60 day NO FAP challenge

[Vitamine Water]

Day 50: easy

So much has changed since yesterday. The pressure is gone and today it felt like I had 0 sexual thoughts or urges. I probably wasn't aware of them. 

The subtle energies are still very present. Today during work I felt a few "aha" moments and tingling sensations in my spine. There is a subtle feeling of clarity everytime this happens. Even when I'm typing right now I can feel parts of my spine tingling (third eye area behind my head and heart area on my back side)

Edited December 18, 2018 by Vitamine Water

[Vitamine Water]

Day 51:easy

Today I contemplated about why I crave porn and masturbation. And I came to the conclusion that I'm not addicted to orgasm, or even just masturbation. I'm addicted to hot girls having sex. I'm addicted to hot girls teasing me and stripping and giving blowjobs. 

And its because I myself lack those experiences. I've never had a serious relationship in my life and I've never had sex. So I look for that in pornography. And it does fill that void, but temporally of course. 

When I watch porn, I always look for the most perfect chick, with the most beautiful breasts and whatnot, you know the drill (pun intended). This is so wrong and toxic if you think about it. I'm creating this perfect dreamgirl in my mind and I fap to it. If the girl is not hot enough, I can't orgasm. The scene has to be fucking perfect and timed at the best moment for my orgasm.

Like wtf? How does this affect my perception in real life? Only the ultra hot girls are interesting to me. The rest, nah. Not hot enough. I'm creating such unrealistic standards. This cannot be healthy.

And nowadays porn so so realistic and ultra HD 90000000 fps. Who wants to see porn at 480p? Fuck no dude! Too pixelated. 

We're toxic little monkeys. It's pathetic and funny at the same time. My goal of no fap is the be more genuine, more authentic and not so insecure. I want to have the balls to start conversations with random people. With random girls. I want to start dating and get new experiences and life lessons. 

In the end it all comes down to the struggle I have between my spiritual and my human ego, if that makes sense. Some parts of my human ego are not yet fully evolved and I think this has to do with the lack of experience I have with women. so I feel this is the path I have to focus on more, before diving  deeper in the rabbit hole. 

Speaking of rabbit holes...

*opens up youporn*

 

 

 

 

[Vitamine Water]

Day 53

Boom. Chick magnet. Out of nowhere I feel that more girls are making eye contact with me and I with them. At least more than before. I look them straight in the eyes and don't panic and become unconfortable. I don't know what causes this. Could it be my energy that they can feel? 

Yesterday I dreamt I was having an orgasm and was so relieved I didn't lose anything when I woke up. Besides that dream I didn't have any sexual thoughts/urges the last few days. Moving on! 

[Vitamine Water]

Day 54

Picked up cold showers yesterday and today. Boy that felt so good. I can feel the link between building confidence and stepping under a cold shower. You just fucking do it. Step out of your comfort zone. The reward afterwards is so worth it. I felt really energetic and did a SD sit for about 1.5hrs. 

Now the key is to maintain these practises. 

Edited December 22, 2018 by Vitamine Water

[Shin]

Less than a week, don't screw up.

?

[Vitamine Water]

35 minutes ago, Shin said:

Less than a week, don't screw up.

?

I won't, tnx ;-) 

[Vitamine Water]

Day 55

Yartoekbalyar vlayminkquasytook vermeliasywrepralplokinski bloremsoketroptropmello yerverstrokey mokeypleanetsukyema veelopnems parteyak soyemuzgul

Bliagawelombienateloklokyemi veraymelop sliatermynwelika petipeti mjezulvrajuk pegperpjezon wjelozampaje paje paje welom

Briagalogomesjavoltaponjemiveska

[Shin]

That's some nice mushrooms you got there.

[Vitamine Water]

8 hours ago, Shin said:

That's some nice mushrooms you got there.

Hahaha yea man. They grow naturally under my armpits.

