Lies I Have Told Others To Fuel My Ego And Self Image

[Huz]

I have just watched Leo's video on lying. It scared the shit out of me. Thought I was starting to get somewhere with my personal development but back to square one. I have lied in my past to my family and peers, and am scared if the topics in which the lies where said arise again. To what extent should go cleanse yourself of lies, should I go and make amends for all the lies I have told. Or if it comes back up in a topic then admit where I have lied. 

Also, when Leo said when you act polite or give a smile when you don't mean it is a lie. Is he saying that you give up that type of stuff for good?

Edited April 5, 2016 by Huz88

[Anicko]

My response to the first question is... You must eventually cleanse it all, but it's not going to be what you expect. No, you don't have to go back and make amends to anyone unless it seems like it's absolutely the right thing to do. You have to learn to really forgive yourself and everyone else, learn what you needed to, and let it go. 

For the second part, yes and no. You don't have to make not being a liar ever again some lofty goal to achieve. 

Do the inner work, and your behavior will start to change without you having to work on it directly at all. 

Notice your lies, follow them to your core beliefs. Get rid of the beliefs. You'll stop lying so much. 

Edited April 5, 2016 by Anicko

[Philip]

11 hours ago, Huz88 said:

Also, when Leo said when you act polite or give a smile when you don't mean it is a lie. Is he saying that you give up that type of stuff for good?

@Huz88 I think you should slowly transform your life until you get to a point where you don't need to be polite or fake a smile ever again.

Either because you become so genuinely kind and happy that you can always smile and care for others in an authentic way. 

Or because you become so financially and emotionally independent that you don't need to make a good impression on anyone in order to get what you want in life.

But hopefully both

[charlie2dogs]

On 4/5/2016 at 8:22 AM, Huz88 said:

I have just watched Leo's video on lying. It scared the shit out of me. Thought I was starting to get somewhere with my personal development but back to square one. I have lied in my past to my family and peers, and am scared if the topics in which the lies where said arise again. To what extent should go cleanse yourself of lies, should I go and make amends for all the lies I have told. Or if it comes back up in a topic then admit where I have lied. 

Also, when Leo said when you act polite or give a smile when you don't mean it is a lie. Is he saying that you give up that type of stuff for good?

its not about giving up little petty bs, its about become a different kind of being.

[Leo Gura]

You don't have to look too far back into your past when it comes to lying. You've already lied 20 times today and you'll lie 20 times tomorrow. Focus on fixing the source of that.

[Emerald]

On ‎4‎/‎5‎/‎2016 at 8:22 AM, Huz88 said:

I have just watched Leo's video on lying. It scared the shit out of me. Thought I was starting to get somewhere with my personal development but back to square one. I have lied in my past to my family and peers, and am scared if the topics in which the lies where said arise again. To what extent should go cleanse yourself of lies, should I go and make amends for all the lies I have told. Or if it comes back up in a topic then admit where I have lied. 

Also, when Leo said when you act polite or give a smile when you don't mean it is a lie. Is he saying that you give up that type of stuff for good?

The nature of living from the ego is to lie constantly. It is the only way to maintain identification with the self-concept. You have to be constantly deceiving yourself simply to protect the imaginary ego from imaginary dangers.

When I had my second enlightenment experience, I realized that I was constantly lying to myself. I considered myself radically honest too. I'd go to great lengths simply to tell the 100% truth to everyone I encountered. I was obsessed with honesty. I wanted desperately to be seen as a 'man of my word,' so to speak.  But then when I saw through my ego, I saw that I had no real capacity to be honest with others because I had no capacity to be honest with myself... and I didn't even realize it. That's the nature of being in a low consciousness state.

So, don't sweat it. You don't have to force yourself to stop lying... just become conscious of your own lies. I guarantee you that you lie at least 10 times more than you realize. Consider it human nature and don't fret too much over it. But as you become more aware the ego will soften, and real honesty will become a possibility for you. For now, it is likely too big of a stretch. So, don't beat yourself up... just watch and be mindful.

[Phocus]

Similar to what @Emerald Wilkins said, accept that you are a liar.  Then, work from within the confines of "the box" to transcend it.  Intellectually believing that you should no longer lie will not bring about any lasting change.  Fix the problem at the root.

[Isle of View]

@Huz88

Don't beat yourself up. We all incorporated lies as a "save solution" in the past.

You shouldn't worry so much about what you've done. Just decide that you want to be more honest to yourself and others.

Good thing about honesty is, that truth actually makes free. It's your ticket back home.

