how do i initiate interactions with people and how do i make friends out of that?

[Viking]

this is a continuation of "i have no presence of social circles" post.

i have no friends. my definition of a friend is someone i talk to regularly with and hang out with beyond school/work.

I do talk to people, during breaks between lectures usually, which are around 10 minutes, but thats it. I study in the library, but i dont talk to people there because they are busy and i have studying to do, so i cant initiate conversations. other than that i go to the gym, but there people are also busy and if i talk to them i would seem needy. besides those 3 places, lectures, library and gym there are no places in proximity to meet people, there are no hobby clubs or anything like that in my university. if i talk to people outside of lecture breaks its of pure coincidence.

also, if i talk to someone it very rarely gets to the point of talking to them outside of lecture breaks. I guess to make a friend i need to talk to people outside of lecture breaks. one way to talk is to invite people to study with me, which i hate to do. another way is to invite people to eat, which is expensive and people usually deny, it also cant be done all the time. i have no idea what people do besides those things. im rarely at the dorm so i dont talk with my roommates. most people i talk with dont go to the gym. im out of options really, kind of stuck, unless by chance i happen to stumble upon somebody not busy.

thoughts?

Edited November 12, 2018 by Viking

[Salvijus]

First rule of finding friends or a girl friend is - don't be desperate of having one. 

If you're desperate to have friends people will pick up on that.

Learn to be without friends. Then everybody will want to be your friend because you're not needy anymore. Whenever people see desperate person looking for a relationship, it's like a walking trouble.

Bhuddha abandoned the whole world, now world can't forget him. 

That's the most attractive quality in a person when he's not desperate. In fact, being desperate is never good in any sphere of life

 

 

Edited November 12, 2018 by Salvijus

[Viking]

13 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Bhuddha abandoned the whole world, now world can't forget him. 

yes, but first his basic needs were met.

i am fine by myself, im better than most people because ive been by myself most of my life, but i feel like that starts to hurt me psychologically, im having trouble speaking to people, im forgetting words. 

self transcendence is at the peak of maslow's hierarchy, i need friends first to be motivated to get there. the only honest desire i have is love and friendship. i dont even care about life purpose, let alone enlightenment, even though i know intellectually that its the thing that will bring happiness.

[Arkandeus]

Approach it spiritually  

There are no people, there is only you, but you are other people  

Meaning that you seek a connection with yourself  

What is friendship?

Quote

my definition of a friend is someone i talk to regularly with and hang out with beyond school/work.

That is not a person, nor is that a connection, that is a construct, a habit, a thing, an object , "someone to hang with", a human being is alive, it is unique  

Why do two people hang out together?

Friendship means connection, connection means life  

Every friend and connection is about yourself, a reflection, a way of knowing yourself  

  

If you are really interested in who you are, you will manifest connections to explore that

It feels like you believe you must do some kind of physical action to make friends, as far as making superficial friendships maybe that can work , but real friendships start inside, by looking inwards  

Real friendships are spiritual and will serve to make you grow and explore energies that will affect your entire cosmic existence, far beyond this human life, a real friendship is one you will remember millions of years from now on  

Such friendships are not manufactured, there is no strategy or things to do to trigger such friendships, it is destined, universal forces at work, be in connection with the universe and yourself and it will come to you at the right time

Edited November 12, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Viking]

5 minutes ago, Arkandeus said:

If you are really interested in who you are

i genuinely dont give a crap about who i am. get down to my level, im not interested in that stuff. we're speaking different languages.

6 minutes ago, Arkandeus said:

It feels like you believe you must do some kind of physical action to make friends

yes, because otherwise i will continue to be the way i am. being at home watching sitcoms.

[Salvijus]

4 minutes ago, Viking said:

i genuinely dont give a crap about who i am. get down to my level, im not interested in that stuff. we're speaking different languages.

I love your honesty

 

[Salvijus]

Could it be that the reason you have trouble with friends is your inseciurities and psychological issues and all those anxiety stuff?

