What are female-led relationships like?

[XYZ]

From either perspective (as the man or woman) and not strictly in a femdom sexual sense. Where the woman makes the first move, the decisions of what to do together and where the relationship is going, and she brings him into her life, rather than becoming part of his world. Have you ever experienced something like this, or wouldn't mind such an arrangement?

I've been taught that the man is supposed to be the leader and stay dominant for a relationship to work, bearing the 'burden of performance' as one manospherian likes to say. But I have seen examples from people on this forum and elsewhere that it doesn't have to be that way, and as women become more successful than men, and more straight men are declining to pursue women due to radical left #metoo culture, this is something more women are going to be doing.

No judgment here, and I'm not specifically looking to have something like this, just learning and being open-minded.

[ajasatya]

@XYZ my relationship is mostly led by my wife and it feels amazing. we do it because women have clearer visions of what would a better environment to rise their children.

she's devoted to personal development and spiritual purification just like me and that's why i trust her so much.

[aurum]

@XYZ

I'm sure some people could find happiness in it but in general it's not for me. I like leading, I like being in charge, I like the unique challenges that typically come with being a man.

[SFRL]

I have seen relationships like that which seem to work. 

I would say most of my aunt's at my father's side of the family wear the pants in the relationship. But the people from that side of the family pretty much all got dominant personality types. 

I think a lot of it depends on the guy though. Some guys don't seem to mind. 

For me personal it would never work though. I don't mind being her equal at times. But never ever below her. 

 

[Forestluv]

It doesn’t need to be either / or. The man can have skills in some areas and lead, while the woman has skills in other areas and leads.

[Shin]

49 minutes ago, Serotoninluv said:

It doesn’t need to be either / or. The man can have skills in some areas and lead, while the woman has skills in other areas and leads.

That makes too much sense to be posted on a forum.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Shin

[Emerald]

I don't know. To me, all this leading/following focus feels like putting an idea over top of a relationship and the masculine/feminine dynamic that doesn't really need to be there. And as a woman, it's tiring far more than it will ever be titillating to engage with men who are enamored by that idea. It feels like these types of men like to masturbate to the fact that they're men, in some kind of weird auto-androphillia, and it just doesn't do anything for me.

And I'm pretty sure that's the way most women think about it, as there's no shortage of men who are trying to cram themselves into the alpha mold. It's very dime a dozen with those types. Plus, it's a lot less ego-friendly to be type-cast as the follower in that narrow caricature of a relationship dynamic than as the leader. It squelches the natural flow of libidinal energy because the story tells you to make yourself smaller. And there's nothing less sexy than a man who's hung up on being the dominant one. It ironically feels very immature and try-hard... which are the very opposite of the natural Yang energy.

I remember the first time I'd heard of the dominance submission dynamic in a relationship, I was 19 and my friend Andrew's sister had married this guy Brian. And they were pretty religious. And they had vowed that she would be submissive to him and that he would be dominant and make all the decisions in order to live by God's word. And we had to laugh because their personalities didn't resemble that dynamic in any way. So, they just started acting weird trying to cram themselves into those ideas. 

So, ultimately, people have their natural set-points, and when people are authentic there may be one partner that's more of a leader than the other. But creating rules around who leads (man or woman) just feels like a bunch of kids trying to be adults and fetishizing the mundane lives of men and women amd cleaving to those roles in an attempt to live out a fetish.

The way I see it, is that people will naturally lead where they have an aptitude and follow when the other partner is the more skilled of the two. And there will also usually be a bedroom dynamic that each person enjoys, as well. 

So, I just feel like all the fixation on leading and following muddies up our relationship to our natural Yin/Yang energetic signature which best ebbs and flows from situation to situation. The dominance/submission stories are old and tired. Any story is just a story. And stories write over the truth. 

Just do what feels right without engaging those stories, and life will be a lot more expansive and pleasurable. So, female-led and male-led relationships are okay... as long as it happens organically and no one's trying to cling to ideas.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Emerald

[K VIL]

they're ok sometimes unfocused, generally moody. but also stable in a sense. it might never go anywhere if you know what i mean

worth a shot at least once