What is the success to failure ratio for getting girls to go out with you?

[lmfao]

Today was the first time I ever tried anything analagous to "pick up". I sat down next to this nerdy (but good looking) Jewish girl on a train who was 20 (I'm 18) and she was playing a random mobile game so the conversation started there. We were both going to the same city since we were students in the same university. Talked with her for an hour. I went outside of my comfort zone quite a bit, since I'm usually very shy infront of other girls. Turns out shes obsessed with MBTI, was interested in having deep conversations. I was attracted to her. I interpreted signals of interest from her since she was quite enthusiastic when talking. I asked her if she wanted to chill or do anything, after I'd walked outside of the train station with her. She said no . I am thankful for the practice/confidence I got at the very least. 

So my question is directed at the guys here. How many times have you gotten rejected when asking people out? Are the odds quite bad? 

Edited November 11, 2018 by lmfao

[Elysian]

There's maybe only one or two girls I've pursued that I didn't end up sleeping with, but unlike many guys, if a girl doesn't seem interested in me then I don't put myself out on a limb. If there's a girl I'm interested in but I'm not sure yet then typically I would let them into my life more so I can make a clear decision.

I've probably missed out on a lot of opportunities, but I can usually tell a person's intentions very quickly so I don't create an uncomfortable situation needlessly.

If I was you I would've tried to befriend her first. If a girl isn't obviously into you your first time meeting, then shooting for a date could've denied yourself a potential partner down the line.

[lmfao]

15 minutes ago, Elysian said:

If I was you I would've tried to befriend her first. If a girl isn't obviously into you your first time meeting, then shooting for a date could've denied yourself a potential partner down the line.

That's true. It seems as though the phallus was the more powerful decision maker than the brain. At the time I felt convinced she'd go out with me because she seemed very engaged and interested when talking to me (from my perspective anyway). Seems that she was passionate about the contents of the discussion rather than being passionate "about me" . Is it bad that I feel quite deflated lol

 

Edited November 11, 2018 by lmfao

[Emerald]

8 minutes ago, lmfao said:

Today was the first time I ever tried anything analagous to "pick up". I sat down next to this nerdy (but good looking) Jewish girl on a train who was 20 (I'm 18) and she was playing a random mobile game so the conversation started there. We were both going to the same city since we were students in the same university. Talked with her for an hour. I went outside of my comfort zone quite a bit, since I'm usually very shy infront of other girls. Turns out shes obsessed with MBTI, was interested in having deep conversations. I was attracted to her. I interpreted signals of interest from her since she was quite enthusiastic when talking. I asked her if she wanted to chill or do anything, after I'd walked outside of the train station with her. She said no . 

So my question is directed at the guys here. How many times have you gotten rejected when asking people out? Are the odds quite bad? 

It's harder if you're asking out girls you just met as girls get a lot of inquiries, and it takes a while for an genuine attraction to blossom for a woman. So, I'd say the generally the odds are probably 1 in 200, if you've only talked to her once. This might be slightly better since you go to the same college though. So, maybe 1 in 150 for co-eds. And this is true even if you were a male model or something. For most women, if you're too available too soon, she'll be uninterested.

But if it's a girl that you know and you've been building rapport with her for a couple days/weeks or so, your odds will probably go up to about 1/10 or so. 

So, you can either go the easier route of approaching and approaching and approaching girls until you hit one that's un-selective enough to give a stranger a chance. You'll get quicker success this way, because if you approach every girl you meet, you'll eventually get someone to say yes.

But if you're trying to build rapport and increase your odds by quite a bit, it's important that you see the girl frequently in a normal platonic social situation throughout the week (i.e. have a class together, work at the same place, hang out with the same people, go to the same parties, etc.) That way, you can build platonic rapport with her for a week or so before you ask her out someplace.

There is no guarantee here, of course. And the time investment is a lot steeper (days and weeks vs. seconds). But your odds will go up significantly for that particular girl. And the girl will probably be a bit more selective in general which is good for a long-term partner as it may indicate that they have better boundaries and better self-esteem. 

So, you just have to know what you want. If you just want to hook up, then approaching as many women as possible is probably your best bet. If you approach 20 women per day, it'll probably take you a week and a half max to get a yes. 