In that case. If you want to have good relationships you need to fix yourself. And to fix yourself you need to meditate see, anyways you need to meditate you can't escape it

Edited November 12, 2018 by Salvijus

[Arkandeus]

Quote

i genuinely dont give a crap about who i am. get down to my level, im not interested in that stuff. we're speaking different languages.

I'm only telling you the truth as I know it, you're free to do whatever with it  

How can anyone take an interest in you if you do not take any interest in yourself?  

How can anyone know you if you do not want to know yourself?

It is like you are content presenting to the world a sliver of yourself, a dusty grey version of yourself, people can only see you as you know yourself, how you know yourself is what you present to others 

You think we're just bags of meat walking around stumbling against other, and we're like "hey whats up, lets hang out and get to know? Yeah ok we can see if we become friends"  

This is old thinking, if the world was so you would lead a different life, and didnt you say it so yourself, you feel like you have no presence? That is exactly the intiution that you know this is not how the world works

There is no physical world, everything is consciousness, and not everyone has the same presence, otherwise we would all have somewhat equal presence because we all take somewhat equal physical space with our adult sized bodies 

Truth is, you are completely transparent, especially your beliefs, and you are made of consciousness

people cannot see you to begin with, you have to see yourself clearly, then will people see you, notice you, interact with you  

There is no presence if you do not make an effort to take an interest in your being, there is nothing to share with others if you do not like to look at yourself

This is quantum physics on the level of consciousness, what is not observed does not exist

If you want to live life, only caring and observing other people, while ignoring yourself, you will manifest such a life, one that resolves around others and never about you 

You would not use the word presence if you didnt have an intuitive knowledge of how consciousness works, you do see beyond the physical illusion

Edited November 12, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Viking]

@Salvijus @Arkandeus of course I meditate and work on myself. that is long term work though. for now its ok if my interaction with people is shallow, as far as its an interaction, because i dont communicate right now with people really at all! better something rather than nothing. 

I also noticed that when I interact with people I start to realize things about myself I didnt realize by myself.

[Arkandeus]

Quote

I also noticed that when I interact with people I start to realize things about myself I didnt realize by myself.

Perfect! Thats the way to go! Double feedback8!

As you know others you know yourself! See!

Now what would happen if you had a genuine desire in getting to know yourself?

Life will automatically throw in all kinds of people!

[Viking]

20 minutes ago, Arkandeus said:

Now what would happen if you had a genuine desire in getting to know yourself?

 

but i cant control my desires

[Salvijus]

7 minutes ago, Viking said:

but i cant control my desires

There's some truth to that. But you can cultivate your desire. Educate your desire. For example whatching Leo's videos can greatly inspire you to do self actualzation. I for example every time listen to sadhguru speak about spirituality I get so hiped to do something, some meditation retreat or smth. 

You can cultivate your desires like this.

 

[Salvijus]

Sorry, I realize that this was not the kind of advise that you were looking for you just wanted some quick advise on how to initiate interactions or smth and we give you this spiritual stuff :D:D 

But do you really want an advise like that? I can give you some if you want. Be confident, speak laudly, smile, know what you want to talk about, keep eye contact. But is this really the kind of advise you're looking for?  it's not gonna solve much I think

To be honest I'd recommend you to try something from sadhguru. Either yoga or kriya or something. There're many things that he offers. Especially because his beginning programs are highly focused for things that you're talking about. Good life. Happyness. Easy living. Joy. Love. Friends. Health. Energy. Adventurous life. It's made like this on purpose. That you satisfy your basic needs and then the other programs are then about nothingness and shiva and enlightenment and stuff.

You said you're looking for those things. Sadhguru would be helpful to you. Other meditations like self-enquiry or vippassana doesn't care about your happyness. It's goes straight to the enlightenment. But you say you don't care about it. So I think sadhguru would be what you're looking for. 

 

Edited November 12, 2018 by Salvijus

[Hellspeed]

Let it go, do something original for yourself. In the process of you being what you are and what you believe in or stand for, the attraction pull will be incredible for some people doing similar things.