Stress And Yelling

[foninja]

stress I get a feeling of tightness and it makes me wanna just cuss out-loud "F@$9 them or that etc" Is it the ideal thing to do to remove the negative feeling I get by yelling and cussing? Is there a better way to deal with it?. I usually get it from external circumstances not going the way I want it to.  

[Brian Greendahl]

I have found meditation to be very helpful with stress. it doesn't help immediately, but after a few months of practice one can start to realize the benefits.

[Anna]

On ‎05‎.‎04‎.‎2016 at 8:20 AM, Brian Greendahl said:

I have found meditation to be very helpful with stress. it doesn't help immediately, but after a few months of practice one can start to realize the benefits.

I think so too. Meditation really helps, but it's a longterm effect. You will be so calm inside nothing external could change it.

[Isle of View]

On 5.4.2016 at 3:14 AM, foninja said:

I get a feeling of tightness and it makes me wanna just cuss out-loud "F@$9 them or that etc" Is it the ideal thing to do to remove the negative feeling I get by yelling and cussing?  

Foninja, 

there is a very good way to deal with these urges, IF you have a specific urge, phrase or attitude that comes up without your invitation (involuntary).

When you become aware of an out-of-control, involuntary urge, find a place where you are undisturbed.

Repeat the urge over and over again. You will have some insights when you do it long enough. Maybe you will start laughing at yourself. But the important thing here is, you will bring the thing that was out-of-control before unto your volitional control, no more the effect of it.

Repeat over and over long enough. Try in different moods. It's important that you come as near to the original urge as possible while you repeat it voluntarily.

If you run the process with a phrase, like "You're all stupid *whatevers*", repeat it over and over again in different moods. You will feel relief very soon. Maybe now a slightly different phrasing of the urge pops into your mind. Take this new phrase and repeat it over and over again.

Take time. Don't stop until you feel relieved and in control over the urge.

Different past situations can flash in your mind. Great. Keep on repeating, but not as a mantra, really repeat it or utter it in approximatly the same way you do when it comes up without your invitation. 
Earlier times where you used the utterance will come to view, maybe other persons will come to view who uttered it will come to view. Just keep on going. You will have some realizations and finally you will feel relief and you will know that you're done.

Sometimes a part of the urge is your body language and facial expression. Don't just utter the words, come as close as possible to "how it actually is when it is used". So use body language and facial expression when you repeat the phrase. 

Have fun.

Let me know of results when you run it.

~Chris

 

 

[Isle of View]

@foninja

One more thing.
Do it in a place where you are undisturbed and where you won't disturb another.

It's good to use sheets of paper, so you will write down what you run. In a session more then one urge or phrase can come up, so it's good to have it all written down, so you can follow them up as you go.

~Chris

[Kelley White]

On 4/5/2016 at 6:14 PM, foninja said:

stress I get a feeling of tightness and it makes me wanna just cuss out-loud "F@$9 them or that etc" Is it the ideal thing to do to remove the negative feeling I get by yelling and cussing? Is there a better way to deal with it?. I usually get it from external circumstances not going the way I want it to.  

@foninja, thank you for sharing.   What kind of events usually trigger your stress this badly?  Are they major, minor?  Have they been building over time or are they immediate irritants?  What kind of external circumstances not going your way seem to upset you and what is the prevailing emotion?  Is it anger?  Fear? 

I would recommend Dialectic Behavior Therapy there are numerous self help web sites and there is a section on mood regulation where when you get angry they will give you other options in that moment.   This is a link to a not for profit site by a non licensed professional such as myself familiar with the approach... http://dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation_handouts.html

I wish you the best of luck with this and perhaps you can keep us posted on your progress?

 

[Isle of View]

Very good informations on that site, @Kelley White .

Espacially on this page:

http://dbtselfhelp.com/html/er_handout_9.html

Quote

 

OBSERVE YOUR EMOTION

NOTE its presence
Step BACK
Get UNSTUCK from the emotion

...

REMEMBER YOU ARE NOT YOUR EMOTION

 

Done daily the pratice of "observe and describe your emotion" or "observe and describe your mood" can have lasting benefits to the person.

There are some emotional scales out there that can help the person to specify their current emotional position and while the excercise is done the person can unstuck from "lower" emotions and will find herself in a higher emotion.

One such emotional scale was presented by Lester Levenson (Releasing Method). Unfortunatly I can't seem to find it online right now.

But the one here will also do

This one also shows how the "spaciousness" of the person increases as their mood goes up.

So, when you feel contracted, you know what to do :-)

 

Kind regards, 
Chris

[Kelley White]

I like this, it goes with my theory we are wave-fields and not focal points....but I'm just a wee poet.  

10 minutes ago, Isle of View said:

So, when you feel contracted, you know what to do :-)

HA!  I think the thing I realized this morning was I have attempted to a detriment to control my emotions versus feeling them.   (The contraction perhaps?) I watched Leo's Do Nothing mediation video and that juxtaposed with this video by Sherri Rosen ...all of a sudden it just hit me, I've been trying to figure out what to do by intellectualizing everything thinking my emotions were too much and monkey mind had to be controlled.   My overthinking led me to be indecisive and over rationalize, justify, allow versus setting boundaries.  If I had gone with my gut?  I would have very likely been more assertive.   Not trusting my feelings has actually harmed me more than it has hurt me.   Shutting them down versus allowing them and finding more positive outlets...   It was actually very liberating. 

 

[Isle of View]

Kelly

4 minutes ago, Kelley White said:

I like this, it goes with my theory we are wave-fields and not focal points....but I'm just a wee poet. 

When you study some of the Yogic literature, what you say is correct. It's all sound and resonance, and they say it for several tousands of years.

 

6 minutes ago, Kelley White said:

HA!  I think the thing I realized this morning was I have attempted to a detriment to control my emotions versus feeling them. 

