Living in the woods and meditating: Scared...Any thoughts?

[Matt23]

I've had this idea for a while now (a couple years maybe) of going to live in the woods for a few years and simply do spiritual work.  I think it's a manifestation of a thought I've had for more years (which is leaving my family and known world for a couple years) that originally came, I think, from a documentary I watched on these South American native people who lived around the Patagonian Mountains.  They'd initiate their shamans by putting them in a dark cave for two years (if I remember correctly).

I keep feeling this urge to do it but also I'm really scared and concerned to do it.  I've had a pretty emotionally turbulent past 5 or 6 years and haven't had much happiness.  I feel like if I do this wood living business I might screw my life up even more and end up worse off and wreck my life beyond repair and end up killing myself or something.  

Does anyone have any thoughts about this or know of people who've done similar things?

I did meet one guy who lived in the woods near where I live for three years and he seemed still sane.  I wouldn't say he was a high functioning person or successful, but he seemed fine and capable.  

Thanks for any thoughts.

 

[Matt23]

I've also been doing lots of Nathaniel Branden's sentence completions and in the past I got a lot telling me to go to the wood

[winterknight]

I'd say go find a good therapist and talk it over with them, and don't go until you feel clear in your decision. If you have parts of you that are afraid that you will hurt yourself by going, you need to listen to them and don't go until their concerns are addressed.

[Leo Gura]

@Matt23 How old are you? What is your financial situation like?

Are you running away from anything in doing this?

How mentally stable are you? Are you depressed or suffering from any kind of mental disorders?

How good are you at tolerating being alone?

[DrewNows]

Wait man get your shit figured out. Search in person...it comes to you so just TRUST ?

[Matt23]

Yeah, I definitely fear doing so as I think it makes no rational sense at the moment.  I mean, I really feel like I've already missed out and dug myself into a hole in life and feel like that would make it worse.  

@Leo Gura  I'm 26, and my financial situation isn't secure.  I have a decent savings, but I don't have any solid career or much career capital to support myself or offer the world.   

I definitely wouldn't say I'm mentally stable.  I've been coping a lot and have felt at times extremely negative and painful emotions.  Sometimes driving me to suicidal thoughts and feeling like I can't cope with the pain.  Nature has usually helped though, and I've always felt I could calm down there and, yes, "get away" from it.

I know that being in a close community setting has always helped as well though.  Feeling like part of a group or something like that usually calms my neuroses down.

I've never been diagnosed with any mental disorders.  

It's funny, I seem to not be able to tolerate being alone in the city or around others, but in nature I feel better.  Though I haven't gone into nature alone for more then 6 days.  

I also realize that it would take a lot of skill building, training, and strategy to actually make this happen.  

It's funny though, I took the life purpose course and identified Courage as one of my top 3 values, and to me it means spending a couple years in the woods doing spiritual work.  Even though when I think of it I feel like it would be sooooo much work to do that and I'd have to overcome sooooo much.  I don't know. 

It sounds to me, from reading this and typing this out that I've got some issues that are probably severely blocking my view.  

Thanks for the questions and input.  

[ground]

@Matt23  I think this is just an escapist romantic fantasy and it seems that you know that.

[luckieluuke]

@Matt23  Why so dramatic? Just take a month off and go into the woods and see how you like it?
There are alot of communities in the fringe of society, eco villages and so on. Maybe you should find one, visit and see what it´s like.
If you have alot of baggage at home, with family or friends etc you need to sort that stuff out first. But you seem to know what kind of environment makes you happy and what doesn´t so go make a change for the better I say.
But going living in the woods for years? no reason for such a big decision.

[non_nothing]

What's your fear?
What would you think that happen in the woods while meditating?
What are the scenarios your mind come up with?

[Leo Gura]

@Matt23 If your heart is seriously calling you to do it, then follow your bliss. But, start with a baby test dose.

Do a 10 day solo meditation retreat and then evaluate how you feel.

You don't want to jump into giant life decisions without testing the waters. You want to have a realistic idea of what you're getting yourself into. The reality of living alone in the woods for a year are probably way different than your mind's fantasy of such.

[purerogue]

No, don't do it, if you are in depressed state, or feel that you might get in such if you do not do something about it, then take few months off , or just until you are sure that you are alright to return to your daily life, but do not go of to some area where you have none around you, you need some accommodation where you are not bothered while you deal with this, but you also need some human interaction when you want to, or else it can throw you back as soon as you return.

 

[cetus]

@Matt23 You have skills to survive?

 

[Matt23]

@Leo Gura  Yeah, I considered that it's probably a lot more difficult then I think.  I live in Canada and l tried doing a 7 day solo last March/April and found even being out in the wild to be difficult.  Even though I had plenty of supplies and was comfortable and safe.  Simply being in the wilderness (the cold, walking in the forests, etc) was strenuous. 

Also, how much would you rely on sentence completion exercises to guide one's life and direction?

@cetus56 I don't know.  I took an adventure tourism diploma and a 90 hour wilderness first aid course.  I also grew up camping and being pretty active.  I don't think I have lots of skills or experience compared to what is probably required.  But I think with more practice I could develop the required skills.  

I guess I feel somewhat confident doing it in terms of the "hard" skills and actual survival.  What I'm most concerned about is that I'll waste my life and end up in more psychological pain and suffering then what I've already experienced and am dealing with (which is quite significant for me).  That's, for me, the hardest part of this.

[Sven]

Why do you want to retreat in this fashion?

As others have already said above but I'll say again: this might not be about the retreat at all.

What is this about? Like, really? And this kinda stuff a therapist could get into like @winterknight suggested

[kieranperez]

If you’re coming from a place of lack, that a good sign that it’ll end up in distasteful. Remember, the people who do the whole live in a cave thing spend time prepping for that too more often than not and have built up their practice over the years and also are so surrendered to this sole yearning that they are positively motivated towards this. They’re not doing this to escape something. I personally see nothing wrong with doing the whole live in the woods or in a cabin or something if 1. You can handle that mentally and have built that up and 2. You’re motivated to do this in from a positive place. Otherwise you’re going to likely just have a psychotic breakdown and corner yourself. 

[Matt23]

Yeah.  I agree @vpandey probably won't go into it straight away and do mini solos in the woods.  I don't really know where it came from either.  Some urge coming from somewhere.  

I think I have this fear that I'm supposed to do it (from this urge.  Whether it's authentic, positive, or negative, I don't know), like "god" or life is pushing me to do it.  And if I don't I'll be not listening to my highest self and will be ignoring some greater hero's journey.  Something along those lines.  

Also I've been doing Nathaniel Branden's sentence completion exercises and in the past I've often come up with "Go to the woods".  I suppose it could still be an ego trick too.  

It's all very hard for me to tell haha.  

But I'm not going to jump the gun or anything and take the slow n' steady approach.  

Thanks for all your support, advice, and wisdom.