LSD 150ug Trip - Jung's Anima & Psychological Insight

[Bluebird]

So some backstory: this was my third trip - was 150ug of LSD-25.

This trip occurred early September, I have since had a "bad" trip and am taking a break from psychedelics for a while. But figured I hadn't seen much content relating to different aspects of Individuation (Shadow, Anima, Wise Old Man) which have been an important part of my personal development.

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So I went into this trip with the intention of doing some "Inner Work" on the substance. Rather than other reality/nondual experiences I've had before.

 

Early on I was talking to a friend about someone, and it immediately clicked that I was projecting elements of myself onto them, my friend was saying something about the person (that they were weak-minded). I immediately burst out laughing realising how ironic it all was.

I've had some bad experiences in relationships and with women over the years, which led to my Anima (inner woman) becoming pretty warped and messed up. I went through reactionary phases of MGTOW and anti-Feminism which I was still moving through when this trip took place.

There were many different aspects of the trip that dealt with my Anima.

1. I heard someone walking around the house at some point in shoes, I regressed to a childhood moment and it sounded exactly like my Mother coming home and wanting to be with someone but me not being mature enough to go out and talk or hug her because I was young. I knew I needed to hug her.
2. I was with a dog at one point. Decided to go back inside, and closed it outside. Then I saw a notification on my phone about "Breaking story: Man abandons dog alone outside". At this point I realised that the dog represented my Anima and I had walked away from it and closed it off. I had literally left it completely alone in the cold. I went back outside and sat with the dog (Pearl).
3. When I was sitting with Pearl she looked at me, and had a chain on to keep her from running off at night. I knew she wanted the chain off and I felt this was a symbolic act for releasing my inner femininty, unchaining the Anima. I took the chain off and the dog kissed (licked) me.
4. (From another trip, but related) I was sitting on a lakeside, on some sand. And an older couple came down. I didn't think much of it, until the woman sat down by the water and the man said something to her and then began to walk off. The woman then began to start break down crying and dissolving in terrible pain as the man walking off down the beach, leaving her in pain. --- Turns out, the couple was really there, but I was hallucinating the breakdown part as I walked closer and she was fine. 

I got a few other insights into myself, self-love, compassion, and these related concepts from the trip.

 

Lessons

I got what psychological projection was, I had an aha-moment where I saw elements of myself I was projecting onto some friends. Clear as day, both negative and positive elements. All humans were a mirror of an aspect of myself. You project these positive elements as well, if you understand this is in yourself, you open yourself to self-love. Just knowing this isn't enough, you have to see it (and feel it) directly in your experience.

Dealt with my anima, I released my inner feminine from the chain that bound her. I literally released a dog from a chain, and the dog represented my Anima (inner feminine) for the entirety of the trip.

I experienced a friend becoming my mother and many other forms of the feminine. I didn't want to face how much my mother influenced my Anima, but she definitely does. I am always in her arms and she is always in mine, the yin and yang, an eternal dance of duality in which we are in taking on different forms/

At one point my friend put his arm around me, later on reality felt liked it had looped and I was in his role and put my arm around him (something I would never normally do sober). A bond that was beautiful and unbreakable. Something we had shared for all eternity in different roles and forms.

I am doing this all for myself, the thing I love most about myself is how much I would go through for myself. I would literally live an entire life and feel all the pain of existence just to get the growth out of it.

At one point, I was listening to some music, and I started hearing my future self giving a lecture on poetry and the nature of god and infinity and their interplay. The beauty of poetry is all of reality. I was older and speaking to myself from a picture of myself that I was looking at (the one I least like of myself). Which I started to find the absolute beauty in. "The great above, the original poet uses language as creation." The title of the lecture could have been something like: "God, Myself & Poetry." This really connected my to my heart and I could actually feel the pain and love in my heart physically.

A line from a poem I had written many months back popped up into my head as I was looking at this photo of myself: "A deep well of tears never cried". This made me start crying quite cathartically. And I eventually stopped hating the way I looked in this photo and began to really love myself for what made me, me!

I felt an instinct to act more socially conscious, to be more open, to defend others, to talk to people more freely

Actions to integrate

• Acts of service for parents and family and others
• Write and share my poetry
• Share more intimate details of my life
• Hug and kiss my parents and family
• Find a relationship
• Cry more
• Say words like "love" more
• Speak (physically talk) more about emotions
• Discover deeper parts of yourself
• Be more courageous. Speak with girls more often.
• Replace fantasy with real world action. Fantasy keeps you safe by protecting you from the reality of the consequences of vulnerablity. Of feeling deep and true pain. Embrace it.
• Feel through moments of resistance. Like writing on birthday cards. And actually wrote with some heart rather than just empty words.
• Making strong decisions, assertiveness rather than being so unsure and ambivalent about making the "right" choice

 

Hopefully this has been helpful for some people to show the different types of work you can do on Psychedelics. Rather than just "ego-death" and non-duality type experiences.