But if you want to find someone who is compatible with you for a long term relationship, then I highly recommend building platonic rapport with the women that you see on a frequent basis before asking them out. Women prefer this method too. That's why the odds are so much higher. The drawback here is that the time investment is high, there are still no guarantees, and there's a limit to the amount of women that you know. This is why all the PUAs don't recommend this method. You can run through all your possibilities and still get a no after having invested months on handful of women. 

But this is the method that women prefer. And if you're looking for a long-term partner who is also looking for something steady, you'll generally find a better quality partner with more in common with you, if you use this method.

 

[lmfao]

@Emerald thanks for the response. You gave quite the guide there. So cold approaches don't work out that well on a case by case basis. If women were to cold approach men, they would succeed. I think this is a consequence of women finding it easier to get partners. The way males and females form attractions is different as well. I mean right now, I don't know if I want hook ups or an actual relationships. I just have urges for affection and sex. Stronger urges for just intamcy. 

So if I approach 20 women a day I'll probably find someone after 1 and a half weeks. Today I've approached 1, maybe you can be my second? ?

 

Edited November 12, 2018 by lmfao

[Emerald]

26 minutes ago, lmfao said:

@Emerald thanks for the response. You gave quite the guide there. So cold approaches don't work out that well on a case by case basis. If women were to cold approach men, they would succeed. I think this is a consequence of women finding it easier to get partners. The way males and females form attractions is different as well. I mean right now, I don't know if I want hook ups or an actual relationships. I just have urges for affection and sex. Stronger urges for just intamcy. 

So if I approach 20 women a day I'll probably find someone after 1 and a half weeks. Today I've approached 1, maybe you can be my second? ?

 

Easy now, kiddo. I'm an old married lady with children. Haha! 

But yes, the idea is that if you're persistent and cast the net wide, you'll find someone if fairly short order. 

Also, you have a great advantage of being a freshman in college. So, a lot of freshmen girls are looking for boyfriends. 

Note: I forgot to mention this but it's important. If you do cold approach, try to do most of it off-campus like at clubs/bars/etc. It should be a place where it's expected. Otherwise, you'll get a reputation as the guy who asks everyone out. And that will kill a lot of opportunities.

Edited November 12, 2018 by Emerald

[lmfao]

16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

Easy now, kiddo. I'm an old married lady with children. Haha! 

IT WAS WORTH A SHOT, LOL. You don't look old

16 minutes ago, Emerald said:

But yes, the idea is that if you're persistent and cast the net wide, you'll find someone if fairly short order. 

Also, you have a great advantage of being a freshman in college. So, a lot of freshmen girls are looking for boyfriends. 

Good point. Thank you for the response (all jokes aside). 

 

Edited November 12, 2018 by lmfao

[Emerald]

1 minute ago, lmfao said:

It was worth a shot, LOL. You don't look old

You're right. Thank you for the response (all jokes aside). 

 

You're welcome. Did you read the edit that I made the response. I thought of it about ten minutes after I'd written it originally. But it's really important to keep that advice in mind.

 

[lmfao]

@Emerald I just read the note you added. 

27 minutes ago, Emerald said:

If you do cold approach, try to do most of it off-campus like at clubs/bars/etc. 

I hate clubbing with a passion. Its full of drunk retards awkwardly dancing to trashy songs. 

 

Edited November 12, 2018 by lmfao

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, lmfao said:

@Emerald I just read the note you added. 

I hate clubbing with a passion. Its full of drunk retards awkwardly dancing to trashy songs. 

 

I understand. But hear me out, I have a friend who ironically just struck up a conversation with me on FB a moment ago after having not talked in a very long time. Not necessary info, but very ironic because I had him in mind when I gave you this warning. So, very synchronistic.

My friend (who I didn't know at the time) transferred to my college when I was in my junior year. He was a few years older than me at the time but he had just started college because he spent a few years in the military.

My first impression of him was really negative because I just met him and he asked me out like two minutes later. Then, through word of mouth I heard from like 10 other girls that he had done the same to them. So, my opinion of him was low, at first.

But about a week later, I was walking at night from the gas station down the street from my college back to my dorm room, and I ran into him and he was really genuinely upset. He told me that he had just found out that a lot of people disliked him because he asked out so many girls. He was genuinely very surprised by this, and didn't see anything strange in his actions. He's always had difficulty picking up on social cues.

