Are we too young? Is this relationship bigger than us?

[F A B]

As time passes and things get serious, questions grow inside me.

 

I’m 20, she's 17, we casually met for the first time about 4 months ago, during the summer.

It was love at first sight: on the first date we kissed and on the following date we gradually got into sex (even if we were virgins).

We hadn’t had much experience before that moment. In fact, if I think back, I’m still impressed at how fast we got into sex (and all my friends are still impressed too).

Then the summer ended and we had to face our biggest problem: I live in the north of Italy and she lives in the south.

Fortunately, this problem hasn’t affected our relationship. We are still happily committed.

Until now she came to me twice both in October and in November. I’m flying to her in December. We have already planned out when we can see. It’s about 5 days per each month plus the whole summer.

Anyway, in the future, she’ll choose a university close to me because everyone knows there are better possibilities here in the north (and her parents agree with that).

 

Why don’t you look for a closer girlfriend?

 

Because I love her and she loves me. Because our love is authentic, not needy. Because we trust each other and we communicate. Because we have a strong intimacy and an amazing sex.

Moreover, I consider myself a high-quality man who deserves a high-quality woman. She is definitely one. She eats healthy and goes to the gym. She is so nice and sweet. She is feminine and playful.

I’m the cake and she is my cherry.

Edited November 16, 2018 by F A B

[Equanimitize]

Probably, only because you are asking. I am not saying it's bad that you are asking, but this is your reality or else you wouldn't be asking. All I can say is go ahead and get this out of your system-either way you will get something meaningful from it. Learn as much as you can, and use protection to prevent Pregnancy.

What we do in life ripples into eternity      (Like Pregnancy or some other unintended consequence)

-Marcus Aurelius 

[YaNanNallari]

If you think there might be issues, it's fine to not know the answers at first. Think about anything bothering you a bit more and eventually you'll find stuff out

[Elisabeth]

Let's look at it

• LDR's are hard - not everyone can do that, which is not bad.
• Teen relationships in today's world usually don't last for a lifetime, because people change a lot. But it does happen sometimes.
• You've only been together 4 months, half of the time LDR, there's no way you have really assessed compatibility.
• It's how many ... 2-3 years to go until she goes to uni? That's a long time to be waiting.

So yeah, it's statistically likely that your relationship will not last. Of course it could.

But this is not a bad thing, as long as you enjoy and learn. Probably non of you is ready to commit for a lifetime, nor should you. 

The real question is: Is this relationship already bringing you more pain than pleasure? (sounds you're unsure about it) Or, is it in any way stifling your growth? (sounds like this is not yet the case) Is it causing her pain and stiffling her growth? Would she rather look for a local boyfriend?

If any of that is going on, than maybe the relationship is best left as a summer romance. It's way better to part amicably, than drag out a thing that is not working for the people.

Note: I'm not saying every relationship is easily given up on. If you were happily married for 10 years and then things went south, I'd tell you to take at least a year to figure out if you can make it work again. But that's not your case. For the moment you can have a much more fluid approach. Like: Is it working right now (the last 2 months), or not? Is it making me happy to be with that person? If not, maybe it's not the right person, or maybe it's the right person but not the right timing and circumstances to date that person. Agree to move on with love and respect. Your paths may or may not cross again later in life.

Now, if you're for now both happy to see each other for 5 days a month, by all means keep going. No reason to abandon a good thing because of the odds or something.

Just don't take your commitment too rigidly and seriously, like planing your visits for a year ahead and waiting for a better future once she goes to uni. Don't do that thing where you live your life for a hypothetical future. If your relationship lasts, it won't be because you had it all planned out. Live your relationships in the now.

Edited November 16, 2018 by Elisabeth

[F A B]

@Equanimitize @YaNanNallari @Elisabeth thank you so much

I told my story and came up with those questions just to have feedback from the outside. 

We are fine right now, maybe too fine. This is why I'm asking. Maybe there is something I'm missing here.

Things are going on naturally. Neither of us is suffering the distance so much. Rather, considering our distance and our age, we are grateful we can see so often. I live alone, and I'm grateful that her parents let her stay with me when she comes.

Yes, we have planned out when we could meet, but we haven't booked all the flight tickets yet, obviously. We book them just a couple of week before departure.

Of course, I miss her, but I won't define it painful. And surely this relationship is bringing me more pleasure than suffering.

 

2 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

Let's look at it

• LDR's are hard - not everyone can do that, which is not bad.
• Teen relationships in today's world usually don't last for a lifetime, because people change a lot. But it does happen sometimes.
• You've only been together 4 months, half of the time LDR, there's no way you have really assessed compatibility.
• It's how many ... 2-3 years to go until she goes to uni? That's a long time to be waiting.

So yeah, it's statistically likely that your relationship will not last. Of course it could.

Yeah, I'm conscious of that. This is why I'm asking for feedback ultimately.

 

[Elisabeth]

49 minutes ago, F A B said:

Of course, I miss her, but I won't define it painful. And surely this relationship is bringing me more pleasure than suffering.

Sounds good

[Pelin]

Just enjoy what you are right now, and don't worry about what will happen in the years to come.

I've had a few LDRs myself, and I ended up marrying the last one (I'm talking about the other end of the world here, 15000 kilometres and 7 hours time difference), and all I can say to you is, what's meant to happen happens, whether you live close to each other or apart. Enjoy her company, and enjoy your me-time as well. That's one of the good things about an LDR. You get to have more time for yourself and your own development. And you learn to enjoy being alone, too.

 

[non_nothing]

reddit.com/r/theredpill

 

EDIT:

Quote

Because I love her and she loves me. Because our love is authentic, not needy. Because we trust each other and we communicate. Because we have a strong intimacy and an amazing sex.

Remember this, this will be the lesson of your life.

Edited November 16, 2018 by non_nothing

[F A B]

@Pelin your words relieve me 

@non_nothing For sure. I think neediness is the main cause of breakups.