Need some help making sense of my "Bad" LSD trip

[Bernard]

Hi everyone,

Hopefully I'm posting this in the right place. I was hoping to share my experience and get some insight on what happened.

I've taken some LSD Monday night and experienced my first bad trip around the 5th hour in. This would be my fourth time taking some and because it was a low dose I figured I'll handle it fine. 

I had some drinks the same night as well and became tierd. I knew I couldn't go to sleep but I figured I'll try anyway. 

As I was laying down with my eyes closed I started to feel that I'm dozing off. Not to long after I've felt a sinking feeling and it freaked me out so I jumped out of bed. At this point I was starting to have a panic attack because I felt like I'm fully aware of being in a semi conscious state. Half asleep half wide awake. I was really tierd and just wanted to sleep. I wanted to excape my waking state because it felt horrible. I'm not suicidal or anything but I felt like I wanted to die. 

At this point I completely stopped caring for the physical reality. Nothing on this interested me nor I had any desire to be here. At the same time I was terrified of "the other side". This went on for a couple of hours where I tried to relax and calm myself down. It has given me so much anxiety and I felt really depressed. I lost all interest in the physical world but was stuck in this inbetween state. Really made me wonder if this is what clinically depressed people feel. 

Even though it's out of my system as I write this, I still have this feeling of dread.

What do y'all think happend? Was I on the verge of ego death? Any insight is greatly appreciated. How do I ground myself and stop feeling spaced out?

I hope I get over it soon. This sucks.

Thanks.

[Leo Gura]

@Bernard Sounds like you disrespected the psychedelic by taking it willy-nilly without a proper, serious spiritual intention and it kicked your ass to teach you a lesson.

From now on, when you trip you will do it with seriousness, good intent, focus, and no more willy-nilly stuff.

Psychedelics are not a toy.

When you take a psychedelic properly, you set aside the whole day, mentally prepare yourself, and you do it almost like a religious ceremony (minus the dogma).

Why are you drinking during a psychedelic trip?

Why are you tripping while tired?

Why are you trying to avoid the trip through sleep?

This shows sloppy protocol and disrespect for the substance.

When you take a psychedelic you must in peak form: alert, awake, focused, sober, solemn, at peace, in a positive mood, well-rested, empty stomach, reverent, slightly apprehensive, and ready to be mindfucked.

[Bernard]

@Leo Gura Despite not having an initial intent prior to taking it. Before I got tierd I did ask myself questions like "what am I" observed my body, and contemplated a bit because I wanted to make use out of it. 

I'm trying to figure out what it tried to show/tell me but I don't fully understand what happend. Why did it scare me so much when it didn't last few times? It ended up confusing the hell out of me.

True, I should've been better prepared and not drank with it. These are the consequences. I think it will be a while before I take any but if I do it will be with intent.

[Leo Gura]

10 minutes ago, Bernard said:

I'm trying to figure out what it tried to show/tell me

It told you to respect the substance.

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Why did it scare me so much when it didn't last few times?

Because every trip builds on the prior. Those first few trips were merely laying the groundwork for the mindfuckery that is to come in the future.

In the future you will experience recontextualizations so radical that you will not be able to tell if were ever born. You ain't seen nothing yet. So watch your step.

See, the arrogant ego just stumbles into this stuff thinking that it's a joke. Then it catches one tiny glimpse of Truth and it runs crying for Mommy. You just can't appreciate yet how radical this work is and how deep the rabbit hole goes. The only way you can know is by getting mindfucked.

[Bernard]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It told you to respect the substance.

I didn't think of it at first till you mentioned it but I do see your point.

This really worries me though. I feel like my consciousness is not even fully grounded anymore. Like its partially here and partially everywhere else. My mental loops of my contemplations is still here. I was wondering "what am I" and now I don't even know anymore. It ended up confusing the hell out of me. 

Was inquiry a bad idea under the substance? Should I have not jolted when I started to sink into myself? I get that I should'nt have taken in without prior preparation but I feel like I'm in a void and I just want to get out of it at this point.   

[Leo Gura]

@Bernard Inquiry is a good idea. Just keep in mind that the end result of solid inquiry is a solid mindfucking.

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I feel like my consciousness is not even fully grounded anymore.

Maybe that's because reality is groundless

Quote

I feel like I'm in a void and I just want to get out of it at this point.

Just what exactly do you think inquiry will reveal? That you are a cosmic kangaroo?

That Void is your Absolute nature

The ego (you) is not going to survive this process. You still haven't grasped how serious this is.

