5 blocks to life purpose I'm having

[XYZ]

Going to share 5 things which seem to be getting in the way of forming my life purpose so to receive feedback for myself and others to use as we continue the process. I feel like I have been the most indecisive person alive, creating a deep narrative that it's okay to just be a passive consumer, resigned to laziness, hedonism and obsession with comfort. At this point though I'm very aware of the necessity of LP, understood that it is the key to escaping the circling-the-drain lifestyle, and no longer resistant to it. Also aware of the LP course on this site, but know I'm not prepared to work through a 25 hr. program anytime soon, and want to address these issues first anyways.

From what I understand so far, LP is purely an Ego phenomenon, created within the materialist perspective that you are an individual consciousness, and not something arrived at and sustained with non-dualism woo-woo justifications. I've fallen into the 'all is one, nothing is meaningful, there is no me to give it meaning' cop out before to avoid these questions, so for the sake of inquiry, will avoid taking that into consideration when discussing life purpose. Dualism is part on non-dualism, the material world is within the spiritual world, etc. etc.

Well... the fact is that life does NOT have purpose. But you can set an artificial purpose for your life if you want to make things more interesting and less mediocre.

As Hume famously said, "You can't derive an ought from an is."

Which basically means, that there are no SHOULDS. Reality is however it is, and there are no shoulds for what you should do about it. All those shoulds are just artificial constraints. Just drop them all and do whatever the hell you want. Do whatever will make you most fulfilled. You don't need some deep metaphysical justification for this. (Leo wrote this 2.5 years ago re: LP questions).

So here is my skepticism, doubts, fear, liming beliefs... Any insights, wisdom and personal experience with these matters is welcomes.

1. How the heck on Earth, out of the infinite possibilities of things and non-things to be passionate about, those known and unknown to us, do we choose one thing at the exclusion of others, AND stick with it to the point of superb mastery? What if you lose interest in it, or change your perspective based on her information and experiences? I would really like to know what this process feels like to whose who have done it. No idea what this is like, as my interest have always been vague and fleeting, and desires for impact seemed like just wishful thinking. 

2. I feel a sense of futility and creative impotence, even if I managed to care about something enough to dedicate my life to it. For example, used to feel very passionate about protecting and preserving the natural environment, mitigating climate change, saving the rainforests, and stuff like that. But that passion was replaced with a sense that it's all pointless since everything it totally fucked beyond repair, and I as one individual can't do much of shit about it. Even if I still felt invigorated towards those goals, I'd be powerless to do much of anything except cheerleading and virtue signaling. A more specific impact goal, something that I could definitely feel passionate about, would be push for a ban on infant circumcision in the  USA. It seems like a blatantly obvious form of child abuse regardless of scientific studies will say about it's effects. But a glance at the recent history of such attempts suggests that that is unlikely to happen, and nothing anyone can do about it except not circumcise their sons. Hence I doubt this could become a life purpose goal.

3. I lack a personal Identity. A person's sense of self is very fluid, changing form one moment to the next. No one stays the same for long, and to attempt to do so would be stubborn, closed-minded, batshit insane even. I never had a stable identity to begin with, and my interests, values, beliefs and attitudes are constantly in flux. If someone asks me who I am, I say I have no idea, or describe some personality traits which are just momentary reflections, and inconsistent. Here it seems like going in circles: need sense of self for life purpose, need life purpose for sense of self... or do I?

4. Severe lack of life experience. I'm going to be 30 next year, but it feels like I have less life experience than most 12 year olds, done much of nothing and been nowhere. Not going to dwell on this or self-deprecate for my past behavior, but in a nutshell, I grew up in a super boring, dry, sterile environment with overprotective parents who have be only basic provisions and very little freedom to explore and discover life. There was nothing to do any nowhere to go, didn't even have a computer until I was 18, mostly just daydreaming, listening to music, watching TV, procrastinating on homework and tagging along with my parents wherever they went, and occasionally socializing with parental supervision. My adult life has been 4 years of "wage-slavery," 3 years of college, and now 5 years of "NEET" life mostly spent alone. The assumption I'm comparing this to is that normal folks have had lots of friendships and relationships, traveled domestically and abroad, developed physical hobbies and talents, which gives them a developed sense of who they are as an ego.

