Meditation question turns into paranormal event!

[EvilAngel]

I have been meditating nearly every day for the past six months. I've been doing 'strong determination sitting' combined with 'do nothing' combined with mindfulness. When I go to the park, and sit for half an hour or so, I become quite peaceful and aware. I even manage to 'enjoy' the discomfort from my sitting position, because I'm so present it doesn't bother me. 

However, when I try meditating alone in my flat, I don't get the same result. I get bored with this and although I can stay present for long periods of time, I often feel a deep pain inside, which I have identified as loneliness. 

I feel compelled to share something which just happened as I write this. I am lying on my sofa and in my field of vision I can see my phone charger which is plugged in and has a white light on it. As I typed the word 'loneliness' in the last paragraph, it started flashing... Not in an even tempo, but, like two flashes then a flicker then one flash, etc... As if it was morse code or something but I wouldn't be able to decipher it as I don't know morse code. In fact it's just happened again and I recorded it on my phone. I've just uploaded it to YouTube. The funny thing is I prayed to God earlier this evening to show me a sign! Wow! 

 

[Hellspeed]

My computer usually freezes when I'm very synched with myself and channeling the harmony. 

[Mu_]

5 hours ago, EvilAngel said:

I have been meditating nearly every day for the past six months. I've been doing 'strong determination sitting' combined with 'do nothing' combined with mindfulness. When I go to the park, and sit for half an hour or so, I become quite peaceful and aware. I even manage to 'enjoy' the discomfort from my sitting position, because I'm so present it doesn't bother me. 

However, when I try meditating alone in my flat, I don't get the same result. I get bored with this and although I can stay present for long periods of time, I often feel a deep pain inside, which I have identified as loneliness. 

I feel compelled to share something which just happened as I write this. I am lying on my sofa and in my field of vision I can see my phone charger which is plugged in and has a white light on it. As I typed the word 'loneliness' in the last paragraph, it started flashing... Not in an even tempo, but, like two flashes then a flicker then one flash, etc... As if it was morse code or something but I wouldn't be able to decipher it as I don't know morse code. In fact it's just happened again and I recorded it on my phone. I've just uploaded it to YouTube. The funny thing is I prayed to God earlier this evening to show me a sign! Wow! 

 

The universe can communicate in some interesting ways.  Looks like it could of been something.  What are you lonely about?

Edited November 2, 2018 by Mu_

[EvilAngel]

20 hours ago, Mu_ said:

The universe can communicate in some interesting ways.  Looks like it could of been something.  What are you lonely about?

I live alone and I miss having company. Also I haven't felt safe for a long time. I want to go back home, and by 'home' I mean heaven, which I believe in. I am looking forward to death when I can go back to the Source and then I will never be alone. I don't feel like I can go on much longer on this planet. 

[i am I AM]

Perfection can be no more than the progress made in this moment. Also, isn't it truth that your perception now of-"being alone" or "not being alone" are there 100% irrespective of how long you think time lasts at any given "time", and then even the given "time" is part of your (alone or not alone) perception of how long time lasts, and everything else with it.

That's whAt I believe you can work with based on what I've seen from your posts, so far.

[PsiloPutty]

I understand how you feel, I really do. Have you ever talked to someone about this? I mean besides here, and here is a good place to. I just mean like a therapist. I was really closed-minded about that stuff a few years ago, but I had a couple issues going on and I'm glad I talk therapy a chance, because it really opened me up and changed the way I thought about things. And it's okay to go into it scared. 

I would do that first, but on the meditation side of it, your loneliness is obviously all wrapped up in your discomfort with meditating at home. There's guilt in there too, isn't there? It's because you want something from "out there".... outside of your house. A relationship, friendship, support and such?  And you feel bad for sitting on your ass in your house when  part of you thinks you should be out there. Your meditation will make you look at this stuff more closely. There's discomfort in really looking at your emotions especially at first, but it gets easier, and becomes more like a science experiment, where you are just examining the parts of the emotion, its components. It's Shinzen Young stuff. Anyway, I would talk to someone first priority, but maybe keep that in mind if you continue meditating at home. For now, just go to the park and places like that. Until you feel more encouraged. And I just want to tell you that the universe is a much better place with you in it!    

[i am I AM]

Rather than a mysterious event, perhaps the charger is about to stop working 

[Mu_]

3 hours ago, EvilAngel said:

I live alone and I miss having company. Also I haven't felt safe for a long time. I want to go back home, and by 'home' I mean heaven, which I believe in. I am looking forward to death when I can go back to the Source and then I will never be alone. I don't feel like I can go on much longer on this planet. 

Ya its a hard thing being alive isn't it.  Its ok.  It sounds like it may do you some good to create some company, just simple companionship can go a long way.  The being outside thing is natural, we feel good in the outdoors as humans, its close to home from our evolution.  I am sure you can find Source now.  Its there trust me.  Have you ever just sat for a moment in silence and really just asked god for a sign or a little love (I know god is dismissed a lot these days, and totally understand if you don't like god, but really be open to it just once and see what happens).  You'd be surprised, something may open up you were not expecting.

[EvilAngel]

11 hours ago, i am I AM said:

Perfection can be no more than the progress made in this moment. Also, isn't it truth that your perception now of-"being alone" or "not being alone" are there 100% irrespective of how long you think time lasts at any given "time", and then even the given "time" is part of your (alone or not alone) perception of how long time lasts, and everything else with it.

 

If I had a brain that could decipher what you mean by all that, it would probably be very helpful ?

[EvilAngel]

11 hours ago, PsiloPutty said:

I understand how you feel, I really do. Have you ever talked to someone about this? I mean besides here, and here is a good place to. I just mean like a therapist. I was really closed-minded about that stuff a few years ago, but I had a couple issues going on and I'm glad I talk therapy a chance, because it really opened me up and changed the way I thought about things. And it's okay to go into it scared. 

I would do that first, but on the meditation side of it, your loneliness is obviously all wrapped up in your discomfort with meditating at home. There's guilt in there too, isn't there? It's because you want something from "out there".... outside of your house. A relationship, friendship, support and such?  And you feel bad for sitting on your ass in your house when  part of you thinks you should be out there. Your meditation will make you look at this stuff more closely. There's discomfort in really looking at your emotions especially at first, but it gets easier, and becomes more like a science experiment, where you are just examining the parts of the emotion, its components. It's Shinzen Young stuff. Anyway, I would talk to someone first priority, but maybe keep that in mind if you continue meditating at home. For now, just go to the park and places like that. Until you feel more encouraged. And I just want to tell you that the universe is a much better place with you in it!    

That's really kind of you. I am seeing a psychologist, but he's mainly just teaching me CBT. We don't really speak about what goes on in the depths of my psyche. You hit the nail on the head with the guilt thing and wanting something 'out there'. Leo says that we have to face up to our loneliness and that if you are advanced enough you will look forward to solitude. This is what I am aiming for, but everyone needs company, right? 

[i am I AM]

The strange part about this is guilt can't be anymore you than things 'out there'.