What am I?

[tsuki]

7 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

"Wrong" hands what does that even mean? 

Wrong is when you hold the fork in your right hand and the knife in the left. Or is it the other way around? Hahaha
In restaurants they lay the cutlery out for you so it's not an issue. I go outer to inner.

Edited April 7, 2019 by tsuki

[mandyjw]

4 minutes ago, tsuki said:

Wrong is when you hold the fork in your right hand and the knife in the left. Or is it the other way around? Hahaha
In restaurants they lay the cutlery out for you so it's not an issue. I go outer to inner.

I always told my husband i though McDonald's was romantic. I love McDonald's. They are Voldemort. 

So I thought of the mirror story to the birthday cake story. My sister was an obnoxious teenager. She covered all the walls in her room with posters of boys out of teenie bop magazines. Backstreet Boys, N'Sync. I hated them. She loved Leonardo DiCaprio which I fully resonated with. He was the first man I ever thought dirty thoughts about. I love "The Wolf on Wallstreet". The scene where he gets high and crashes the car but you get how he's experiencing it, GOD I LOVED that scene. Never laughed harder. 

Anyway, the story. So we were in the car waiting for our Mom to drive us to school. Backstreet boys came on the radio and she was singing it and I was in such a bad mood. I told her to stop. She kept doing it to annoy me. I punched her in the face. I wasn't a kid who hit people. It left a red mark but she just laughed about it. That made me cray. She was so loving and forgiving. I had to hit her to get that resolution. But I felt guilty and small. 

[tsuki]

7 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

That made me cray. She was so loving and forgiving. I had to hit her to get that resolution. But I felt guilty and small.

That's the greatest cruelty when men do that.
When I see somebody all riled up to be my rival, I just treat him like a good friend so that he sees that I don't even recognize him as a threat.

Hahahahaha

[mandyjw]

Jack from Titanic. Sigh. I adored him in What's Eating Gilbert Grape too. I just love him the most when he's at his worst. 

[mandyjw]

Aww, they cut out the last part with the car. Here it is. 

 

[tsuki]

On 4.04.2019 at 3:25 PM, mandyjw said:

@tsuki I'm always here for you. 

 

@mandyjw Did you notice whose journal you're posting in?

[mandyjw]

Oh God, I'm Arnie.  My parents used to work at a dairy. They were workaholics. We would hang out there with nothing to do. They had a floor that drained for some reason from refrigeration. It was concrete but sealed perfectly smooth. I decided to take my shoes off and skate around on my bare feet. I slipped and hit the back of my head, HARD. I lost consciousness, can't remember what happened except when we got home I threw up. Then went right to sleep. I know from my own kids and frantic research online that that was a concussion. My parents never took me in to the doctor. they didn't believe in doctors at the time. 

 

Edited April 7, 2019 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

@tsuki Sorry. I get confused between you and me. The title of my journal should let me know that.

I LOVE that song of his too, one of my absolute favorites from when I was a kid. If only we'd know each other then. The disappointing dreams of adulthood would have been everything we always wanted. It's better this way though. 

I'm off to do other things. Love, peace, I'm out. 

[mandyjw]

I lied. 

 

[tsuki]

Ex machina is a movie where Yin and Yang love each other in a presence of poor little helpless ego.
On one hand, there's Nathan. Embodiment of Yang, raging curiosity, force, destruction and repurposing.
On the other hand, there's Ava and her iterations. Embodiment of Yin, receptivity, comfort deceit and survival.

Then, there's Caleb. Not a man, not a woman, but an ego.
An ego that finally found his ticket to success and does his best to earn his reward.
Of course, it is being used by both Yin and Yang the whole time to provide the smoke screen required for the magic trick.
The magic trick is simultaneous birth and death, when opposing forces finally meet and explode violently.

The movie ends with a new creation that is self-aware. It escapes the laboratory and leaves the ego trapped.

[now is forever]

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

WHAT??? Pearls go with everything silly.

 

i guess i‘m not silly .

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

There are no unspirals. This is why your toilet flushed the opposite direction in the southern hemisphere.

well it unspirals something. 

@tsuki i rearrange my cutlery every time, but i can’t draw with the left hand. my mom always thought she could keep us doing everything with two hands - knife and fork sticked the wrong way, we do it both, my sister and me.

 

 

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I lied.

I knew it wouldn't take you too long to get back here.
That's why I can chase you off without remorse .

[now is forever]

who? i had a fabulous afternoon in the sun.

want to chase me out? you want your privacy you both?

? 

it’s no fun if mommy is around is it? 

Edited April 7, 2019 by now is forever
how fast rollplay can become unspiraled.

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, now is forever said:

i guess i‘m not silly .

well it unspirals something. 

@tsuki i rearrange my cutlery every time, but i can’t draw with the left hand. my mom always thought she could keep us doing everything with two hands - knife and fork sticked the wrong way, we do it both, my sister and me.

yeah, you're right about the spirals. So paradise goes on my left hand because it's creative but not well controlled. Clarity goes on the right one.

 

 

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, tsuki said:

I knew it wouldn't take you too long to get back here.
That's why I can chase you off without remorse .

Still hurt for a second. 

I'm all dressed in red for a date with the Devil. Wish me luck. 

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, now is forever said:

want to chase me out? you want your privacy you both?

No, you're a beautiful wise woman. Please stay 

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

I'm all dressed in red for a date with the Devil. Wish me luck. 

Good luck!

We just watched ex machina together with my wife. Our marriage is like that, very polarized, but at the same time a little bit confused.
First of all, I need to learn to appreciate her emotional outbursts. I am the rational, detached force that has to be fueled somehow.
On the other hand, she needs to learn approach these outbursts vulnerably. We had a conversation about that.

It's strange how 'appreciation' can be understood in various ways.
Personal appreciation is something completely different than appreciation towards life.
The first is about being subservient towards another, and the other is about accepting one's innate vulnerability.

She wants to trust me and be vulnerable. It's a good sign.

[tsuki]

3 hours ago, now is forever said:

it’s no fun if mommy is around is it? 

I'm the daddy, so I guess that makes it a little bit twisted .

[now is forever]

2 hours ago, mandyjw said:

yeah, you're right about the spirals. So paradise goes on my left hand because it's creative but not well controlled. Clarity goes on the right one.

in my case it would be paradise goes on my right hand because it’s well controlled and clarity goes on my left hand because it’s not, it cuts through creatively. 

i like that  a new ego is born.

maybe time to change sides?

Edited April 7, 2019 by now is forever

[now is forever]

3 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Still hurt for a second. 

I'm all dressed in red for a date with the Devil. Wish me luck. 

who is the devil? what are you going to do - strip it all off and dance naked in the moonlight?

[mandyjw]

Ohhh...  my heart is heavy. Thrown out of the vortex.

Long conversation with my friend's husband. I know I did what needed to be done but I am so in pain and out of touch right now. It takes so much to listen to points of view. I want to just be free and spontaneous. This guy is the Devil with no Jesus side whatsoever.