Breakup - Go out or stay home?

[MM1988]

Lets say your girlfriend broke up with you and its very hurtful (hypothetical, I'm single). And now she dates new people immediately.

Would you rather avoid the places where you could see her and stay home, or is it better to go out anyway in fear of seeing her and ruining your night?

Staying home seems like emotional avoidance but putting yourself in these situations seems like harming yourself over and over?

Both don't sound good.

[SFRL]

Get a rebound fuck right away 

[Shin]

I think it depend of the time.

If the break up is very fresh, going to a party where you know you'll see your ex with someone else is masochism in my opinion.
If you had the time to grieve a little (a few weeks), then yes definitely, you can't just put your life on pause because some girl or guy isn't in your life anymore.

Most important rule about break up though, is to let yourself grieve, and not avoid the pain by distracting yourself all the time.

Let's say you have 6 hours of free time, then untill you feel neutral you should spend at least 2 hours in solitude.
In this time of solitude you should be accutely aware of the emotions that goes through you, without feeding them more with mental scenarios of why it happened and holding on to the person.

If you want to heal you need to let it go, which most people don't.
They cling to the person even though this person won't ever come back.

Let it go means a firm intention to release that person in your life, not by anger but simply because you understand that you need to go on (you can still be friend later, but not in the first weeks/months)

So when that happens, you block that person on all accounts/phone/laptop you have, all the pictures of him/her must be erased on your phone, and put in the trash if you have one that are physical.
Every objects that person gave to you, same fate.

That set up the place for true healing, otherwise you're just being masochist with yourself, clinging to a girl/guy when there are hundreds of compatible partners in your city.

[pluto]

Go out to different places? Travel is one of the best healers i have found for breakups and depression. By going new places and meeting new people and doing new things you replace your old patterning/programming thus you eventually become a whole new person. In reality you are a whole new person every second but so similar you do not notice. When you start to change what you do, think, feel, act, say ect.. on a day to day basis completely differently than you used to you will notice a more rapid change in your reality and life outcome. When you do just a little at a time, its hardly noticeable.

This is why people struggle with Truly finding themselves because they are still doing most of what they have been doing their whole lives and doing bits and pieces or little enlightenment/self-actualization/spiritual practice on their free time. The only time it actually works and is noticeable that your reality is literally changing is when you spend most of your time doing the spiritual work and less time doing what you used to do.

Once it sparks, the passion and interest in this whole new reality will carry you with the wave automatically until you blend with the whole ocean.

Hope this helps

[universe]

Real growth: Dont worry about meaningless shit like that.

Feel the pain. Be grateful for the pain. It shows you are alive and its a powerful emotion. Realize that there exist no good / bad emotions. Just emotions.

See what you can learn from this pain.

Bonus (only if you like to) Reframe the situation. See how cool it is that you now can go dating again and have the possibility of meeting cool people. Maybe even finding the most amazing girl out there that will blow you away. (See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYZmK46--Mc) 

 

[Equanimitize]

4 hours ago, Shin said:

Most important rule about break up though, is to let yourself grieve, and not avoid the pain by distracting yourself all the time.

 

1 hour ago, universe said:

Feel the pain. Be grateful for the pain. It shows you are alive and its a powerful emotion. Realize that there exist no good / bad emotions. Just emotions.

This is huge, if you can harness the strength to feel things fully like a passing wave it will come and it will go. It is the resistance that is the killer. A true Warrior will sit in his room and cry his fucking eyes out and sit there and FEEL. 

As soon as you get over this, go ahead and turn the wrenches on yourself and ask why are you in need of someone else's validation of you. You are already complete as is, you are already powerful, and you are already capable, or else you wouldn't be here right now. 

[MM1988]

Great replys, I like it. Thanks

[Emerald]

11 hours ago, MM1988 said:

Lets say your girlfriend broke up with you and its very hurtful (hypothetical, I'm single). And now she dates new people immediately.

Would you rather avoid the places where you could see her and stay home, or is it better to go out anyway in fear of seeing her and ruining your night?

Staying home seems like emotional avoidance but putting yourself in these situations seems like harming yourself over and over?

Both don't sound good.

Why are you asking? 

Are you just going thinking into the future like, "What if I got into a relationship and broke up. Then, if that's the case, should I stay in or go out?" and getting stressed about these far-off possibilities.

And is it you trying to talk yourself out of giving relationships a try?

I'm going out on a limb here, of course, but it feels like a really strange question to ask for someone who is single.