Music Addiction Recovery

[Aquarius]

I was going through Leo's website and I clicked on "start here" and watched a few foundational videos. I got many insights and now I am clear about how should I lead my life in my situation.

He was talking in his "How to start self-actualization" video about 40 things that are worth working on and one of them was addiction. Then it suddenly hit me that oh my god I am wasting at least 3 to 5 hours a day listening to music! I usually do this to contemplate insights but it got to the point where I cannot really do anything without music, my happiness depends on it! Also I daydream so much that I cannot put anything in practice because it's too painful to leave the daydreams!

I had a thread like this a while ago, maybe in february or march this year and I was asking for advice. Leo replied that I'm using music as a crutch and it's true, however I was too weak to stop and now I think it is time. I think I am going cold turkey about this because I cannot do this anymore I feel like throwing up from this insane amount of music intake. I'm not saying I won't listen to music ever again, it's just I'm taking a long break, maybe 30 days. I stop listening to music today, but I will update from tomorrow on (day 1, day 2, day 3...etc.) 

I will either succeed or I will lose my mind. I have a rubber bracelet and I'm snapping it hard when I get the urge to listen to music. Wish me luck.  

[Aquarius]

Day 1:

Yesterday I was having some urges to listen to music. Usually I get up and dance with headphones on my head. I did get these automatic behaviors, I did get up, moved around in the house. Then sat down again. Then got up again. I also felt it a few times in my stomach, as if I was "hungry" for music.

Today (day 1) was ok. I didn't do that automatic walking around the house that much. I was more present in the moment. More energetic. More social. I had maths class this morning and I could actually resist 2 full hours of maths, not just 1. Then I visited my father and socialized a bit with him. He had music in the car and we also had music in the restaurant, but it wasn't my taste so it's not like it got me into Daydreamland or anything like that. 

Overall I feel like I am more energetic, present, social and witty. I had some really cheeky comebacks (which means I'm fully present and not daydreaming or ruminating). I was talking with some men on a dating site, not to actually date them but mainly to practice my skills (honestly I'm shy even around internet people). But today went great. I could actually have fun and get the best out of even the most annoying men. It felt like I'm in control. I didn't get the urges to get up from the computer and listen to music like I usually do. So it went fine.

It's really amazing how much removing a simple distraction does with your life! I had such a rich day today when I didn't just hang on my phone with all the bs repetitive music. I also went to sleep earlier because I didn't distract myself with late hours of music listening. Honestly right now I have a great urge to go listen to the radio, or maybe the latest death metal album, because it became a habit over the last... 9 years? Oh god. But I'm going to sleep early again and I will be full of energy again! And this is worth so much more than listening to the same old songs on repeat!

Edited November 12, 2018 by Aquarius

[EternalForest]

If you really love music why not just listen to it in the car and spend the rest of the day being productive doing other things

[Aquarius]

@EternalForest What car? Lol.

And no, it is an addiction and a crutch for me. It doesn't work like that. I disconnect from reality and I daydream too much when I listen to music. It became a problem. Trust me, this is real hard addiction not just something insignificant sadly.  It also always destroyed my sleep schedule because 1 hour was never enough, I needed more and more and couldn't control my hunger for music. Even when I felt sick of it and I hated it, I still needed it when I was sad, angry, frustrated, etc. There are more healthy ways of dealing with these emotions and their roots than running away from the truth. Like facing them for example. It's more complex than just listening to songs for me. 

I'm not saying people should stop listening to music, it's just that this helps me if I stop. Because that's my psychology. What helps me might harm you and vice versa. 

[Aquarius]

Day 2:

I did not listen to music, but this guy had his first radio show and I was curious so I listened for like 5 minutes, just to hear his voice. He was talking more than letting music play so I don't really consider this listening to music. Besides, I only stayed for around 5 minutes to congratulate him. 

I heard a song in a clothing shop that I liked and interestingly I could appreciate it more than in the times when I listened to 4-5 hours of music daily. I didn't go to the shop to listen to music so this is not cheating. I needed to buy something.

I had some minor sadness and conflicts with some people, also inner conflicts related to my departure from my ex-bestfriend. I decided not to talk about him anymore because I'm just complicating things anyway. The idea is that this triggered very negative feelings in me and I immediately felt the urge to gratify myself with some music. I carefully observed how this urge arised, then I let go of it. I think I might have repressed it as well. But honestly this forced me to face some truths that I've been avoiding because they were too painful. Especially regarding some deep wounds. I feel like my mind is generally more clearer nowadays now that I don't really daydream, so it's easier to see the big picture. When I daydreamed I think I often self-deceived as well with idealistic lies.

Today I was in a worse mood than usually, but it went ok.  

[Shin]

I feel you, but sometimes it's necessary.

Like, when a particular teacher doesn't give you the slideshows, speak way too fast for you to write anything down, AND only read what's on the slideshows.

So what do you do ? 

You only take pictures of the slideshows with your smartphone and have to write everything down later.

I would go crazy if I had to do that without music  

[Aquarius]

@Shin Sigh unfortunately I have to agree with you. I was just curious what would happen if I stopped listening to music.

