Improve self esteem [how to actually start?]

[Mircan]

FIrst I wanted to thank everyone and this forum in general helping me out, around one year I posted two topics and I improved myself on those topics drastically to which point I don't see them as issues anymore and more of something I am gladly conscious of. So thank y'all 

Secondly I wanted to adress the issue of low self esteem and for that I watched Leo's video on low self esteem and he talks about how to adress the issue in itself. This part sounds quite difficult therefore I wanted to ask you guys about your personal experiences with the topic and how you started going into yourself, being honest and addressing the issues?

Thanks for your time,

wish you a lovely monday 

[NoSelfSelf]

Dont let people walk all over you be more assertive less passive

[dude]

Everyday list 3 things that you are doing that are positively effecting your life.  This will build a more positive self-image of yourself this in turn will make you more assured of yourself and gives you a basis to act more assertive. If you think you're a piece of shit you will be unable to sustainably act like your not one.

I recommend reading: The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem and Psycho-Cybernetics.

[aurum]

@Mircan

Combine massive action towards your life purpose along with spiritual work. That's the real answer.

[Forestluv]

@Mircan I would be aware of self improvement methods and self dissolution methods. It sounds like you are more attracted to self improvement. The forum is a mixture of both.

[Superfluo]

Hi! I gained self esteem and confidence thanks to what happened in my life and how I overcame my obstacles. And this is personal, this is my perspective.

However, I learned that confidence and self esteem are not actually "skills" (like being able to speak fluently a language), but they are a reflection of how you see yourself. You can "obtain" them by changing how you see yourself and taking control of your life and your needs. Also realizing that your life is only yours, and that only you have the possibility to be happy and make your life a masterpiece could help. But you don't just need to think "Okay, my life is mine. I get it", you have to realize it, that means to understand to a deep deep level the consequences of it. That realization will shake how you see your life, your problems, your attitude, basically yourself.

If you want pragmatic and practical advice, you can find powerful techniques on the internet or reading books related to self esteem. You can also search for them on the forum, on Actualized videos or on YouTube. But I think everything that promotes positivity in your life is fine.

Some techniques/advice are:

• Making a list of things you have accomplished in your life.
• Making a list of your talents and gifts, and your strenghts and abilities.
• Making affirmations that inspire positivity. These affirmations are to be made in present tense, in a simple and brief way, and in first person. Affirmations however can be harmful or useless if you don't believe them. When you decide to affirm something, use affirmations that drive you emotionally, and don't use the ones that make you feel the lack of what you are affirmating. For example, if you want to say "I believe all people are good" or "I love living my life" or "I feel happy no matter what" but they make you feel they are false, this could mean that they are too different from your perspective of reality, and therefore they could make you upset because you want to believe them but you can't. So use affirmations that have a positive emotion behind, so that the emotion will boost your sense of confidence.
• Changing the way you use words. Positive words can change how you see a problem and therefore solve it, thus you gain confidence.
• Asking yourself useful questions: "What can I learn from this?", "What can I change?", "What can I do to improve this situation?", "How this situation can make me happy?".
• Finding your core beliefs and follow them.
• Developing more empowering beliefs.
• Visualizing the life that you want, the personality that you want, the job that you want, and remember that you have two possibilities: you can try to pursue what you want, and you can quit. If you quit you never know how things can go. Maybe trying can make things go bad. But if they go spectacular? And moreover, no one will take you step by step to the life you want. You are the only one that can improve your life. Nobody will do the work you have to do. In fact people will actually use you to make their life better. Be aware of that.
• Starting healing, shadow work and other forms of healing. Maybe the fact that you feel you need more confidence has a root cause in a event or situation in the past, when you were a child. Furthermore, healing your wounds can make you feel in control of your life and more complete. There are some techniques explained in some books: "The Work" by Katie Byron, "The Completion Process" by Teal Swan, and others.
• Starting to change your habits if you want a better life. They can improve your quality of life both in the short term and in the long term, and they make you feel in control of your life. But you have to want it. I personally meditate 5 minutes per day, exercise every morning, drink a glass of water after I wake up to rehydrate my body and read 15 pages of a Self-Help book a day. WITHOUT EXCUSES. If you start to think "Well, if I skip a day/time/week, what 's wrong with that?", this leads to losing that habit. You have to kill excuses or excuses will kill you. And start with changing only two or three habits, otherwise you will be overwhelmed and decide to not do them again.
• Changing your diet. Vegetables and fruits are a good start.
• Doing what you love to do, when you want to do it (but do it intelligently, don't screw up your job because "you have to play the guitar" :D).
• Scheduling your chores/appointments/duties/daily activities/tasks.
• Improving your relationship skills: find how to relate better with your family, your friends, your partner. Everybody has his/her own way to do it.
• Keeping learning. This makes you feel more in control and you can learn new ways to improve.
• Meditating and doing self-inquiry work: they make you question some stuff and build new and more solid ideas. However they can also lead to confusion. So better focus on them when you feel ready. Also they require time to have significant impact on your life.
• Being aware that you could slide back (ego backslash), but don't worry, that's part of the process.
• Spreading love in the world, helping others, doing volunteering, ecc.
• Following your emotions, don't suppress them and don't ignore them, they are there for a reason. If you have struggles with emotions, find out how to solve them (healing, shadow work and meditation can help).
• Finding your life purpose (I haven't succeded in doing it yet). A question you could ask is "If I had all the money I wanted, what would I still do?" or "What would I do even if I never got paid to do it?".

