Forcing vs real curiosity

[youngshinzen]

I just woke from a nap and some negative thought arose. It instantly lead to a sensation right in my heart area and I asked: What is this vulnerability and emotion?

I sensed that me as the perceiver and the emotion were made from the same immaterial thing, just like thoughts, dreams or a hologram. There is not a hard emotion that feels a certain way. Just as if I touch something hard, it‘s not really hard, there is a thought of it being hard to make it hard.

It was a very short moment of being aware of this and the first time for me. Of course I want to increase chances of this happening more often, but I saw that I was really curious about this emotion without wanting to get the insight. I didn‘t even know this insight waited for me.

How do you deal with this counterintuitive topic?