 

[Vitamine Water]

Day 56

Slow and steady, nothing serious going on today. I do feel more looks on me. In the train, metro. Normally I'm the one who instantly looks away when someone is looking at me, but now I can remain eye contact. 

Still doing the cold showers in the morning. I think within a few more days it becomes a steady habit, bacause I'm already feeling the benefits in increased energy in the morning. Building that up with nofap and exercise will definitely sky rocket the proces. Only thing I'm missing rn is physical exercise. I'm thinking of doing the qigong in the evenings, because then I have more time. I'll plan this for next Wednesday. 

Merry Christmas people!! 

 

 

 

[Vitamine Water]

On 01/12/2018 at 3:32 PM, Vitamine Water said:

Day 34

Things I want to improve:

- earlier bedtime (completed) 

- morning meditation

- steady qi gong exercise 

- 30 minutes of reading

- 1 SDS per week (completed) 

- wake up earlier in weekends

- start running (evenings) 

- less ice coffee (completed) 

- steady self inquiry habit

- train my social skills

- start dating

 

Priority:

- earlier bedtime (completed) 

- steady qi gong exercise

- 30 minutes of reading

- SDS

 

 

 

[Vitamine Water]

Day 57

Feeling good! I'm increasing the time under the cold showers, right now it's about 2 minutes. 

I can feel a new wave of sexual urges coming. Last night I had a lot of fantasies, even during meditation I kinda lost myself in it. 

 

[youngshinzen]

@Vitamine Water What helps me is to take out a certain amount of time in my meditation to consciously think about the dirtiest stuff possible until the emotional desire and attachment to these visual thoughts is lessened. After that I'm much more able to focus on something I want. Like boobs for example. 

Edited December 26, 2018 by youngshinzen

[Vitamine Water]

@youngshinzen You mean actively fantasizing about hot girls? Doesn't that make the urge to fap even stronger for you? 

 

[Igor82]

Everytime you get s fantasy or an urge, dont brace yourself, go assault mode. Attack the fantasy or craving with awareness and see through it, see it for what it is in the body and the mind and observe it die. Kill it, do it.

@youngshinzen @Vitamine Water

[youngshinzen]

@Vitamine Water Yes, but during meditation I force myself to sit down and not move. Also with thoughts it‘s not as intense as watching vids. If I think about it on purpose, there‘s not this kick I get when doing it in a forbidden context. And those thoughts will come either way.

[Igor82]

Fantasizing was the start of my downfall from a 6month streak I had last year. I experience intentional fantasizing to have the capacity to be addicting and spawn cravings. I suggest to let go of all that, letting go is most effective, and any kind of clinging will by definition perpetuate the addiction.

I dont think that intentionally fantasizing will help you with “sorting away thoughts from your mind”. The thoughts will come anyways, but if they come randomly they come with the intention for you to cling to them and thus perpetuate the addiction. This is why most cravings come in your weakest moments, when you have the most potential to give into them and keep the addiction alive. In these moments you must let go. Let go at all costs, you must ultimately let go of all of it in order for the addiction to be trancended @youngshinzen

 

[Vitamine Water]

@youngshinzen @Igor82

Thanks. I basically see it as a form of visualisation,which can also be applied for different goals in life (like gaining muscle or becoming the best version of yourself).

[youngshinzen]

@Igor82 To me it feels like emotional purging. I get in tune with the emotional need and try to follow it without resistance and judgement. I also want to understand what it symbolizes for me. Same process as connecting to my inner child. You could say it‘s connecting to the inner wiener.

As long as there is still an emotional desire, there will be a cognitive dissonance and a shadow. For example, I don‘t feel the desire to think about stuff with refined sugar anymore. I was able to see the direct connection between the consumption and lack of feelings the next day. But for now, I don‘t -fully- see a direct negative effect of fantasizing. You seem to have experienced it already.

[Vitamine Water]

Day 59

Nothing serious going on today. I was expecting more urges and sexual fantasies because of yesterday, but that didn't happen. In fact, if I think about watching porn right now, I get a bit disgusted by it. Might just be the moment.