I dont understand attraction, what am I missing

[MM1988]

The following case is just typical for me.
1. I text with some girl and I think it's going great but when I start flirting (just being honest, if it fits. Give them a compliment or tell them I like them) or want them to meet me alone they seem to lose interrest in me immediately.
2. I may text them a couple more times but its not going anywhere
3. I decide its over and stop texting them.
4. They start texting me again, the more I ignore them the more interrested they seem to get.
5. I think "ookay then give it another shot" and start asking them out again.
6. They lose attraction instantly once again. Nothing ever happens.

I swear to god its driving me NUTS. Its come to the point where Im paranoid about every text message I send, 
everything even slightly showing interrest seems to destroy attraction. One text to often and you are gone. I cant keep my cool about it.
And how dare you if you want to go on a date "that means he likes me, eeew I dont want him anymore".
I'm afraid of showing interrested, texting to often, I'm getting totally neurotic about it.

I know I shouldnt overthink it but whenever I'm like "hey dont think so much" and then I'm in a I-dont-give-a-fuck mood I write someone again I know instantly I ruined it and beat myself up over it later.

How the fuck do other guys naturally do this and do the right thing without effort and have success with it?
Dating is a fucking MINEFIELD. One error and you are gone. For 10 fucking years im trying to figure out what my problem is and I'm not one bit further.

[Shin]

They sense inconsciously your neediness when you ask for a date.

When you stop texting her they inconsciously wonder if maybe you're not that needy after all.

The cycle will continue like this until they sense you aren't needy when you talk to them face to face.

Edited November 3, 2018 by Shin

[non_nothing]

reddit.com/r/theredpill

[MM1988]

@Shin but how can you show any interrest or get into contact at all if literally everything is needy? Its driving me nuts.

[Shin]

6 minutes ago, MM1988 said:

@Shin but how can you show any interrest or get into contact at all if literally everything is needy? Its driving me nuts.

Being needy means you feel you need the relationship or sex to be happy, it has nothing to do with what you do, but how you feel.

[NoSelfSelf]

Girls are attracted to guys whos feelings are unclear...

[MM1988]

@NoSelfSelfbut once you even show the slightest bit of interrest in their head it goes "ok, I can have him whenever I want. Not interrested". How do people even get toghether? I dont get it. It cant be that hard because everyone does it but for me it feels like an endless maze.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@MM1988 Best way to see what you are doing to turn them off is to see what text conv looks like...

[Elysian]

For a guy they find extremely attractive they will overlook all of this cat and mouse stuff. I've noticed in girls that are Green'ish are often also this way, it's just that the lens of values they see through is different from Orange/Blue. Orange/Blue/Green are still all much more likely to be the ones chasing if they find the guy physically attractive. Then the traits that make them even more attracted to the other varies between stages. Blue and orange are often mixed or just orange, and both value success, material things, alpha type behavior (unless they are older trying to settle down, although this varies).

Green tends to be mixed with orange at least to some degree, and still value orange success/material qualities just not as intensely (Some don't value it at all that are more green). But they mostly all still value high status, which in the green community just translates into people who are highly valued within the group. Think musicians, performance artists, community organizers, people generally liked by everyone, artists in general really. 

I'm not really sure how many Yellow+ women I've met, so I'm not sure what is going on there. Across the spectrum though, you're probably just better off focusing on yourself or providing value to others. Even if your underlying reason was just sex/intimacy, women just seeing you rise into these positions and not putting them on a pedestal/easily giving them attention/affection will make them come to you not the other way around. You could even wait until they outright make an advance on you.

I try to be as loving/giving of attention as I can to both people I'm not sexually attracted to and those I am regardless of the way hormones/evolution make women sway at these stages. To try to bend to fit those bills is just bending to your wiring for some sex. At green especially, intimacy can be had without sex very easily. But if you are just looking for sex then the path is pretty clear.

Good luck.

(This isn't the behavior of every woman at these stages, but many).

Edited November 3, 2018 by Elysian
Grammar

[Solace]

In texting it’s challenging to get your true personality to shine through, and this intentions get misinterpreted.

Meet girls in person. Go up to them and start talking. It’s fun. 

If you can stay as spiritual awareness, and centered in your heart, this process becomes effortless. You become detached from your preconceived ideas, and be relaxed, and who you truly are in front of any person; whether it’s a girl or an old man. 

Thats authenticity means you can connect with everyone on a very deep level. 

@Artaemis Got it! Jump scare, and run away! I’ll get all the girls  

Edited November 3, 2018 by Solace

[Elysian]

Also note that Greenish women value those traits in a Greenish man. 

[Girzo]

Listen, you talking about texting. I will tell you what happens when you text.

Your decent at making conversation interesting, so girls talk to you when they are bored, because they know it will be somewhat engaging. They don't do it, because they secretly like you or want to test if you are good candidate for a boyfriend. No, they only want to kill time.

You want to hear how a text that works look like? Here it is:

"Hey Katherine, what's up? I hope everything goes well. Wanna grab a beer and have some fun on Saturday?"

