Quitting college to be more authentic?

[MarinM]

Hello everyone!

So, I'm first year and second semester of college of digital art which I thought could learn me how to draw. Instead they are teaching completely irrelevant things for me like web design, graphic design, 3d animation which I don't deny their usefullness, I just feel much more like painter and to make concept/digital art and traditional art where all I need is drawing/painting skills. Now, I don't deny that I might learn those things someday if I felt like learning them, I just say that I have priority with learning how to draw and paint. One year ago, I have found online school which I felt I want to go in, which teaches traditional painting exclusively, which is great base line for my future work and that plan has sticked to me ever since. After first semester over summer I went to USA on work & travel program which is for students only and there I have worked for the first time in my life for 4 months and that was one of the most life changing experiences. I've traveled a lot and met a lot of different people and most importantly I saw that it can be easy to survive on your own. When I came back I had to finish whole second semester and final exams which I wanted to finish at first because I could go on a work & travel again next year. Now when I sit down to do them I feel biggest repultion ever and don't feel any purpose towards them, not even work and travel program because I'd like to travel other countries also and work there or work in my city and be independent with myself. My dad is paying for my college and my living and he expects me to finish the college to get the degree (which I don't need because portfolio is only what matters in getting artistic jobs), but I can't feel authentic when there is authority above me. I felt few times like there will just come collapse and truth will come out beetween me and him because he doesn't know anything about online school or that I want to quit college and live on my own. I also expect that he will stop giving me financial support and maybe even stop being involved in my life but I feel like I am ready for the worst. Also I forgot to mention that my first vision for my independence came last year on my peak of meditation ever, also I haven't meditated ever since (a month or two after the peak) because I want to get my basic needs fullfiled first and I felt like I couldn't ground myself in "real life" - this is excuse of course but I couldn't handle it. And that vision/need is coming back to me again but it's really scary thing to do. What do I do? Do I even have control? Do I follow my vision where I see myself as self reliant and powerful im such a positive way or is that just ego giving me sweet visions and emotions on them to keep me away from college because I'm too lazy to finish it and I just want to dabble around on the next thing? Is it just an escape and trying to change external circumstances? By logic it is just escape, but when I visualize myself quitting college and going on my own I feel peacful, free and independent no matter the costs of "losing my dad" (I also see in my vision where I have good relationship with my father and we are somehow more equal and more like friends just because of the way new me feels like). Thank you for your attention ❤

[SFRL]

You his video goes into your question (as well).

Maybe you get some takeaways from it. 

[MarinM]

@SFRL thanks, it helped me in a way

[Equanimitize]

As long as you know where it is that you are going. You won't find peace and independence with no vision/purpose. 

[archi]

Thanks for sharing.

All roads go to Rome.

 

My dualistic advice: continue with degree, take online courses that you like, go with the flow and enjoy pain for a while, start enlightenment work, speak about your feelings with your father, you have enough time there is no hurry. 

[MarinM]

@Equanimitize @archi I've done it, feels so peaceful, like I may have transcedend my dad, the response was also much more calmer then I expected. Days will tell if I just fooled myself 

Thanks for the responses

[Girzo]

There are many high-quality online courses about art and painting, so college is unnecessary as you say. But the thing is those courses are pricey.

How are you planning to sustain yourself? Are you going to try to sell your art or get a job as a painter?

[MarinM]

@Girzo I earned some money on the work and travel program so I can easily pay for the course and still have money to sustain myself for one year if I want to, but I'm going to find a job to keep the money coming until I become able to bring some value with art where that can be my full time occupation. I also want to work various kinds of 9 to 5 jobs because I realized how much I grew and learned over the 4 months of working experience 

[Girzo]

David Airey's "Work for Money, Design for Love" book is great if you are seriously considering art as an career.

[MarinM]

@Girzo thank you! I'll keep it in mind 

[Mu_]

On 11/9/2018 at 2:41 PM, MarinM said:

@Equanimitize @archi I've done it, feels so peaceful, like I may have transcedend my dad, the response was also much more calmer then I expected. Days will tell if I just fooled myself 

Thanks for the responses

Congrats, I was going to encourage you to go with your personal freedom route and maybe create the possibility of becoming your own man.