I am enlightened. Sincere seekers: ask me anything

[Sashaj]

@DrewNows  Yes I've done psychedelics and had amazing breakthrough experiences and became one with God, rode wild unicorns through the clouds etc

[Sashaj]

1 minute ago, DrewNows said:

@Sashajthings will start to make sense when you drop the assumptions. Don’t take my word or anyone else’s about how things work without verifying/investigating. All the best 

OK thanks for your help

I know what afflicts me but it is somehow stuck where as in another time I could see through it. Its like a severe ego revenge attack. Brutal. And a strong feeling of the old me. Yuck

[winterknight]

18 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

Ive been meditating on and off for decades. I lived in a forest monestry in Laos for some time and practiced under the Thai forest tradition with lineage back to the buddha

All that is bullshit anyway. It is a vehicle like all of these practices. Unfortunately I have lost faith in this whole thing. I think my enlightenment experience was a delusion. 

I no longer believe in the idea of enlightenment or that I can be free of myself. I have regressed completely and am exhausted

Ok - so suppose enlightenment is all BS. Why is life so painful otherwise?

[Sashaj]

@winterknight  Its painful because of desire. Wanting and craving. And wanting things to be different to what they are now. Why not just drop this wanting? I don't know why I can't

 

And wanting to be free. And wanting to drop it. The entire act is the suffering

Edited February 11, 2019 by Sashaj

[DrewNows]

3 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

OK thanks for your help

I know what afflicts me but it is somehow stuck where as in another time I could see through it. Its like a severe ego revenge attack. Brutal. And a strong feeling of the old me. Yuck

Yes we cannot bypass our identity unfortunately. All I can suggest is to be aware of the old you that returns. Learn as much as you possibly can from it 

within the old you is the key to liberation 

cheers 

[winterknight]

Just now, Sashaj said:

@winterknight  Its painful because of desire. Wanting and craving. And wanting things to be different to what they are now. Why not just drop this wanting? I don't know why I can't

Why not stop trying to drop the wanting and just allow the wanting and craving and pain to go on, just as it likes?

[Sashaj]

5 minutes ago, winterknight said:

Why not stop trying to drop the wanting and just allow the wanting and craving and pain to go on, just as it likes?

I feel like I need to hold it for longer, I am trying to destroy the ego...with the ego? I think

I feel like the truth is hiding in the pain. But im not sure. IM afraid that Im doing it all wrong

Edited February 11, 2019 by Sashaj

[winterknight]

Just now, Sashaj said:

I feel like I need to hold it for longer, I am trying to destroy the ego...with the ego? I think

Yes. Maybe for you, that's the issue.

Why not stop trying to do all that? If the ego wants to run wild let it. If there's pain and craving and desire, let there be all that.

No need to drop any of those things. Just let them stay.

[Sashaj]

5 minutes ago, winterknight said:

Yes. Maybe for you, that's the issue.

Why not stop trying to do all that? If the ego wants to run wild let it. If there's pain and craving and desire, let there be all that.

No need to drop any of those things. Just let them stay.

It could be. I am afraid to let my ego run wild due to conditioning ie ego is bad and all that. And my ego will take me away from practice

My last breakthrough came after extreme existential pain. Maybe I feel like I need the same pain to take me back to the peace that I felt last year?

I used to have a healthy "observor" sub mind character but that guy is gone now. It must be tension, severe craving for peace. So silly isn't it. I know conceptually what afflicts me but another part of me can't let go. My "I" characters are in conflict

Edited February 11, 2019 by Sashaj

[Sashaj]

I am feeling better now. Something must have cleared, for now

Reading all of my bullshit is quite sobering haha

Thank you @winterknight, @DrewNows

Edited February 11, 2019 by Sashaj

[winterknight]

2 minutes ago, Sashaj said:

It could be. I am afraid to let me ego run wild due to conditioning ie ego is bad and all that

Yes, sounds like your "ego is bad" conditioning has now in your case become the ego.

Quote

 

My last breakthrough came after extreme existential pain. Maybe I feel like I need the same pain to take me back to the peace that I felt last year?

 

Could be. It wasn't your pain, it was probably the fact that it forced you to let go.

Just now, Sashaj said:

I am feeling better now. Something must have cleared, for now

Thank you @winterknight, @DrewNows

Good. Since you mention being conflicted, I'd strongly recommend considering psychoanalytic psychotherapy (I've done it myself for many years, and it is useful for all seekers; it's different from just generic therapy). It specializes in helping move forward from inner conflict.

I see you're in Sydney. I'd suggest contacting the Winn Clinic and asking for a referral.

[winterknight]

Bumping this

[Jordan94]

@winterknight Wow i really got something when you said that instead of inquiring on the I feeling one could also "drop thoughts"

I did juste a bit of self inquiry a few months ago, got some glimses of the I feeling in the begining but fast wasn't able to self-inquire well becasue my mind was not focused enough (I think)

Although I feel like I can relatively well "drop thoughts" (for a brief moment at least, depending on how active is my mind) by just puting will on it, it's kind of weird like i'm pressing a switch mentally, and even not really like that, kind of feel more like dropping something mentally

 

Besides that, I feel like overall in all my meditation practices (I do vipassana meditation and kriya yoga mainly now), the point that is always holding me back or hurting my progress/result is that I have trouble staying focus to a decent level, so for example if I would sit for 1 hour and meditate (in any way), less than half of that time would be let's say half-focused on the 'practice' , meaning not just lost in thoughts, and in that 50% of the one hour, also less than half or a quarter of the time would be actually fully focused (not just half focused) on the 'practice'

What do you think about that and how you think I should go about it ?

