relationships. Although you may find it valuable to know how to build them when you do want them for whatever purpose and not worry so much about all the shit you learn in psychology.

[Vladimir]

[VioletFlame]

Once one can celebrate and revere solitude, so many good things come out of this. Psyche-diving, healing, growing, self-education, introspection, self-actualization & exploration. When you have the mentality of "I've got everything I need right in front of me" you learn you don't "need" anything or anyone to fill any emptiness within. That there's no reason to feel a void or create a co-dependent relationship if you are happy alone. You can learn to laugh with yourself, cry with yourself, take really long walks with yourself is something I am quite fond of, create with yourself, I mean the list goes on and on!  

Once you can learn not to feel alone with yourself but fulfilled, there is true growth in that. I'm personally a bit of an introvert, like many artists, independence and space is super important to me and with solitude, there's a sense of re-centering, recharging and rejuvenating oneself, of grounding oneself. Of course though you must find a happy balance for yourself. Too much solitude could lead to unhealthy isolation and socialization, direct human connection, sharing memories, is something I deeply value as well. But I've had some of my most beautiful experiences and some of my happiest and richest moments alone! Which therefore trains you to feel happiest anywhere and with anyone. ❤️

"I am no longer alone with myself, and I can only artificially recall the scary and beautiful feeling of solitude. This is the shadow side of the fortune of love." ~Carl Jung

 

Edited November 21, 2018 by VioletFlame

[SgtPepper]

the value of a relationship is connection.

Edited November 20, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Sukhpaal]

Honestly, I feel from the ego perspective relationships are so tricky. Half the time I'm in one, I have no idea if I'm using the girl for my own deficiencies or if I actually enjoy the relationship and her for itself. Usually I feel like I'm just using the girl but at the same time I feel "heart break" when we break up, as if I truly loved her so it leaves me very confused. Its weird because I'm always the one doing the breaking up but I always take so long to recover and never handle break ups well.