That's it. Talk logistics and save all the interesting topics for when you actually meet. Wasting time on texting is pointless in my opinion. Dates are way cooler, even if you don't end up in a bed, for whatever the reason.

I am assuming that you are talking about girls you have met in real life, not some Tinder matches, because there apply other rules, obviously.

[aurum]

@MM1988

Lol yes dating can seem like a minefield. You don’t want to be try-hard, but you also can’t try to not be try-hard, because that’s try-hard. And you can’t do nothing, because if you do nothing, nothing happens. So WTF?

If you really want to make this more natural, it starts with inner game. Yes there are things you can do externally to make things easier, but I would focus inward for awhile first.

[universe]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

If you really want to make this more natural, it starts with inner game. Yes there are things you can do externally to make things easier, but I would focus inward for awhile first.

Absolutely.

Dating seems to you like its a minefield BECAUSE you cant keep your cool.

Its absolutely crucial that you can be happy without women.

Here is how other guys play and you can as well. Imagine you have 1000$ in your bank account. Now you go and get a lottery ticket. You check your numbers and realize you just won a million $. How do you feel? Great right? Ok, so now imagine you are going to check your bank account and your 1000$ you had on it are gone (maybe stolen or whatever). How do you feel? You dont care. Yes, your 1000$ are gone. But you just won the lottery so you still feel great! You know you will get a million $!

Now every time a girl rejects you, imagine its the same as loosing 1000$. Its the same for everyone, investing in a girl, spending time with her, connecting with her and then she doesnt want to see you anymore. Or, just you go up to a girl and she rejects you outright, in front of everyone. This shit hurts. But if you are already a millionair in the "feeling good and having your life together"-sphere, then it wont affect you as much as someone who doesnt. If you are a multi-millionair, it might not affect you at all!

 

[Artaemis]

@Solace I like your answer. I don't think you should frighten anyone. I was analyzing I think. 

Edited November 4, 2018 by Artaemis

[Solace]

@Artaemis ? I love everything you write.

I let my higher self lead the way with any relationship. That leads to the most joy and happiness right now. It’s quite nuanced, and so beautiful to witness and be a cocreater of.

 

 

[d0ornokey]

 

On 11/3/2018 at 7:14 PM, aurum said:

Lol yes dating can seem like a minefield. You don’t want to be try-hard, but you also can’t try to not be try-hard, because that’s try-hard. And you can’t do nothing, because if you do nothing, nothing happens. So WTF?

 

this is my fucking dilemma!! 

i guess the phrase that when you don't need the girl, the girl will come into your life is true then aye

[Solace]

I had a fascinating experience today.

I am currently on a family reunion in Australia, and this has provided me with the challenge to stay grounded in who I am as Joy and Love, against my fear of not meeting their expectations.

I was in a restaurant and noticed I was in my head. And when I talked to my little cousin I couldn’t connect to her. Then I dropped down into the Heart, focusing everything upon the breathing chest. I looked into her eyes again, and I saw so deep into them. It was a connection, and I could see that she felt it too.

Why people do not do this more often is because it is counterintuitive. We think that we must give all of our attention to the people we talk to, but in that experience, we lose ourselves, and God. When we focus entirely within, it means we can connect with all of life on that core level known as Love.

We can only connect with people as much as we have connected with ourselves. This is the opposite beleif to society. You all have the courage and creative power to face all of your fears, and the worthiness to know that you are one with God and always have been so that in every moment you feel undeniably connected to each form that rises and falls.

 

Edited November 5, 2018 by Solace

[SFRL]

On 11/3/2018 at 4:37 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

@MM1988 Best way to see what you are doing to turn them off is to see what text conv looks like...

Indeed

You can start an online dating profile on Match.com and me / we / the forum can help you build it.

We need pictures, your hobby’s, your job etc. and I / the forum can tweak it for you. 

We can even help you wath to say and which girls to talk to. 

Or stop whining. 

Edited November 5, 2018 by SFRL

[Arkandeus]

If you're afraid to lose a girl you've already lost

Look at it from the perspective of your timeless immortal being, which can manifest millions of girls into your life

Does it want you to 

1) worry about losing a girl, and plan and strategize to keep her around, by going to the past, relying on past data on what type of responses keep girls around or interested, these "girls" being constructs of the past, these appriopriate responses also part of the past , so fear, lack, past, focus on circumstance (the girl) .

Or

2) focus on yourself, what the hell do you want to say, what do you feel like doing or saying? Just dont give up a fuck, feel the freedom, say whatever you want = CREATION, spontaneity, easy, fun , natural

And abundance because you do not fear losing girls, there are millions, infinite amounts of girls you can meet

Every single women on this planet could die and you would still meet and have complex relationships with women in your dreams at night, lack of women is a myth, an illusion of fear, because women are a part of you

So do whatever the fuck you wanna do, step on those minefields

 

Edited November 5, 2018 by Arkandeus