Just as @Emerald Wilkins mentioned:

16 hours ago, Emerald Wilkins said:

The nature of living from the ego is to lie constantly. It is the only way to maintain identification with the self-concept. You have to be constantly deceiving yourself simply to protect the imaginary ego from imaginary dangers.

From an ascendet  point of view, it's more obvious what a lie actually is.

That's one of the reasons people suffer crash and burn phenomena after their first (few) ascension experiences (translate "enlightenments").
Some truth are hard to integrate and people tend to disguise and obfuscate the truth with a new load of self deception. 

Honor and integrate the truth you find. Even if it's a truth that you're a liar. In the long haul you will greatly benefit from your practice.

 

~Chris

Edited April 9, 2016 by Isle of View

[Huz]

On 9 April 2016 at 4:15 AM, Emerald Wilkins said:

The nature of living from the ego is to lie constantly. It is the only way to maintain identification with the self-concept. You have to be constantly deceiving yourself simply to protect the imaginary ego from imaginary dangers.

When I had my second enlightenment experience, I realized that I was constantly lying to myself. I considered myself radically honest too. I'd go to great lengths simply to tell the 100% truth to everyone I encountered. I was obsessed with honesty. I wanted desperately to be seen as a 'man of my word,' so to speak.  But then when I saw through my ego, I saw that I had no real capacity to be honest with others because I had no capacity to be honest with myself... and I didn't even realize it. That's the nature of being in a low consciousness state.

So, don't sweat it. You don't have to force yourself to stop lying... just become conscious of your own lies. I guarantee you that you lie at least 10 times more than you realize. Consider it human nature and don't fret too much over it. But as you become more aware the ego will soften, and real honesty will become a possibility for you. For now, it is likely too big of a stretch. So, don't beat yourself up... just watch and be mindful.

Thanks Emerald. Just reminiscing on this post because a lot of good advice was offered. Are you saying that i should slowly work on stages of how to bring my self to stop lying that was one Leo's episode. i.e

1) Be mindful of your lies

2) Speak the truth exactly as it is

3) Speak you emotions exactly as they are

So start of at stage one the slowly work yourself up. How does stage one begin to stop lies. Is it because when we are mindful of lying, it reduces the effect of karma on the lie? Also because, it takes the sting of lying because you accept it? Have you got any other reasons?

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Huz88 said:

Thanks Emerald. Just reminiscing on this post because a lot of good advice was offered. Are you saying that i should slowly work on stages of how to bring my self to stop lying that was one Leo's episode. i.e

1) Be mindful of your lies

2) Speak the truth exactly as it is

3) Speak you emotions exactly as they are

So start of at stage one the slowly work yourself up. How does stage one begin to stop lies. Is it because when we are mindful of lying, it reduces the effect of karma on the lie? Also because, it takes the sting of lying because you accept it? Have you got any other reasons?

Thanks! Well, the number one reason that we lie in the first place is because we believe ourselves. So we don't actually know that we're lying. We just don't see it because we're used to believing our thought stories. When we're mindful enough to see the process of lying and identifying with falseness, it becomes almost comical that we could have believed our self-lies in the first place. So, the lying drops away naturally as we observe it because it doesn't have the effect that it used to. We don't believe in it anymore. Just like, when you were five years old you might have been excited when your parents told you that Santa was coming. If your parents told you that Santa was coming now, you'd look at them like they were crazy. It's because you're aware of the falseness and untruth behind Santa Claus. It's effortless to see through the falseness and you waste no more thought on it. 

So, mindfulness is key. So part one from your post above is what is necessary, and parts two and three are methods for achieving part one. Here is an example of a self-lie that I used to tell myself. I used to tell myself "I'm an honest person." Notice how I'm making a generalization about an "I", when there is no "I". It could have been true that I tried to only speak the truth, but there is no me to actually be labeled as honest. Plus, this generalization only existed to fortify the ego. Or another lie, "I'm open-minded"... but was I open-minded to close-mindedness or was I just using it to paint this "I" as a good guy by contrasting it with people I had labeled as closed minded, and thus the bad guys? The reality is that the statement "I am open-minded" was only there to assert my ego's dominance over closed-minded people. It was there to serve a self-concept. Certainly, there were things that I didn't feel right about: murder, rape, incest, etc. If I were to believe the concept, "I am open-minded" in a dogmatic way, I could care so much about painting the "I" in this way, that I lose sight of my feelings regarding the harmful actions of others. This would cause a retraction of consciousness to my own personal experience just to keep the "I" superior. 

So, the first place to look for self-lies, are in your generalization that you make about yourself. 