Yes, the thing with emotions is, they want to arrive. When you resist it, they will "hang around". 

So when the question is asked: "Describe your emotion" you let it arrive and therefore you can unstuck from it.

9 minutes ago, Kelley White said:

(The contraction perhaps?)

With contraction is meant that the spaciousness of your presence is contracted into ever smaller space. It becomes dense and unpleasant. The lower the emotion the more contraction of space/presence.

Compare how big you feel when in Joy and compare it to, say, Sadness. Space is smaller and feels different, doesn't it?

:-)

Kind regards, 
Chris

[Kelley White]

10 minutes ago, Isle of View said:

When you resist it, they will "hang around". 

@Isle of View Yes!  So then I start all this mediation and I am crying all the time for no reason at all I can discern of.   LOL  It definitely feels different.   That said, I am now finally describing feelings more versus reciting old stories.   I suspect reciting old stories became a coping mechanism after specific life experiences to include therapy at the VA which is like revolving door of therapists.   Now I "get" how I thought I was facing things but actually emotionally avoiding feeling the overwhelming feelings.   I actually got a lot out of that mediation video this morning.   All these feelings or thoughts come and I try to make them go away.  It was really awesome to try this and see a different result.

 

[Isle of View]

2 minutes ago, Kelley White said:

Yes!  So then I start all this mediation and I am crying all the time for no reason at all I can discern of.   LOL  It definitely feels different.   That said, I am now finally describing feelings more versus reciting old stories.   I suspect reciting old stories became a coping mechanism after specific life experiences to include therapy at the VA which is like revolving door of therapists.   Now I "get" how I thought I was facing things but actually emotionally avoiding feeling the overwhelming feelings.   I actually got a lot out of that mediation video this morning.   All these feelings or thoughts come and I try to make them go away.  It was really awesome to try this and see a different result.

Yes, Kelly. Very good.

Reciting old stories is not always therapeutic. 

It's the hang up moods that let the story glue to our present time (and thusly infecting our presence). So check the moods and see how you come out of it.

 

Generally, the above process:

"Describe your (current) mood"

done repetetivley will unstuck one from the lower mood area. It can be done everyday for some minutes until you unstuck.

Sometimes seemingly unresolvable moods will come up. There are processes for it aswell.

 

Kind regards, 
Chris

 

 

[Kelley White]

17 hours ago, Isle of View said:

"Describe your (current) mood"

done repetetivley will unstuck one from the lower mood area. It can be done everyday for some minutes until you unstuck.

Sometimes seemingly unresolvable moods will come up. There are processes for it as well.

Thank you very much for sharing.  It gives me some tools to work with.  Thank you @Isle of View.

[Isle of View]

7 hours ago, Kelley White said:

Thank you very much for sharing.  It gives me some tools to work with.  Thank you @Isle of View.

You're welcome Kelly.

Chris :-)

[pixelwave]

Stress is something I have been struggling for a long time as well. I think it's a mindset that needs to be changed for me mindfulness helped me a lot! And offcourse finding Leo's videos on YouTube ;-)

[Elton]

@foninja try the sedona method to release emotions 

[charlie2dogs]

On 4/5/2016 at 9:14 PM, foninja said:

stress I get a feeling of tightness and it makes me wanna just cuss out-loud "F@$9 them or that etc" Is it the ideal thing to do to remove the negative feeling I get by yelling and cussing? Is there a better way to deal with it?. I usually get it from external circumstances not going the way I want it to.  

stress comes from your reactions to the events that is occurring with and to your identity body. It is important to understand why this is happening.  Is it just a reaction by the identity body or ego, or is it some deeper issue that is rooted in your consciousness, this is what first needs to be seen.  Start observing the sensations that arise in the body when this begins, see how it grows within yourself until you are stressed.  It is sort of like anger, before one gets angry there is a sensation that starts in the chest area, if one is sensitive to this feeling, you can stop anger before it grips you can creates consequences for your identity body. Taking the time to contemplate these events will help you to understand why it is happening.  The main reason it happens is because you are functioning as the human identity, subject to all your programing, beliefs, and the way you have been taught to look at the world around you.

One day my daughter and i went for a long walk, we went down this long hill, when we get to the bottom she begins to tell me about a problem she has going up and down hills, and i thought this is a good time to tell me at the bottom of a hill and that we would have to go back up one of two hills to get home.  I made her understand that her thought process was causing this problem for her, and that when she felt the sensation starting to arise, to move her thought process from the problem to something that she loved, something beautiful and enjoyed in life, and put all her focus on it. When we got to the hill we had to climb she was ready and we started up, we stopped three times to rest, i talked to her all the way, kept her focusing on this thing she had picked that was important to her.  When we got to the top she was very surprised that she had climbed that hill with any problem.   Some things can be handled this way, some things need to be looked at on a deeper level, contemplated and understand it on that deeper level. Most people torture themselves with their own thought process in life and create a miserable life because of their thought process.  When you realize this, you can begin to change the way you think if you are seeing this from a deeper level of your being.

You are the product of your thought process and the evolution of your consciousness.  The identity body with its ego and desires of the flesh cannot solve your issues, they must be resolved on a deeper level within consciousness, and then the changes will be reflected in your physical body.  All sickness and disease is self created, it happens in the consciousness first because of the thought process and actions that is happening in the physical body, then the sickness and disease appears in the physical body.  Begin to heal your issue within your consciousness and the body will change.

So the solution to all of these things is this, experience the life force within yourself, which is the source of all things, on a deeper and deeper level of being, begin to observe life and your physical body from there, and everything will begin to change and you will be moving toward liberation from what has bound you in life. The mind is a garden, how is it tended determines whether it bears fruit, or thorns and briars.