But he continued to have problems because of the bad first impression he had given. Most people didn't (and still don't) understand that he meant no harm in his actions and that he can't help his social unawareness.

So, I didn't want to risk putting you in that kind of situation by not adding that caveat to my advice. 

Now, you can still approach girls on campus, but not 20 per day for sure. That you'd probably save for a club.  But maybe approach a few per week... but make sure that they don't know eachother very well. If you try to ask out a bunch of women in the same social group, it will likely turn out badly.

[lmfao]

@Emerald yeah, 20 per day is a no go. Its probably impossible for me to do that in my day-to-day life. A few per week though sounds alright. I feel bad for that guy you talked about lol. I find it difficult to pick up on social ques as well lol, making this process harder. Right now I'm just flirting with the idea of a relationships, but I feel very pessimistic about the whole thing. I'm an INTP who only enjoys talking about maths, physics, philosophy, psychology, politics... Etc and besides that the only thing which interests me is Eastern spirituality. I just feel like I'm on a different temperamental level from everyone around me, e. G. I'll have better conversations with my university professors then I do with my acquaintances. Sustained periods of loneliness in my life has made me skeptical that I'll ever find people I connect with. 

Edit: Even if I were to cold approach girls, my only accomplashible objective is likely sex since I doubt I will find anyone on the same wavelength as me. 

Edited November 12, 2018 by lmfao

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, lmfao said:

@Emerald yeah, 20 per day is a no go. Its probably impossible for me to do that in my day-to-day life. A few per week though sounds alright. I feel bad for that guy you talked about lol. I find it difficult to pick up on social ques as well lol, making this process harder. Right now I'm just flirting with the idea of a relationships, but I feel very pessimistic about the whole thing. I'm an INTP who only enjoys talking about maths, physics, philosophy, psychology, politics... Etc and besides that the only thing which interests me is Eastern spirituality. I just feel like I'm on a different temperamental level from everyone around me, e. G. I'll have better conversations with my university professors then I do with my acquaintances. Sustained periods of loneliness in my life has made me skeptical that I'll ever find people I connect with. 

Edit: Even if I were to cold approach girls, my only accomplashible objective is likely sex since I doubt I will find anyone on the same wavelength as me. 

It's difficult, that's for sure. But there are people out there. And what I found is that having similar interests is only one piece of the puzzle. There are about ten other compatibility factors that precede that one in importance. So, you don't have to find someone who's perfectly into the same things as you. And even if you did, you may have no chemistry whatsoever. You just have to find someone who shares some of your interests who enjoys out of the box thinking and has their own passions as well. They're out there and by the plenty. But they're also more rare than they are common. So, I totally understand the difficulty.

But you can look for some tell-tale signs of a relatively "woken up" eighteen year old girl. She may be a bit iconoclastic, have a major in art, philosophy, or the humanities in general. She might dress unusually, be a loner, and/or hang out with a nerdy/off-beat crowd. She will probably have a very particular taste in music and art. And she will have a clear sense of self and direction. And she'll be chilled out and open-minded. 

Now, none of these are guarantees of being compatible or that a particular girl is actually more awake. These are outward traits, after all. But this is always the type of girl that I would hang out with back then. And they were always similar in their way of thinking to me, even if they didn't share my exact interests in this that and the other thing. But we always got eachother, and could have deep conversations on a lot of different topics, and there was a clear sense of intimacy between friends because we were cut from the same cloth. I'm still friends with most of them now.

This is the type of person that someone with these types of interests and personality-leanings really needs in their life, whether as a friend or as a partner. 

At my current age, I have come to notice the vibe that I get from someone when we're cut from the same cloth. And it's something that I notice nearly right away. So, my recommendation is to continue socializing and get really good at finding who's cut from the same cloth as you, friendship-wise and relationship-wise. It will make socialization and building relationships quite a bit easier.

But my tell-tale signs should help in a pinch... But again, that's no guarantee. Just know, that those kind of girls are uncommon but not THAT uncommon. They're definitely around, especially on college campuses.

 

[lmfao]

@Emerald Thank you!