This was 100% caused by the intention and as always, set and setting.

Also: WARNING... I've had a very bad experience on LSD since this point, so please take care of yourself, I wouldn't recommend going through what I went through.

[Leo Gura]

@Bluebird Excellent work!

[kieranperez]

This is actually what I'm more interested in for using psychedelics. I see SO much potential here for this EXACT work and even work for connecting more to deep intuition. So glad to see someone posting on this. I feel like using psychedelics for this is maybe even more important for powerfully releasing a lot of baggage before you get into serious nondual work as modern egos now, especially in the west, are so rotten, traumatized, fragmented, dysfunctional that they can't even effectively do the deepest enlightenment work possible because they're so traumatized in some way or another and can't really develop real authentic compassion, love, and empathy and end projections, bitterness, shame, judging, anger, etc. 

[outlandish]

Sounds like a really special trip, good to organize those insights like that. I hope you can keep coming back to them and continue to integrate them into your life. Acid (well you really) has shown you some important things!

I also hope that you've learned something from your bad trip, or at least gained insight on what not to do in the future.

[Bluebird]

@kieranperez Completely agree!

On top of this I would like to point out that I think the psychedelics can act as a powerful catalyst. And that with the right intention you can work on something alone a similar theme for a larger period.

So for example... I've combined Psychedelics, Dream Work, Journalling and so much more to work on my Anima and Shadow Aspects.

What I've found incredible is the synergistic effect this can create.

For example:

I had been doing a little bit of Anima exploration leading into the trip, which set my mind in the right headspace.

However, following this, I've obviously been integrating the actions but additionally still exploring. And had an incredible dream relating to this, which I don't think I would have had without the trip.

Anima Dream (sorry for the long read - TLDR down below)

I had entered some large palace-like house, with maze-like winding corridors. At the very centre of the palace was a large open rectangular arena with ground level viewing corridors either side and an elevated one for the "VIPs" at the front. (In Jungian psychology this would be a Mandala that represents the Self).

I was in the middle of the arena and being chased by two very large (giant-like) black women. They were trying to grab me, I thought at least to have sex with me and get my sperm (fear of being used/betrayed?). There was also one smaller white woman in the arena, I believe (maybe two?) and as I was running around to avoid the large black women the "king" (person running the event up the top) announced I was to be with one of the white girls to keep it pure or something like that.

Eventually, I was running around and I think I may have sat down near one of the girls and started talking to her, she may have been Asian and didn't speak much English though. Eventually, the "king" announced they had gotten my sperm and the game was over. I thought it must have seeped out and been collected somehow.

I feel like my mother was disappointed with me at some point around here for letting the girl down or hurting her feelings or something.

I immediately left the arena, stepping just out of it into the corridor and almost instantly the open part I stepped through filled in with stone and the central arena was cut off. The whole area then began to flood, we knew inside the arena was completely flooded and outside in the corridors was flooded about 70%, so we still had enough air to breathe and knew we weren't going to die.

Then the water went down and returned back to normal, the arena was now cleared. This was not the first time this had happened.

I now felt I had to go find the girl (I had abandoned in the arena??). I then went off alone walking through the corridors and upstairs to different levels. Not long after I found a room and had a sense it might have been hers, I opened it and saw a woman there topless. I almost immediately recognised who it was. I went in to where the bed was anyway and waited. I was almost anticipating seeing her topless again and seeing if it would go somewhere sexual (passive eros?). She came out and saw me and immediately put on a shirt, I then asked her if she knew where the girl I was looking for was. She said she did and to go to the right a bit, upstairs and look in one of the rooms.

I went to do that, and then she came out and guided me to her instead. I went upstairs another level and opened one of the doors and she was there. She was lying in bed, curled up, and facing the wall. Clearly, she was hurting.

I went over to the bed, it was slightly larger than a single bed, and lied down next to her. I just had to be there with her.

I don't remember the middle. But eventually I went back down to the arena with her, and we stood together. I don't remember what happened next.

Anima Integration from Dream (TLDR)

1. Running from the destructive anima
2. Stopping and trying to face the anima
3. Being betrayed/beaten, and blaming the anima (wrongly?)
4. A flood event
5. Having to seek the anima
6. Meeting a form of the guiding feminine (who I immediately sexualise)
7. Finding the anima
8. Just being there for her / laying with her
9. Bringing her back to the centre with me, in front of everyone (including mother) -- integration

 

Holistic Psychedelic Work

For sure I think that the best shadow work, self-work, anima-work, whatever type of inner-work your doing comes about in a Holistic way.

