Panic Attack while meditating

[cle103]

Hey guys, this is the third time it happened to me and I wanted to get your thoughts on this: 

Yesterday I was meditating in total darkness late at night (my fav. time and setting). I was doing my usual routine that my coach gave me (self love, meta, chakra work). After I was finished I noticed that my mind was extremely calm. First there were some thoughts but I could clearly observe that those were not "mine" or "me". Then all thinking stopped. There was nothing. And after a minute or so this thought emerged by itself:

"Wait! What is me?"

And that freaked me the fuck out. There was no me. As this was noticed noticed my heart started POUNDING. I never experienced anything like this. I was sweating and panicking. I heard Leo talk about that this happens when you're on a brink of an awakening, however I could not break through. 

It felt literally like I was dying. I was scared shitless. I thought about my family and how they would miss me. It was intense. And when my heart beat increased even further I had the feeling that the inside flipped outside... That there was no body anymore, only me. The heartbeat, the rapid breathing happened within "me". 

As I said, this happened twice before but never that intense. 

How do you actually break through in such a situation? 

Thanks for your feedback. 

- Cheers 

[PsiloPutty]

I'm no expert, but I'd say that instead of being scared shitless and thinking about how people would miss you , you gotta surrender 100% to whatever death you're embarking on. Like what happened to Adyashanti, you have to be like "OK this is it.....and I'm ready to die."  

I think it's awesome that you had this experience, and hopefully it happens again. 

[Forestluv]

Sounds like a nice glimpse into the illusory self. This type of direct experience is quite profound.

[cle103]

@PsiloPutty Yeah, this sounds nice in theory. However when I'm certain I'll die it gets a little tricky  I think you're right about surrendering... it's just not what my ego likes to do as its head is on the chopping board. 

Thanks for your comment! 

 

@Serotoninluv It was profound indeed (and scary). 

[Forestluv]

9 minutes ago, cle103 said:

@Serotoninluv It was profound indeed (and scary). 

Yes. I have experienced it as well. The space can be scary, yet it can also be liberating and beautiful. Part of the anxiety for my self when entering this space is that my self no longer gets to choose the experience - it no longer gets to steer the car. 

My self is scared of the unknown. This space is unfamiliar and it lacks control. What then am I surrendering control to? What if I give control to some dark energy? What if harm results? . . . What I've found is that the space is not unsafe and harmful -  it's ok to surrender into it.

[cle103]

1 hour ago, Serotoninluv said:

Yes. I have experienced it as well. The space can be scary, yet it can also be liberating and beautiful. Part of the anxiety for my self when entering this space is that my self no longer gets to choose the experience - it no longer gets to steer the car. 

Yes, control def. goes out the window haha. Did you manage to surrender the 1st try or how long did it take you? I tried to surrender but my ego was just hanging on for its dear life.

[Hellspeed]

Ground that panic into Muladhara, go with the flow, it will settle. This happens when one advances quickly, so it is +1 for you in reality. 

[cle103]

18 minutes ago, Hellspeed said:

Ground that panic into Muladhara, go with the flow, it will settle. This happens when one advances quickly, so it is +1 for you in reality. 

@Hellspeed Thank you. What do you mean exactly by "ground it into Muladhara"? Focus on the first chakra? 

Edited November 7, 2018 by cle103

[Guest SirVladimir]

It happened to me in a dream once. All sounds suddenly went quiet and there was this moment in darkness when an echo reached from afar, saying: Who is this?

Pom. I flipped like a switch. There was NO PLACE FOR ME TO BE, yet I felt it. It's so terrifying to think about it's actually beautiful.

[karkaore]

4 hours ago, cle103 said:

Hey guys, this is the third time it happened to me and I wanted to get your thoughts on this: 

Yesterday I was meditating in total darkness late at night (my fav. time and setting). I was doing my usual routine that my coach gave me (self love, meta, chakra work). After I was finished I noticed that my mind was extremely calm. First there were some thoughts but I could clearly observe that those were not "mine" or "me". Then all thinking stopped. There was nothing. And after a minute or so this thought emerged by itself:

"Wait! What is me?"

And that freaked me the fuck out. There was no me. As this was noticed noticed my heart started POUNDING. I never experienced anything like this. I was sweating and panicking. I heard Leo talk about that this happens when you're on a brink of an awakening, however I could not break through. 