There are many other practical advice, but I don't remember all of them, and I don't have all the answers.

Edited November 7, 2018 by Superfluo

[Forestluv]

@Superfluo Nice work! You are All In! ♥️??

[Superfluo]

@Serotoninluv Thanks! You could say "I'm All" (warning, enlightenment-related horrible pun).

[Salvijus]

I have no idea how it works and why it works but I know from experience that jogging helps suprisengly well.

[Hellspeed]

Attention on your own breath. 

[moon777light]

@Superfluo this is the best summary ever! thank you for this  

[kieranperez]

On 10/28/2018 at 0:07 PM, kieranperez said:

Real self-esteem is built out in the world, not by you living in a fantasy bubble visualizing and brainwashing yourself more and lying to yourself. 

I know this through experience. There is no shortcut to this stuff. Self esteem exercises through things like journaling and stuff are support systems that enhance personal growth as like a little boost to supplement the work you do out in the world. 

Stop looking for shortcuts. They are a waste of time. Trust me on this.

I also agree with @Joseph Maynor however, depending where you are, you’ll need to do some real healthy ego work. Truth is the answer to all your depressing problems in life at the end of the day but that doesn’t just necessarily mean sitting on a cushion all day doing enlightenment work. That also entails being honest ALL THE TIME and never letting up. It entails taking action and doing the emotionally difficult thing and persisting through  that. It may mean taking psychedelics and having a horrifying trip and see all the trauama and suffering you’ve been projecting and then integrating all of that through say shadow work and dream work. It entails being more compassionate and loving and stop being a selfish bastard by taking your problems so seriously and personally.

 

 

[KelliCooper]

I think one of the most helpful things is to reframe your past experiences that probably contributed to you feeling this way. What usually happens is our mind observes some sort of situation and then draws conclusions and tells stories about the situation. These conclusions and stories usually feel pretty crappy, and decimate our self-image. But when we realize everything that happens in our life is just NEUTRAL vibrational feedback, we see how all these stories just aren't true. Energetically we were aligning with experiences and people that led certain things to happen. 

So, for example, your belief you aren't good enough in some way leads you to attract partners who treat you poorly. The belief came first, and it was just being mirrored back to you with crappy people. You didn't attract these people because you aren't good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, you are broken or unlovable in some way.

Your problem is whatever story you are telling about yourself and your circumstances, probably largely based on things that have already happened. Once you change the story, the feelings change and you're on your way! 

 

 

[Equanimitize]

On 11/5/2018 at 1:25 PM, dude said:

I recommend reading: The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem

I'd recommend reading this book as it will give you a great platform to understand self esteem, theres a lot of actionable steps and exercises in this book as well.