Edited May 1, 2016 by Emerald Wilkins

[Rodrigo]

@Huz88 Dont worry because people you lied to, lied to you as well. Either for profit or ego everything is a lie. Our society and everything in it is based on lies. Even other animals pretend and lie to each others on a certain more basic level. Are you really feeling bad about yourself because of what someone you dont even know said in a video? Start adressing that vulnerability as a first step to self improvement and growth....and later you will naturally stop telling so many lies because most lying is childish. Telling people you lied to them or trying to make amends is clinging to the past. Don take thinks so literally.

[Huz]

1 hour ago, Rodrigo said:

@Huz88 Dont worry because people you lied to, lied to you as well. Either for profit or ego everything is a lie. Our society and everything in it is based on lies. Even other animals pretend and lie to each others on a certain more basic level. Are you really feeling bad about yourself because of what someone you dont even know said in a video? Start adressing that vulnerability as a first step to self improvement and growth....and later you will naturally stop telling so many lies because most lying is childish. Telling people you lied to them or trying to make amends is clinging to the past. Don take thinks so literally.

I guess I am vulnerable, especially socially. My actions are dictated sometimes by the opinions of others. What are your suggestions to address venerability?

That was helpful, I guess i have to me accepting and own the lies i have told and love myself for them 

[charlie2dogs]

On 4/5/2016 at 8:22 AM, Huz88 said:

I have just watched Leo's video on lying. It scared the shit out of me. Thought I was starting to get somewhere with my personal development but back to square one. I have lied in my past to my family and peers, and am scared if the topics in which the lies where said arise again. To what extent should go cleanse yourself of lies, should I go and make amends for all the lies I have told. Or if it comes back up in a topic then admit where I have lied. 

Also, when Leo said when you act polite or give a smile when you don't mean it is a lie. Is he saying that you give up that type of stuff for good?

this is not about giving up things, its about becoming a different kind of being other than a human identity that lies and deceives, when you function from your true state of being, these things dont happen, so the objective isnt to give up everything its to become a new kind of being, hopefully one that is self realized.

 

2 hours ago, Huz88 said:

I guess I am vulnerable, especially socially. My actions are dictated sometimes by the opinions of others. What are your suggestions to address venerability?

That was helpful, I guess i have to me accepting and own the lies i have told and love myself for them 

 

[Rodrigo]

@Huz88 If you are a teen or a young adult, i presume you are, you are at a phase in your life when you question society and the world around you because you feel its being imposed on you and you certainly dont feel responsible for all the mess so you start believing older people are/were wrong and dont know what they are/were doing. So you want to improve yourself, fit in the mess around you and at the same time change it because you think there is so much that is wrong. What Leo does in his videos (i watched some) and in this forum is putting out information he gathered in a way younger people find easier to understand. Being a young guy himself Leo has a light and dynamic way of explaining things without becoming fastidious. He doesnt go into boring detail of the subjects he talks about and he puts it all together quite well. He is a good teacher, better teacher than people who know more than him about the stuff he talks about because he is a good communicator.

The reason i talked about Leo is the fact that you wrote that something he said scared you, You are doing the right thing listening to videos and thinking about yourself but if you give too much attention to only one source of information (Leo, in this case) you will become a cheap copy of someone, dwelling on his thoughts and teachings and becoming stiff. The way i think it, the right thing to do is watch all of Leo material if you like, than search for the sources of the information you got from him, then study those people who contradict all the previous information and studying you did, Twist and turn every thought in your head because they are all wrong and right at the same time. They are nothing just like every thought in my head, Leo head, Dalai Lama head, Nisargadatta Mahara head, the pope head and so on son....The more you think the more you will learn that the only thoughts that really are worth something are the thoughts responsible for the food you can put on your plate now and tomorrow and even those dont matter for anything or anybody except your digestive system..The secret to be light is dropping the weight not replacing it or adding more weight. The secret for a clean thought is to stop believing it altogether not replacing your thoughts with someone else thoughts.

As for strong determination sitting and all meditation techniques, they can be fun and you can even hallucinate but dont expect to ever get clear thoughts, enlightenment or whatever and carry it with you daily because all you will get will be temporary sensations and thoughts. Sure you can convince yourself you are anything you like if you think about it long and hard enough but that thing you will be will allways be nothing more than a thought inside your head.

