disturbing dream

[Identity]

I am usually don’t have many crazy or outlandish dreams, or at least I am not aware of them. Tonight however, I had a dream that was quite… disturbing. I feel like I should share it, and perhaps someone can decipher some meaning from it. I will try to keep it relatively short.

So as far as I can remember, the dream starts with me watching an actualized.org video. In this video, Leo describes this weird place where you can go to, if you “just want to get it over with”, or something like that…

Anyways, for some reason I know that it is close to my house, so I get into my car. After some more shenanigans, I arrive at this colosseum sort of building. Inside of it some -now seemingly- weird things go on. After some searching I find this room with waitresses that have Medusa heads, 8 moving snakes on the side of their heads, shaped like a sun with sun rays, and I know I am close.

I then arrive at the middle of the Colosseum and see that it is the place Leo described. In the middle of a huge open space, there are 6 or 8 black “devils” that look like pitch black men standing in a circle and looking inwards. The idea was that is you were able to run through it you would reach nirvana or something, but if you got caught you would die… something like that, I can’t remember exactly what the deal was haha.

So, without much consideration or strategy I try to run through the circle of devils, but get caught by the last one. He grabs me by the neck and starts suffocating me. The process of suffocation is weird, since it’s like I am dying and at the same time getting blasted with awareness or transcendence.

Than, during the suffocation I “wake up” and in this next layer of the dream, my mother is suffocating me in my sleep, just like the demon was. It’s all quite intense and I remember feeling completely powerless. I did have the option to hit my mother, but for some reason I did not, as it was the wrong thing to do… or whatever. Also, I remember an alarm clock at the side of my bed on which the time started to race, until it exploded, right as I “woke up” and was being suffocated by my mother.

I somehow freed myself from my mother, and I remember me being very angry at her and confused, but her reacting like it was somehow normal, and I was the one that was overreacting. I decided to leave the house and go to some remote location where Leo has some kind of safe-house or something. I arrive there, and it is a villa with a bunch of people sitting outside and laughing and having a good time. I remember walking around there, but being unnoticed and not fitting in.

At some point I am talking with someone alone in a room inside the villa, I think it was about the dream with the devil, or maybe about what happened with my mother. Than slowly but surely the dream with the devil starts to appear in this next layer of dream. I remember feeling like it was chasing me. The person I was talking to started to transform into the devil in flashes, and again tried to suffocate me. After some more chasing and running, I think I somehow accepted my faith and lied down near a campfire outside. I knew I could run no longer and accepted my death.

At his point I “woke up” once again to whatever this thing is I am typing in now haha. I woke up terrified and nauseous but also feeling extremely aware. It was like I could see thefluid fabric of reality, kind of like being on a psychedelic. Also, with this sense that somehow this reality I woke up to was no different from the dreams I woke up from. My throat is feeling strange, like my adam’s apple is growing or something and there is this feeling of pressure on my throat (the same place as I was being suffocated), something I have been feeling more of lately, but it is now more pronounced.  

For some context, I have experienced quite some spiritual growth lately. My third eye has been opening up, and I think my crown chakra to a lesser degree as well. I've been doing some deep psychedelic trips lately with quite some progress, like breaking down the physicality of reality and identifying myself as a concept. Also, I have been experiencing all types of synchronicity type of things, although I try to not attach too much meaning to them. Overall, my meditation has been going deeper and my normal state of awareness has shifted quite a bit.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. If you have any thoughts on this I would love to hear them.

[seeking_brilliance]

well, I won't try to interpret the dream because only you can truly do that. But I will say that you had a great example of the different fabrics of reality, as you call it. I like that you came to the conclusion that whatever "this" is, is very similar to the dream reality.  Sometimes I ponder what truly is different, and the only thing I can come up with is its a lot more predictable than a dream. Things seem to stay more constant, but of course, nothing is truly constant even in this reality.