What am I?

[now is forever]

On 18.11.2018 at 10:27 PM, tsuki said:

Today, I was contemplating what is motion in relation to the conceptual framework of separate senses.
My method was quite unorthodox, as I was walking around my house and observing how a blanked moved as I kicked it.
I brought the sensation of short-circuiting to my direct experience by touching my fingers and looking at them. It reminded me of the illusion of separation of senses. It the struck me, that motion is nothing else than the recognition that a blanket remains a blanket - even if it is completely different after I kick it.

In other words - motion is the possibility of recognizing something to be itself, even if the experience of it had changed.
The blanket keeps being a blanket even if it looks like something different (after I kicked it).
A song keeps being a song, even if it keeps sounding nothing like itself.
Something keeps being itself even if it is something different.

Motion/change is a paradox in the conceptual framework of separate senses. 
Yet another obvious thing turns out to be a misconception.

that’s where i intruded.

Edited November 22, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

2 hours ago, now is forever said:

that’s where i intruded.

Thank you for the reminder.
What I'm trying to pin down is: integration of the separate senses.

[tsuki]

Hmm,
action implies interaction of senses.
I can use two senses to convert the sense of being into one other sense.
For example - if I have the sense of being of a loudspeaker and can move and hear, then I can see it.
The motion of my head is constrained by my sense of being and my hearing.

No - they coexist at the same time. There is no causation.

Edited November 22, 2018 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Now that's something quite remarkable.

I was wondering what does it mean for the sense of sight to be a 'dimension'. Isn't it obvious that it is 2 dimensional?
When I look at the screen, the screen is flat. It is not a line.

Now is it really?
As I touch my index finger and the thumb and start rubbing them together, I know where to look.
It is not that vision is two dimensional. Looking is. Looking is vision + movement!

[now is forever]

@tsuki looking is 3 plus movement is 4.

take it as i was air.

exept if two dimensions means drawing a line from dot to dot.

Edited November 22, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

I seem to have reached the critical mass of flow. Yesterday I had a breakthrough.
I am not aware of the voice. Hearing is self-aware.
I am not aware of the movement. Movement is self aware.
Touch is a mirror.

As I look at my fingers that touch, looking is a movement.
This thought was simultaneous with the realization of self-reference of movement.
The mind is not a part of body and the body is not a part of mind. They interexist.

Vision is still something different. I still look at things.

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[tsuki]

That's scary terrifying:  Synchronicity (interexistence) -> Synchromysticism -> Schizophrenia (word salad)
EDIT: or is it just ego backlash?

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Yet another lens to perceive this mystical experience: shadow work.
Integration of my male energy. Establishing borders. Imposing myself onto others.
Impregnating the world. Sadistic pleasure. Resolving my mother issues. 

Effortless redirection of inner movements back into outer movements.
Effortless establishing of boundaries. Boundary Touch = mirror.

Important post:

 

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[tsuki]

Words: short-circuit, interexistence, inter-being, inter-are, etc seem to be synonymous with synchronicity.
I'll have to look into it.

Schizophrenia is described in such a way that I can both relate and not relate to it at the same time.
It is a perfect description of my everyday existence, except for the fact that it does not interfere with it.
I am a high functioning human being with good stable income, good education and meaningful (but few) relationships.
I'd even say that everyday I effortlessly solve complex problems that I suspect that few people do.

On the other hand, I do actually experience disassociation with sight, sound and movement, as well as various kinds of mental activities that I suspect few people relate. I do hear a voice, which is my inner dialog, I do experience hallucinations, which is my imagination and do not control my movements (which I call mastery of a skill, thinking by movement). I do have not only a word-salad, but also a thought-salad, vision-salad and movement-salad. I let these things flow and when I need, I look for meaning within their records (like this journal). 

The only thing that is different from the description of a schizophrenic is that they do not produce distress. They are what they are.
So, what makes a schizophrenic? Looking for psychiatrist's help to solve these 'issues'?

Allan Watts once said: Anybody that looks for psychiatrist's help has to get his head examined.

[now is forever]

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-synchronicity-and-coincidence

https://www.headstuff.org/topical/science/do-creativity-and-psychosis-share-genetic-roots/

what is called an illness is the root for most human development and selfregulatory processes in society.

if you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed or overstep boundaries in your social life - of course you can find support or coaching - but if you do, i wouldn’t go to a psychiatrist first, but search for a good psychologist, you can still get medication from a pschatrist later if it’s really needed.

Edited November 23, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

22 minutes ago, now is forever said:

if you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed or overstep boundaries in your social life - of course you can find support or coaching - but if you do, i wouldn’t go to a psychiatrist first, but search for a good psychologist, you can still get medication from a pschatrist later if it’s really needed.

It's not like I overstep boundaries or not. The problem was that I was establishing them consciously.
The emotional energy seems to be resolved on the bodily level now and boundaries take care of themselves.
I am no longer 'blocked' from pushing back when I feel like something is wrong. There are no emotions about emotions.
It's like I am this giant body that talks to itself. Let's see where that goes.

Thank you for the advice.

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[now is forever]

@tsuki oh that phase 

but no emotions? really, like also not the happy ones?

Edited November 23, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

@now is forever It is so funny that all of these thing happen simultaneously, acausally.
That your interference was vital to what happened.

That, or I'm just rationalizing .

[now is forever]

@tsuki it’s not acausal. you think too much in coincidences.

[tsuki]

@now is forever Did I learn to set boundaries because of you, or were you drawn because my buttons were exposed?
Did I enter a week-long mystical experience, or did I make myself publicly vulnerable during a schizophrenic episode?
Am I a shaman, or am I a madman?
What is the difference?

If I ever chose my life purpose, I want my zone of genius to be madness.

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[now is forever]

@tsuki oh mhhh - maybe we start at birth?

you could thank this bubble sponge bodymind - how did you call it? found it: bmoidnyd. i really like new words, can you make one for sponge/bubble as well?

 

Edited November 23, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

30 minutes ago, now is forever said:

oh mhhh - maybe we start at birth?

Why don't we?
Were you born because of your parents, or were your parents together because of you? (Assuming that they are, sorry!)
Should you be grateful to your parents for having you, or should your parents be proud of what you are?
Your gratefulness is their pride.There is no causality here.

30 minutes ago, now is forever said:

sponge/bubble

What does it refer to?

Edited November 23, 2018 by tsuki

[now is forever]

now you are getting interested in private stuff. well my family and i just are - i try to hold no grudges and be thankful for everything they gave to me that was good. sometimes even for some struggles. and i try to give back as far as they let me, what sometimes is struggling through. we are very close when we meet but i try to keep distance through frequency, because they are sometimes just too much especially when all together.

but seriously it was not about the relationship to my family- more about the relationship of my family and i to the world. and the whole path, and some coincidences that turned out to be synchronicities. (and i guess that goes for every spongebubble here)

well the spongebubble is that giant bmoydnid. did you not watch the sponge video?

Edited November 23, 2018 by now is forever

[tsuki]

8 minutes ago, now is forever said:

now you are getting interested in private stuff.

I was not expecting to hear an answer. I was just showing you some strangeloops regarding birth and family.
Okay, I gotta figure out how to integrate vision. Make distance into a mirror.

[now is forever]

@tsuki what is this about? why do i feel like a dressed chihuahua now? or was this about yourself?