how do I develop taste for non-hedonistic stuff?

[Viking]

I find myself in a constant state of craving, not one moment is good enough, except a few extremely rarely. craving for food, masturbation, movies, youtube, etc.

I realize that in order to be more satisfied I have to develop a taste for work, studying, interacting with people, books, and I dont know what more. But I cant imagine enjoying working or studying, let alone enjoying it more than a good movie or a good youtube video.

I have been studying for years already and I still hate it. I have been reading a few books and I still hate it. I hate interacting with people, it bores me, even though ive been doing it for my whole life. that means that the taste for this stuff doesnt develop automatically with time, but i have to do something else in order to develop that taste.

my question is - what?

[Sahil Pandit]

@Viking Connect with nature and try to re-center yourself

[Viking]

1 minute ago, Sahil Pandit said:

@Viking Connect with nature and try to re-center yourself

I find nature one of those things that I have to develop a taste for, I dont like being in nature that much.

[Sahil Pandit]

@Viking Have you reduced and decluttered your room? Meaning, have you removed the non-essentials that are simply taking up space? I noticed that this step really helped me move towards Personal Development.

[bejapuskas]

@Viking Did you watch Leo's video on quitting addictions? I did literally the thing that Leo advised me to do and it worked! Just overdo the things, that are safe to overdo (not alcohol, drugs...) with your full consciousness. Try entering a very focused state via meditation or just relaxation and then try to watch your favourite top 10 videos and ask yourself, who are you gonna be, if you keep doing this for the rest of your life? Or try to fap two times in a row, your body will almost deny that, thats when you know its bad for you and even if you succeed, you are gonna feel anxious and tired as hell. I think you get the idea.  

 

[Viking]

3 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Viking Did you watch Leo's video on quitting addictions? I did literally the thing that Leo advised me to do and it worked! Just overdo the things, that are safe to overdo (not alcohol, drugs...) with your full consciousness. Try entering a very focused state via meditation or just relaxation and then try to watch your favourite top 10 videos and ask yourself, who are you gonna be, if you keep doing this for the rest of your life? Or try to fap two times in a row, your body will almost deny that, thats when you know its bad for you and even if you succeed, you are gonna feel anxious and tired as hell. I think you get the idea.  

that's a great idea! i will watch the video and try that, but that doesnt answer the question.

if i quit those addictions my life will be empty and even though i overcame these addictions lets say i will indulge in them again because i will have only suffering and no joy in my life. you can say that the only enjoyment i get out of life is those addictions, nothing else is really worth doing, so my question is how do i develop the ability to enjoy other things that are better and more satisfying apparently.

[bejapuskas]

@Viking Thats false assumption man. Its actually the reason why you are addicted - you assume that your life will get worse without these things. Check out the happiness spectrum, you can meditate or learn, meet interesting and inspiring people - that kind of happiness is like 1000 % better quality than orgasm.

[Viking]

1 minute ago, bejapuskas said:

you can meditate or learn, meet interesting and inspiring people - that kind of happiness is like 1000 % better quality than orgasm.

but that's exactly what im saying, that I dont enjoy these things. my question is how do i enjoy them

[bejapuskas]

@Viking By destroying the false assumptions and quitting your addictions man! If you are addicted to dopamine, you have to stop being addicted on it, get that dopamine level down. If you rely on your dopamine levels to be high, they will have to get higher and higher, and you will have much harder time to find stuff that satisfies you. Its completely possible to do that, but your body will suffer and people who do this often die from heart attacks and strokes, its just not even an option for you, no whining.

Meditation, studying and actualizing gives you much less dopamine than porn and soap operas. You need to calm down, then you will be able to enjoy yourself, its that simple. Probably watch Leo's videos about happiness, quitting addictions and eudaimonia vs hedonism, they will be very benefitial for you. Just be honest to yourself, did you ever contemplate the question you asked me? If you did, you are lying, no way you did, otherwise you would spot the bullshit almost immidiately.

[Salvijus]

@Viking how's your vipassana meditation practice going?

[bejapuskas]

6 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

@Viking how's your vipassana meditation practice going?

@Viking At some point, you are gonna need to break the ice and dive into it... Maybe you will fail 20 times, or even 50 times before you quit addictions, it usually happens, but failure = growth. I used to be hard porn and video game addict, I also was a needy lover... I needed to fail too many times and it hurt as hell, but here I am, almost addiction free, still working on things like diet, but once you get going, it gets easier and easier. You also have to commit 100%, because its easier than commiting 99% paradoxically... Because if you do that, then you are gonna think that every day is THE day when you can slack off. Its not about pushing yourself, that will only create more suffering, but rather being conscious of the harm that its causing you, learn about body awareness and psychology... Do counter-intuitive things, it will show you, how the world is so paradoxical and unrational, contemplate everything.  

[Viking]

16 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

@Viking how's your vipassana meditation practice going?

i stopped doing it a few days after the retreat, it was way harder to do it at home and i suffered way too much.