You are like the dog that caught the bus.

[Shadowraix]

46 minutes ago, Bernard said:

Not to long after I've felt a sinking feeling and it freaked me out so I jumped out of bed. At this point I was starting to have a panic attack because I felt like I'm fully aware of being in a semi conscious state. Half asleep half wide awake. I was really tierd and just wanted to sleep. I wanted to excape my waking state because it felt horrible. I'm not suicidal or anything but I felt like I wanted to die. 

Your first mistake was letting yourself freak out. That is resistance. Your only choice is acceptance and surrender.

[Bernard]

@Leo Gura Just seeing your elaborated response now. 

My very first trip was more enlightening and pleasant than any other. It was during a time where I meditated way more often than I do now and I did it with intent to elevate. I had a very profound experience from it. I forgot most of it because it was years ago but I remember feeling pure bliss and experiencing fractals, and what not.

The other two where great also but this one was not only a mind fuck it scared the shit out of me.

This really turns me off from it psychedelics. Who wants to be go through this? If its like my first trip where its all bliss I'm all for it but this was sheer terror. Having your mind blown is cool and all but i want it accompanied by the agape love I felt the first time and not this shit lol

Thanks for the insight Leo. Really appreciate it.

[Bernard]

@Shadowraix I thought of that after a few minutes of freaking out. Then I started to breathe and said "fuck it" and allowed myself to accept and just be. Nothing really changed and I remained in that inbetween state.

I think in that even though I didn't "die" it may have increased my tolerance.

 

[Leo Gura]

35 minutes ago, Bernard said:

Who wants to be go through this? If its like my first trip where its all bliss I'm all for it but this was sheer terror.

Hehehe...

That's why I keep saying you must hone an genuine desire for TRUTH! Not pleasure or joy, but TRUTH at all costs!

There will be terror.

The joy comes afterwards.

If TRUTH was so easily enjoyable, every fool would have found it by now. The trick is precisely that the greatest joy lies behind a veil of your greatest fears: death & insanity. You must have enough wisdom and vision to confront your greatest fears, intuiting that they are merely paper tigers.

It is not possible to realize God without dying.

A bigger dose of psychedelics helps here. A dose so big that you have no choice but to surrender. But not so big that you physically harm yourself.

[kieranperez]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Hehehe...

That's why I keep saying you must hone an genuine desire for TRUTH! Not pleasure or joy, but TRUTH at all costs!

There will be terror.

The joy comes afterwards.

If TRUTH was so easily enjoyable, every fool would have found it by now. The trick is precisely that the greatest joy lies behind a veil of your greatest fears: death & insanity. You must have enough wisdom and vision to confront your greatest fears, intuiting that they are merely paper tigers.

It is not possible to realize God without dying.

A bigger dose of psychedelics helps here. A dose so big that you have no choice but to surrender. But not so big that you physically harm yourself.

Burn in the fire of Jihad

[Bernard]

@Maximus Well I felt pretty positive when I took and ended up tripping by myself like usual. Difference was that this time I just wanted to go with the flow and see what it wants to teach me. (Still working that out myself)

Even though I had depressed periods in my life I can only recall a few times that where this intense. I'm not clinically depressed so I get out of that state eventually but damn, I really do feel for the ones who go through it their whole lives. I really wanted to sleep and when I couldn't I wanted to die. Not physically because I knew it was short lived due to the substance, so it is short lived. Not everyone has that luxury.

Even though I emphasized prior to this experience, this has really elevated it. I understand and feel it on a much deeper level now to where when you said that it slightly triggered it and I think it's partially because the experience is fresh and familar. I want to make use of it and use my experience to communicate with those that deal with it better.

[Leo Gura]

@Bernard In a few months you will forget all about it.

The cure for bad trips is 1) Learn the lesson it was trying to teach you, 2) Let a few months pass, 3) Then try a different substance to clean your palette.

Only then return to the original substance.

By this point your trip will go very differently. You will be much more mature.

[Elysian]

3 hours ago, Shadowraix said:

Your first mistake was letting yourself freak out. That is resistance. Your only choice is acceptance and surrender.

This.

When you take psychedelics, especially LSD, you've signed an agreement that you'll experience whatever it is that it wants to show you for several hours, no exceptions. There's no escaping it, and that can be scary for some. This is one problem you simply can't run from. 

Think about that the next time before you say you're ready to do it again. Because personally I think you got off pretty easy.

Edited November 8, 2018 by Elysian
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