At first I thought it was useful, because I went to sleep early, got up early so I was full of energy. Also, I distanced myself from toxic people, this causing me to be very energetic and full of good vibes.

But the thing is, I can go to sleep earlier and give up listening to music at night, and maybe only listen in the morning or when I'm in the mood for 5-10 minutes each session. And as soon as I surrounded myself with other toxic people, things went bad again, and I didn't even have music by my side to soothe me. 

And the main thing that I realized is that there needs to be discipline and lots of planning and awareness about every subtle and hard addiction, because as soon as I stopped my urge to listen to music, I would pick up some food, sleep, internet, online chatting and other obsessions, and my important things didn't get cared of!!!

This experiment wasn't wasted time though, as I gained the following insights:

• I have more subtle and semi-hard addictions than I imagined 
• I need discipline not to replace a bad habit with another bad habit when I suffer
• I became more aware of my surroundings and faced some harsh hidden truths
• still a subtle addiction, BUT! I talked to more people  which is progress because I'm shy.
• the realization that problems are multi-faceted, and need systematic healing approach (e.g. eliminating all the factors not just one, eliminating the root cause first)
• I need to spend more time with my family
• I spent more time on the forum and I got many insights for my growth

I'll stop this challenge for now and put it away for times when I can come up with a systematic plan for eliminating root problems, which means incorporating meditation practices, communicating more with family, planning more outside activities and travels, and releasing trapped emotions!

Thanks everybody for actually warning me that I'm deceiving myself with this challenge.  It's a good challenge, Leo Gura recommended it a year ago. But I don't need it right now. It was fun though lol. I'll write in this thread soon if I have something to add.

[Aquarius]

Day 3:

I'm only adding this because I went through 3 days without music, not 2.

Today was a bad day, lots of conflicts with people. It had nothing to do with my music challenge. Some music would have helped though. I realized it wasn't the lack of music that made me happy on the first days, but the fact that things went well in my life and I went to sleep earlier. I am actually surprised that good sleep helps soo much.. I mean being aware of my SPINE suddenly for no reason?? Leo talked about this but I thought it requires years of meditation! 

So music doesn't harm after all. I can live without music, but what's the point? First I have to fill in some lacks like a good sleep hygiene, people skills and making peace with family. 

Freezing this challenge for now because it makes no sense. There are other root causes for my subtle addictions and removing music only worsens things, but these 3-4 days were very liberating and cool and they were worth it.

[VioletFlame]

It sounds like you were having a direct organic, intuitive, SUPER-natural mind/body/soul reaction to the power of music. Music has the universal analgesic ability to shift our minds and tap into the sensation of empathy & emotion. It also raises our vibration. As a musician and practitioner of meditation, I find there is an immense close connection here. As Beethoven once said, "Music is the mediator between the life of the senses and the life of the spirit." It has also played a major role in countless spiritual and mystical traditions for millennia.

When someone is listening to a song or even gazing at a painting, there is a sense of hyper-presence being activated. And I've come to find that you can visualize & manifest anything through the magic of art, music, or any form of creative energy, and sometimes for me things begin to manifest naturally and spontaneously when I least expect it, when I decide to just let everything go. 

I believe any "flow state" someone is in where they're completely lost in the moment, whether they're dancing, writing, acting, playing a musical instrument, or what have them, this is a massive form of active meditation and I don't think it's talked about enough. Sedentary styles of meditation and body awareness in yoga are all fun & games and highly significant methods of course, but I believe these are just as powerful because it also taps into understanding your true passion, self-expression, and mystical potential.

I also believe being in the state and flow of creativity can directly lead you to nirvana. There has been numerous occasions in which I would spontaneously write something and later on contemplate where it even came from. I would feel convinced that "something else" musically possessed me, so to speak. And when I am in the otherworldly flow of creating, when the shivers & sparks come in, it feels totally out-of-body. It is an astral experience. But I'm not the only one who encounters this, this has been learned for centuries. 

Personally, by all means I am not underestimating your music addiction, but frankly, I do think it's one of the coolest addictions I've heard of so far. If it really is affecting your productivity, I wouldn't recommend completely eliminating music from you and the advantages it gives you, because I sense it would be eliminating an innate part of yourself and I would avoid the risk of life becoming banal and mundane.

I would try listening to music while achieving certain tasks, or if that is too distracting, I would try incorporating musical elements into your meditation practices. Using music as a method can be very experimental which could be something to be excited about. One can acquire deep metaphysical insights just from listening to one song. If you could practice meditating to some instrumental music or whatever your heart desires, and become really good at it, not only does this feel incredibly powerful and breathtaking in the moment, but also essentially, you wouldn't really be using music as a crutch anymore, but more so you will be using it as a productive tool for spiritual development, while also exercising the mind and awareness of your emotions and Goddess energy.

Edited November 14, 2018 by VioletFlame

[VioletFlame]

I hope this is decent advice. @Leo Gura Thoughts? 

[Aquarius]

@VioletFlame Actually, when I said I'm listening to music for 5 hours I meant meditating to music for 5 hours. You got that right. I'm always in flow state, that's why I ignored the fact that I have a deep rooted depression. I've been in flow state even without music though. But it might be my serotonin imbalance as well (my brain produces too much). I don't know.