Horrendous pain and suffering

[Lynnel]

In the summer of 2015 I've been dating a amazing girl I'll skip the whole story but it was out of this world. Then she broke up with me for unrelated reasons (grandmother dying) and I've been obsessed and in pain about her ever since. 

More recently after I broke some of my emotionnal walls and shame arround being hurt, I know feel suffering and pain so horrendous and bad I can't even properly function.It's just constant soul wrenching pain and all I want is to go back to her. 

I spend like 2 years on and off trying to get her out of my mind but now it's gotten even worse. I'm also sick of watching the whole videos about how pain help,pain is good, etc and tons of techniques that dont work. I just want the pain to stop.

What do you do when you suffer so much you haven't even enough energy to do something to stop suffering ? 

[Rebec]

2 hours ago, Lynnel said:

What do you do when you suffer so much you haven't even enough energy to do something to stop suffering ? 

Surrender! 

Just give up, allow every feeling to be there, don't judge, don't think about the pain. Just feel it, surrender to it. 

Book tip; Letting Go by D. Hawkins

[Shadowraix]

11 minutes ago, Rebec said:

Surrender! 

Just give up, allow every feeling to be there, don't judge, don't think about the pain. Just feel it, surrender to it. 

Book tip; Letting Go by D. Hawkins

Exactly this. Your attachment to said person and inability to accept letting go is typically the root cause of this kind of stuff.

[bejapuskas]

Pain by itself is obviously not good. Its a tool, the greatest people have suffered the most. If you handle your pain well, you are gonna become so mature and enthusiastic. Just contemplate it, why would you ever want to feel pain? Why would you ever crave for going to the past, when its impossible? Be a man... I used to be just like you, until my friends told me that its too much. I experienced the exact same thing. I hope these tips will help you become a better version of yourself!  

[Elysian]

If you're obsessing this much over her, you not only have unprocessed emotions related to her, you also probably have deeper emotional wounds that need to be addressed.

First you've got to be ok with feeling all of your feelings. The only way out is through.

I just used the technique in The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson to completely clear my emotional body. I literally had to release hundreds of trapped emotions. Some were very difficult to allow, but I've never felt better in my adult life. I feel so much lighter. The best part is I got so proficient at it, there was a lot of emotions I could clear in about 20 seconds or so. 

It's worth checking out so you stop reliving the same emotional trauma over and over again.

[Lynnel]

11 hours ago, Rebec said:

Surrender! 

Just give up, allow every feeling to be there, don't judge, don't think about the pain. Just feel it, surrender to it. 

Book tip; Letting Go by D. Hawkins

I don't want to

Well actually I had full on break down and I cried a bit so I guess I surrendered to some extent. But leaving all the memories and amazing moments behind is extremely painful to a degree I can't even imagine. Like I would've loved to spend my whole life with her and marry her, my heart is dying over and over and over and over.

I'll do way more psychedelics because my healing process atm is just pure garbage and I'm not up to date at all.

@Elysian thanks for the recommendation, I'll look into it, I always wanted something to "process" feeling aside from just suffering from them.

[Elysian]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

I don't want to

Well actually I had full on break down and I cried a bit so I guess I surrendered to some extent. 

Breakdown doesn't necessarily mean surrender. You could've just got overwhelmed, which is an emotion entirely of itself.

[bejapuskas]

You need to go to the middle one, instead of the left one...  

[Rebec]

18 hours ago, Lynnel said:

I don't want to

Look like you have energy enough!

18 hours ago, Lynnel said:

But leaving all the memories and amazing moments behind is extremely painful to a degree I can't even imagine.

Surrender doesn't mean to give up your memories, it only releases the pain. 

18 hours ago, Lynnel said:

Like I would've loved to spend my whole life with her and marry her, my heart is dying over and over and over and over.

Looks like your stuck in a mental story. I actually think your stuck and expercience a great payoff by keeping your thoughts. 

What satasfaction, gratifaction and pleasure gives this position your currently stuck in?

18 hours ago, Lynnel said:

my healing process atm is just pure garbage and I'm not up to date at all.

You can only heal yourself if you payoff isn't worth it anymore. All the psychedelics in the world won't heal you if your subconcious holds on to your pain.

Be here Now, not in your mind, not in your past and not in some 'fantasy' future. 

[Lynnel]

On 07/11/2018 at 7:41 PM, Rebec said:

Look like you have energy enough!

Surrender doesn't mean to give up your memories, it only releases the pain.

Oh I wish I could just erase it entirely because the positive is not worth the negative.

On 07/11/2018 at 7:41 PM, Rebec said:

Looks like your stuck in a mental story. I actually think your stuck and expercience a great payoff by keeping your thoughts. 

What satisfaction, gratification and pleasure gives this position your currently stuck in?

You can only heal yourself if you payoff isn't worth it anymore. All the psychedelics in the world won't heal you if your subconcious holds on to your pain.

Great question. I had to think hard about it.

Basically something along the lines of being a victim of circumstances, it didn't work out only because her grandmother died at the same time and otherwise everything was perfect so it's the bad universe who doesn't give me love and what I want. Thus it's pointless to do anything and even try again because I'll be heartbroken again and everything will go to shit again and I will be hurt again, etc. Maybe I'm keeping this pain to avoid greater pain in the future.

Also I can justify not taking any action and holding on to bad relationships. So in general asking how does holding on to the past help me right now is a great question right ? Fuck you've asked me a great question actually.

@bejapuskas  Yeah there is so much pain in the present moment I'd wish that to strictly no one.

[SageModeAustin]

I just cried all day, it's only getting worse. I fucked up. 

[NoSelfSelf]

 

[i am I AM]

@SageModeAustinI personally never moved on by an ignoring or actively refusing to totally process to any extent a part of myself that felt painful and like was suffering. What I'm saying is, how did you fk up exactly?

[SageModeAustin]

@i am I AM I cheated on this girl I met online twice. It's a long story, but we were supposed to meet up and something happened to her the day before, she had to get surgery so I got suspicious and started thinking she was a catfish. She also didn't have a phone, cam or mic, but after all of this I believe she was real. It was due to her job as a flight attendant and other stuff, but I don't care we had good conversations and I loved her and she loved me. It sounds pathetic I know, but still..having someone to talk to almost everyday for a year or so and now it's completely done just sucks.. and the fact that OCD played a big role in how this whole thing got fucked up makes me angry at myself.

[i am I AM]

You never met at all? If she stopped contacting you, it could be for so many reasons. I feel you are overcomplicating her by making her into a believable/desirable story.

People are constantly overcomplicating things I have noticed, but if they could stop (not start) focusing on these complicated, often negative events, real or exagerrated, I believe it would help the situation tremendously. Sure, those things will continue to happen, but why contribute and make it worse? I ask this man-to-man, not man-to-universe.