5. Trying to meet basic needs takes up so much of my life. So much time and effort required just sleeping, preparing food, eating, brushing your teeth, wiping your ass, showering, doing laundry, stretching, self-massage and other bodywork, and my minimum 2 hours walking outside every day. If I somehow manage to get a job, it would be even less time. I also experience frequent sleep deprivation anyway due to occupying a noisy living room with no heating or a/c, and have no way of moving out unless I win the lottery, I make a new friend who lets me live in their spare bedroom, or I become homeless and then get accepted in a 'housing first' program. I know that if I had a healthy and comfortable environment to live in, I could normalize my sleep and wake up in the morning energized and ready to challenge myself, but at the same time, realize that I'm using lack of comfort and the chores of existence as an excuse for my laziness. Has anyone here managed to live a purpose-driven life even with a shitty home environment and lacking in material resources/physical comforts?

 

[Leo Gura]

@XYZ Why don't you start a business which would solve many of these issues?

If you really wanted to, you could. The problem is you don't want to. You're lacking the vision, the ambition.

Changing your situation will require lots of hustle for a few years at least. But don't look of that as a negative, it's a positive. For once you will be doing something exciting with your life. That excitement leads to passion and the feeling of "being alive".

[Bluebird]

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What if you lose interest in it, or change your perspective based on her information and experiences?

Then change what you're doing. Rather than trying to think 20 steps ahead, just focus on the next step for now. Which is to do SOMETHING!

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and I as one individual can't do much of shit about it.

If everyone takes on that belief, we're fucked. But if you decide to not see it as futile, then others will join you and eventually it will not be one individual anymore. It always starts with one.

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ban on infant circumcision in the  USA

If you care about this, you can address it. Consider than legally banning it is just going to repress it, your better off educating people or solving the problem in your way!

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I lack a personal Identity. A person's sense of self is very fluid,

Persona > Ego > Anima > Self

Below your persona (personality) are deeper and deeper versions of yourself. Your persona will always be fluid (in a rigid kind of way), rather than trying to identify with it, go deeper. Look into Jung's work.

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 need sense of self for life purpose, need life purpose for sense of self

Yes, it seems that life purpose is grounded in a sense of self. And the cyclic nature there is a positive force, consider that it's a positive feedback loop -- building up (rather than a directionless one).

If Buddha could have a "life purpose" in some form, so can you.

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Severe lack of life experience

Solution seems obvious here... 

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Has anyone here managed to live a purpose-driven life even with a shitty home environment and lacking in material resources/physical comforts?

No experience here, but if it's a problem, then do something about it man. Get the base of the pyramid right before trying to spend all your time at the top. It's a good recipe for the whole structure to collapse.

[Bluebird]

Also man, I've been through this incessant feeling of being lost, aimless and confused. So as Leo said, after a while I integrated that part into my life purpose and I decided to make my first step towards embodied LP dealing with these issues.

So I just launched an app which I'm hoping will help people with this stuff. Definitely feel ya man.

[Pernani]

I feel ya here too in number 1 and 3

[XYZ]

@Leo Gura

It is daunting both because there is so much freedom to choose, and a process I have to constantly figure out each step of the way. Inevitably though it seems that I must do this, as my escape fantasies and narratives I've built up around the importance of maintaining comfort are shattering, no excuses left not to at least try, and that is where this is all heading.

Business adventures, or surviving in the capitalist world feels far removed from primitive survival in the wild. I'd have no idea what that would be like, probably a short and brutal existence where every waking moment is dedicated to seeking sustenance and maintaining defenses against predators, competitors and the elements. But nevertheless, everything you need to do would be right there, immediately known form instinct. There would be no studying, no choosing a purpose, no working hard at distant long term goals. Everything you need, you could go out and just take it, built it, fight for it, with your own two hands, or die trying.

The last job I had stocking shelves was kind of like that, and some times there was a sense of real flow I felt completing the simple repetitive tasks. I was unsatisfied, feeling I had so much more potential to be tapped into, but my fault was I never developed skills or vision, just wishy washy daydreams, vague ideas, and a strong sense of entitlement. It took getting to rock-bottom in to start changing these attitudes, which I've only just begun.

@Bluebird

The ideal solution would integrate both optimizing the basic needs and tapping developing the higher self. I've seen enough threads here about this to fully realize that things like a developed sense of self, life purpose, vision and goals are not antithetical to the other things like oneness, non-attachment, love, and consciousness; duality is part of non-duality. I see more and more that everything is paradoxical in one way or another, and learning to be okay with this, proceed anyway.