Would be interested to see if @Leo Gura has had the same experience. Where you have to analyse and see the issues in a myriad of different ways (psychedelics, dreams, journaling, cbt, projection, criticism, etc.) to build up a good map of the true issue.

[kieranperez]

@Bluebird This is awesome man. Going to shoot you a message on questions about specifics about this.

Also, check out Martin Ball's newish book: Entheogenic Liberation

I haven't read it but I know a lot of it is on nondual energetic therapy and with the way he uses 5-MeO even for deep therapy work (when he did do it -he's retired now). I think you can use psychedelics with body work therapy like psychologists such as Wilhelm Reich. I remember hearing one time from Shinzen Young in a YouTube video that there are 3 fundamental levels of the subconscious: 

• Internal Talk - This is the most surface level which is what most psychotherapy is geared towards like DBT/CBT and such. How you talk to yourself, what's that inner narrator saying, etc.
• Imagery - This is the 2nd deepest level of the subconscious where people like Freud and Jung come in with dreamwork, archetypes, shadow work, etc.
• The Body - The deepest level. This is where Wilhelm Reich comes in and even Martin Ball and a lot of transpersonal psychologists like Stan Grof. Also, that "Shamanic Breathing" video was all transpersonal psychology. Man if you listen to the stories Martin Ball has on say some other YouTube videos outside of the interview he did with @Leo Gura, you're going to get some amazing perspectives about how much trauma, energy, and unconscious baggage we hold in ourselves "physically". 

[Bluebird]

@kieranperez Yeah, I've always been inerested in Wilhelm Reich's work. It's definitely something I've been looking at.

Got into the body-trauma work from Elliot Hulse. Interestingly, I've read a book called "LSD Psychotherapy" by Stan Grof, which I thought was amazing and inspired my journey in many ways.

What interested me was the idea of the relived Birth Trauma, where the traumas playing out in our lives are deeply connected to the initial Birth Trauma. Which makes sense to me if you discount the idea of time being strictly linear. In that our birth-trauma affects our lives and our lives are also having feedback on our birth trauma.

Many people would relive this birth trauma in an LSD trip and go through massive physical, psychological, and emotional healing from it. I think in many ways the body trauma and birth trauma are intimately connected.

Unfortunately I haven't been able to go long with the Shamanic Breathing since i start to get super light headed and have yet to push through that feeling of discomfort. I have done other body-truama work before. I forget what it's called but it's essentially a muscular fatigue one that involves strong shaking. 

Would be interested in hearing your personal experience with it, feel free to message me anytime. Would love to talk to someone about all this

[kieranperez]

49 minutes ago, Bluebird said:

What interested me was the idea of the relived Birth Trauma, where the traumas playing out in our lives are deeply connected to the initial Birth Trauma. Which makes sense to me if you discount the idea of time being strictly linear. In that our birth-trauma affects our lives and our lives are also having feedback on our birth trauma.

I think for me it's more just getting all the main trauma out there and dealt. After awhile I think all this stuff can be like anything else where one tries to reach this kind of perfection in purifying every source of trauma they've ever had in their life. Definitely interesting though. I just want to get all the "main" emotional and psychological stuff dealt with and also connect with my intuition and heart with what I really want out of this life and a deeper vision for my life and then take action because I'm still very VERY unclear on what it is I want. I feel like my mind and conditioned desires and obligations are pulling me 10000 different directions but I still have no idea with what I want even after taking the life purpose course and I don't want to commit to doing work that sure, it get's me money after years of work but it really it's all just bullshit that I was going to transcend anyway and it's hard for me to connect with what I really deeply want because I'm stuck in a dysfunctional family relationship and I'm home most of the day. 

54 minutes ago, Bluebird said:

Unfortunately I haven't been able to go long with the Shamanic Breathing since i start to get super light headed and have yet to push through that feeling of discomfort. I have done other body-truama work before. I forget what it's called but it's essentially a muscular fatigue one that involves strong shaking. 

To be honest neither have I. I've tried multiple times but I salivate so much that I can't keep it up for that long because I keep having to swallow. Same goes for my meditation and I don't know how to solve it. 

[Charlotte]

@Bluebird this was incredibly heartwarming to read. I'm so joyful for you ♥️

[Bluebird]

2 hours ago, kieranperez said:

 I'm still very VERY unclear on what it is I want. I feel like my mind and conditioned desires and obligations are pulling me 10000 different directions but I still have no idea with what I want

 

Dude, you're not alone  

I feel like this same struggle almost defines a large part of who I am now. Definitely my cornerstone that I'm working on.