It felt literally like I was dying. I was scared shitless. I thought about my family and how they would miss me. It was intense. And when my heart beat increased even further I had the feeling that the inside flipped outside... That there was no body anymore, only me. The heartbeat, the rapid breathing happened within "me". 

As I said, this happened twice before but never that intense. 

How do you actually break through in such a situation? 

Thanks for your feedback. 

- Cheers 

That sounds hella amazing!

I have had a similar experience only not so intense. It felt like my whole body started fading to one side faster and faster as if i was losing my physical form. I didn't have any thoughts arising though. Was just going with it. Unfortunately I didn't get to see what would've happened next, was just a 20min sitting before work. I did feel shocked and a bit scared when I opened my eyes.

Keep at it and don't think too much about it! It will happen again.

[cle103]

@SirVladimir Yes , that sounds familiar. It's an experience for sure. 

@karkaore Thanks! 

 

 

[Elysian]

15 minutes ago, cle103 said:

@SirVladimir Yes , that sounds familiar. It's an experience for sure. 

@karkaore Thanks! 

 

 

Also had similar experience  but with no thoughts. I felt like I was falling into an abyss where I would lose complete touch with my body and self. I didn't mean to but I had a knee jerk gut reaction of fear and that snapped me out of it. I didn't go into a straight panic, but I did get pretty freaked. 

[Hellspeed]

15 hours ago, cle103 said:

@Hellspeed Thank you. What do you mean exactly by "ground it into Muladhara"? Focus on the first chakra? 

Channeling the Breath there, by visualization until comes to you second nature after breath. 

[Rilles]

Ive had really tiny ones like that, usually I just go straight back into the illusion, takes like a millisecond.  My heart skips a beat and Im like damnit so close. 

[non_nothing]

Short tip by Mooji

 

 

and 1 hour rant:

 

[Nahm]

@cle103 Nice!

“How do you actually break through in such a situation?      This was a breakthrough, then thinking returned:

“Then all thinking stopped. There was nothing. And after a minute or so this thought emerged by itself: Wait! What is me?"

Let that thought go too. It doesn’t need to be resolved.  The thoughts love and self are magic beans. Trade em for truth, risk getting nothing in return. Give yourself to God in such a moment. Beans for actuality, for truth, great trade. Trade everyone, everything, life and self,  for the truth. Those spaces w/o thoughts become default, eventually, no thoughts as such anymore. 

[Leo Gura]

@cle103 In other words:

https://www.actualized.org/insights/enlightenment-retreat-fail

[Oktillo]

I had a similar experience yesterday, but the only difference was that I been suffering or getting scared at the point where I have to understand that I have to surrender, and this time I was able to let go of my ego completely, and it was really painful and scary that I started crying (like tears when you suffer) during my meditation and I felt how my mind was desolving till there was nothing but just that... when I came back I noticed how ridiculous we humans are, and I was rejecting my body myself like I didn’t want to come back to this reality... there’s a lot learn. 

[VioletFlame]

I can resonate. When I first began practicing yoga it was quite the challenge of course because I had so much built up trauma stored in my body that it caused me to have deep emotional/physical reactions in which I had to overcome. Trembling, rapid breathing, slideshows of random uninvited memories.
Such things like EMDR and inner child meditations, conquering the Shadow of my childhood also created similar experiences like this, but which ultimately felt like I was unraveling into cathartic bliss.

Edited November 8, 2018 by VioletFlame

[cle103]

@non_nothing Thanks! Adyashanti is great. 

6 hours ago, Nahm said:

Let that thought go too. It doesn’t need to be resolved.  The thoughts love and self are magic beans. Trade em for truth, risk getting nothing in return. Give yourself to God in such a moment. Beans for actuality, for truth, great trade. Trade everyone, everything, life and self,  for the truth. Those spaces w/o thoughts become default, eventually, no thoughts as such anymore. 

@Nahm Hmm, interesting. It always sounds so easy, if I think about it now I'd say "Just surrender" but when my identity actually is on the line it's so much harder.  I'll try next time. Thank you. 
 

@Leo Gura Yup, shit happens. I'll interpret this as "keep going" or is there anything else you'd point me to? 

 

@Oktillo Yeah, so much to learn. You describe the same feeling I get on shrooms. We're just petty monkeys with some fancy technology