 

[Huz]

11 hours ago, Rodrigo said:

@Huz88 If you are a teen or a young adult, i presume you are, you are at a phase in your life when you question society and the world around you because you feel its being imposed on you and you certainly dont feel responsible for all the mess so you start believing older people are/were wrong and dont know what they are/were doing. So you want to improve yourself, fit in the mess around you and at the same time change it because you think there is so much that is wrong. What Leo does in his videos (i watched some) and in this forum is putting out information he gathered in a way younger people find easier to understand. Being a young guy himself Leo has a light and dynamic way of explaining things without becoming fastidious. He doesnt go into boring detail of the subjects he talks about and he puts it all together quite well. He is a good teacher, better teacher than people who know more than him about the stuff he talks about because he is a good communicator.

The reason i talked about Leo is the fact that you wrote that something he said scared you, You are doing the right thing listening to videos and thinking about yourself but if you give too much attention to only one source of information (Leo, in this case) you will become a cheap copy of someone, dwelling on his thoughts and teachings and becoming stiff. The way i think it, the right thing to do is watch all of Leo material if you like, than search for the sources of the information you got from him, then study those people who contradict all the previous information and studying you did, Twist and turn every thought in your head because they are all wrong and right at the same time. They are nothing just like every thought in my head, Leo head, Dalai Lama head, Nisargadatta Mahara head, the pope head and so on son....The more you think the more you will learn that the only thoughts that really are worth something are the thoughts responsible for the food you can put on your plate now and tomorrow and even those dont matter for anything or anybody except your digestive system..The secret to be light is dropping the weight not replacing it or adding more weight. The secret for a clean thought is to stop believing it altogether not replacing your thoughts with someone else thoughts.

As for strong determination sitting and all meditation techniques, they can be fun and you can even hallucinate but dont expect to ever get clear thoughts, enlightenment or whatever and carry it with you daily because all you will get will be temporary sensations and thoughts. Sure you can convince yourself you are anything you like if you think about it long and hard enough but that thing you will be will allways be nothing more than a thought inside your head.

 

Yeah I am 20. I understand where you are coming from. It always beneficial for you to get information from different source from which I do. I had a response from that video that did scare because my ego wanted to defend what I have lied about in the past, nothing more than that. On this self-actualised journey I get my information from other sources, like books and meetings and honestly was a big part to play for self actualisation. Previously the tone of thoughts going on in my head where very negative, and I set out to change them by spiritual means. This site has done so much wonders for me in many ways.

As for strong determination sitting, its one of the most disturbing things i am doing in my life and not really fun for me. They have been instances where there was so much space in my mind due to the lack of thought. What happens when you get deep into spiritual practices where the thoughts in your head are virtually silenced during the day unless you need them for a situation? Are you going to die? because you say that all you are is nothing more then a thought in your head, but you don't always think...

[Rodrigo]

@Huz88 "Thoughts are virtually silenced" but they are still there in the form of awareness. Awareness is also thought. There is nothing to attain spirtually except the thought that there is nothing to attain Buddha himself is quoted as saying something like this (guess he is quoted as saying something like"he gained nothing from enlightenment" but i dont want to google it now). You can change thoughts and thats all you can do. Everything is as real as you think it is and as important as you think it is. Enlightenment, i dont know what that is but the way i think it someone who thinks he is as special and important as anything in the unverse is someone who is in tune with his existence.

About strong sitting meditation i stumbled upon a youtube video of a budhist monk who is a monk since he was 12 or something, meditating all the time duiring his teen years in Sri Lanka. In his early 20s he went to USA and he talked about getting furious on the bus because the bus was full and nobody gave him the seat and in Sri Lanka people stand up for the monks. He said he got so mad he told other monk he wouldnt stay in USA. Took him time to calm down and tame his ego.

 

What i want to show you with the previous example is that you can try to do whatever people tell you should do in terms of meditation but until you understand how useless it all is for thought transformation, it will do more harm than good. The way i think it you are better off thinking about what is meditation and what is thought in its various forms than trying to shut down thought just because of what others think.

Write a prisoner with solitary confinement experience about strong sitting meditation and see what he will tell you. Many guys in prison locked up 23 hours a day meditate a lot and get into yoga but they dont become spiritual gurus because of it, or experience permanent bliss because of it. They can think they are out and free through meditation but only for a while. Only the ones who go crazy  (crazy meaning unable to function and survive efficiently) will claim they are elightened, special, in perpetual bliss tec etc.

I think about how insignificant everything and everyone on earth was before they existed and how insignificant everything and everyone will be after this planet is gone. This thought has always helped me put everything in perspective. Im not special and i will never be. Nobody is.

Show me someone who doesnt need to breath to keep the heart pumping and i show you someone unique, special, who has something no mamal in the universe has. Show me someone who claims he never lied or lies and i show you a liar.

Here is a video of the monk who told the bus story. One of his videos, i dont know if its the bus one.