Edited February 18, 2019 by Jordan94

[Outer]

6 hours ago, Jordan94 said:

by just puting will on it, it's kind of weird like i'm pressing a switch mentally, and even not really like that, kind of feel more like dropping something mentally

Sometimes I've found that button to press to turn off thoughts and that metaphor is really the best way to describe it. It's something you train.

[winterknight]

7 hours ago, Jordan94 said:

@winterknight Wow i really got something when you said that instead of inquiring on the I feeling one could also "drop thoughts"

I did juste a bit of self inquiry a few months ago, got some glimses of the I feeling in the begining but fast wasn't able to self-inquire well becasue my mind was not focused enough (I think)

Although I feel like I can relatively well "drop thoughts" (for a brief moment at least, depending on how active is my mind) by just puting will on it, it's kind of weird like i'm pressing a switch mentally, and even not really like that, kind of feel more like dropping something mentally

 

Besides that, I feel like overall in all my meditation practices (I do vipassana meditation and kriya yoga mainly now), the point that is always holding me back or hurting my progress/result is that I have trouble staying focus to a decent level, so for example if I would sit for 1 hour and meditate (in any way), less than half of that time would be let's say half-focused on the 'practice' , meaning not just lost in thoughts, and in that 50% of the one hour, also less than half or a quarter of the time would be actually fully focused (not just half focused) on the 'practice'

What do you think about that and how you think I should go about it ?

Well, the bulk of not being able to concentrate often comes down to unresolved emotional issues. Looking at the rest of your life, are you being honest about what you want and pursuing it? Psychoanalytic therapy can be very helpful for this.

What is the nature of your distracting feelings? Are there any recurring ones? Pay attention to your emotions.

[winterknight]

10 minutes ago, Ero said:

@winterknight @winterknight

(missclick) 

I'm asking you as a human, not as a seeker, as he is part of Brahma. Feel free to skip whatever you want. 

1.What are some shadows, on which you're working?

2. What is your opinion on the subtle and casual dimensions of existence - the yogi "kosha"s;

3. Have you had mystical experiences in which an infinite shift of perspective happens (e. g from a global systemic view to it suddenly turning towards the very essence of samsara and creation (in the form of the ego))?

4. Do you intellectually serve Spirit? (an intellectual expression of spirituality) 

 

btw thanks a lot. some of your previous responses were part of my journey - the psychoanalysis advice directed me to shaking of the duality of spirituality - samsara (aka I freely evolve) 

For #s 1 and 4: these questions are based one way or another on an egoic perspective. That may be necessary for certain contexts, but in the abstract these kinds of questions don’t really make sense, and I don’t think they’re particularly helpful for seekers. The answers are misleading. 

Take this idea of “as a human.” A human is a concept, and it is not true. A “shadow” is another not true concept. So you’re asking “from a perspective that is incoherent and false, what is the answer to this question whose terms don’t make sense?” 

Again, there are certain times that game could be played, and it might be fun to play it, but I don’t think it’s a service to seekers to do that here. Gives them false expectations.

That’s why I generally shy away from talking about “my” experience and path. 

For 2: the koshas are all false, useful only to be discriminated away as “not the true I.”

For 3: I don’t know what you mean. There is nothing “in the form of ego” actually. 

[winterknight]

1 hour ago, Ero said:

@winterknight @winterknight

Yes, those are mirages. By "asking you as human" I meant exactly playing the game of shadows on the wall. From the view of the egoic self. Language by definition is a concept, but using it doesn't stain or hurt Brahma, of which one is always aware. If I look more deeply, they will vanish as shapes of smoke - I have a constant feeling of their texture/essence. I was asking within samsara. Within the manifastation of "winterknight" . I respect your choice. 

Thx ❤️

 

The difficulty, of course, is that there cannot be said to be any game of shadows on the wall. There are no mirages, no "within samsara," no "view of the egoic self," no manifestation of winterknight, and therefore no "choice" of winterknight to either play that game or not. 

[ryuzaki]

If I accept the idea that I am already enlightened and I'm satisfied with that, am I being ignorant or wise?

[winterknight]

12 minutes ago, ryuzaki said:

If I accept the idea that I am already enlightened and I'm satisfied with that, am I being ignorant or wise?

Wise if you accept this idea as a way of living that will help you burn away your ignorance; ignorant if you believe that this is by itself the end of your efforts.

[Dumb Enlightened]

I've had lots of awakening experiences, I know It can't be called an experience, but anyway it's better to describe this way. Sometimes it will be hours without random thoughts appearing, a complete stillness and emptiness, all the questions vanish, because there's no one to ask questions anyway, but eventually, I fall asleep again (the ego comes back). It has happened lots of times already, and I ask you, why do you think it is not permanent yet ?

* I don't do any practices anymore.

Edited February 19, 2019 by Dumb Enlightened