 

[Timotheus]

Connect with: Big picture/long term thinking, compassion, pride, hate, pretension, tenacity, your own mortality, longing for succes/self approval and or the wish to put an end to suffering.

[bejapuskas]

@Viking I think that you already got enough answers, now it the time to go and try doing the actual work, good luck buddy!

 

[King of Hearts]

Man, I think this is a deep fundamental question.  It's related to your "life purpose". You must find something you enjoy doing. Something that will be fun in the present and beneficial in the future.  

Maybe start with a goal you would like to achieve this month and come up with a plan for it. Small steps. 

Try to figure out some small goals and don't stress too much about what you don't like. 

And Meditation.

[Girzo]

34 minutes ago, Viking said:

i stopped doing it a few days after the retreat, it was way harder to do it at home and i suffered way too much.

Geez, the worst thing possible. Are you doing Kriya Yoga daily? Please say yes. If not then start immediately, it's only 15 minutes daily for the first two months.

[Salcedoop]

It really depends on what you are after. A developed sense of responsibility requires balance, commitment and perseverance. These values may well be achieved by an individual, although I believe it's best to find a group with these qualities and join in (for example a sports team or a club). This will provide the pressure you need to work on those values, like a muscle. Only after developing a good sense of responsibility it's sensible to pursue an innovative path. 
My thoughts on hedonism: seeking pleasure is usually the result of either bad habits acquired during development or relief seeking; in the first case, it may be useful to think whether you have your habits under control or they have control over you; Can you say you're stronger than them? Can you stop at will? . Pleasure seeking isn't bad in and of itself, it's bad when out of our control. The second case, relief seeking, means that there is a constant source of stress. If this source of stress isn't readily evident, it may be time to look inwards to find resolve for said source (could be past trauma, could be a current relationship). 

Good luck! 

[RichardY]

 

[Preetom]

@Viking

You got 2 options.

1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue)

2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue)

1) Traditional Self help POV (Psychological issue):

Reading your post, it seems to me that this might be your case. You don't genuinely enjoy any responsible and so called healthy activities. But you still get a kick out of all the low consciousness addictions. If this is the case, then it's a a case of mistaken priority. Your brain is flooded will dopamine and you'll need to refrain from all stimulies for an year or so to recover. Then you'll naturally start enjoying the healthy habits and highs like studying, good diet, relationships, healthy sex, healthy entertainment once in a while etc. @bejapuskas said everything that needed to be said here. It will be a super hard challenge the 1st few months or years because you'll have to literally brute force everyday. It's like a cocain addict recovering.

2) Real Spirituality POV (Existential, deep issue)

This happened to me. Along with daily so called 'healthy' stuff, the addictive stuff like binge watching entertainment, porn, food etc became like a chore and boring and disgusting and hollow as well. A realization came that even jerking off to porn is making me suffer WHILE I'm doing it, let alone afterwards lol. I was a diligent student/worker pretty much all my life. So I know the story of both worlds. I realized that neither a new disciplined identity nor the addict junky identity is giving me any joy.

Like the prodigal son, I ventured in the 'the world'. But no activity, object, person, state of mind gave me any lasting joy. There was no more direction to do but yet the desire for satisfaction was burning ever vigorously. I'd pass days just lying on the bed over 15 hours, stopped eating for days because even eating felt like a chore.

Through this intense suffering, a new door was opened; the last possible door. ''Who is this self that is in constant search for Happiness? What is this happiness exactly?''

A rigorous self inquiry process started and I'm still in it, ready to be thrown into the unknown forever any moment.

If this story resonates with you, then realize that your current mid life crisis is actually a call to merge with God. If this is the case, no amount of transformation will satisfy this existential itch unless you see through it all the way. No cosmetic will work. You can't plaster gold on your decade long wounds and pretend that it's solved. 

Now honestly examine your life and see what your condition really is.

Do you still believe more movies, porn or some magical object in the future will totally satisfy you?  If this is the case then nothing wrong with that. Go with @bejapuskas's solid advice. There are tons of self help info on re-sculpting a new personality and value system. You can literally have a completely new healthy personality 5 years from now on if you put in the work.

Or do you see that no matter what you try to become will always be another fragile garment, which has really nothing to do with you? If this is how you honestly feel, then it's time to get Enlightened! Your life will then authentically, naturally bloom from that place without 'your' control.

both path will be hard! Both path demands few years of toiling labor and excruciating loneliness, confusion and pain without really seeing any tangible result. Not decide my friend

Edited October 29, 2018 by Preetom

[Joseph Maynor]

Here's is the dirty little secret that almost nobody knows, and even if they did know this at one time they probably don't know it now.  And that is a clean life is a much more pleasurable life than a dirty life.  And you can only find this out by doing it.  But it's a discovery, and then you'll see that the trap of living the dirty life is people don't realize it's a more painful life in every way -- including but not limited to energy levels.  Sobriety in the widest sense is much more pleasurable than being doped up on all kinds of stuff, chemical and informational and otherwise. 

Edited October 29, 2018 by Joseph Maynor