Please help i need some advice

[Casey Gavin Powers]

hi actualized.org, i have a serious problem happening with me right now and ive been trying my best to solve this by myself but i feel like getting some outside perspective may help. ill give you the background. 

im a 17yr old high school student. i got into watching leo sometime last year because of my social anxiety and very depressive feelings ive been experiencing most of my life. watching leo was interesting but it became toxic because i relied too much on him and basically tried to emulate him rather than fixing anything (rookie mistake). only now am i recognizing my own direct experience, for a while i was beginning to depersonalize because the ideas would be in my head while i would smoke weed nearly every day. Recently, ive been suicidal. Ive had multiple breakdowns and had a huge one today where i bashed my head into metal bars bruising myself, which is why im writing this. I got dumped by my ex over the summer because i was mentally unstable, we got back together but i called it off a few weeks ago because i noticed the same thing happening. im a very creative person and have been making all sorts of art for sometime now, ive created this graphic design brand called "UNZARI" and its been very successful at my school and im pretty well known for it and popular at school. a lot of my problems are internal, ive had a girlfriend, im considered good looking and cool, and im very social. right now i feel incredibly lonely because i had a lot of fun last year but now that me and my girlfriend are broken up i only have 2 people to talk to and hang out with (people who may care about me). My dad doesnt talk to me at all besides when he yells at me, which makes me feel like shit everyday. i recently disabled all my social media and have just isolated myself in my room. my problems seem very petty in comparison to what others have to go through, but its getting to the point where im starting to harm myself.

 

any advice helps, feel free to ask questions 

[Gabriel Antonio]

Sorry you’re going through that... 

I don’t have any advice to give you. I just hope things get better for you. 

Is there counseling in your school?

[Elisabeth]

@Casey Gavin Powers  Find conventional mental health care (= counseling, even psychiatry) ASAP.

Your problems are NOT petty. You have anxiety and depression starting at a low age, and you are living basically with an abusive parent. You self-harm. USE ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET. Western psychotherapy has a lot to teach you, but it takes some time. So does self-help. So definitely get therapy & continue your exploration of the self-help field & if you feel really stuck and need some leverage quickly don't shy away from antidepressants. They are a crutch, but they do save lives. 

I'm so sorry life is this hard right now. But you are seeking, so I'm sure you will find your way.

Edited October 28, 2018 by Elisabeth

[bejapuskas]

@Casey Gavin Powers Think about what you can improve by yourself, Leo's videos have really helped me to cure my own depression. 

[i am I AM]

Does the school have any clubs or extracurriculars because your family situation might be what's making you feel like shit.

A club offers people who can give you solid and long-lasting friendships because they share a passion together, and it's possible certain related life experiences led them to that passion in particular.

[Salcedoop]

@Casey Gavin Powers Hi Casey, I'm sorry to read what you are going through, I don't think it's petty at all, family problems are psychologically some of the most daunting and when it comes to parents, taboo. I don't know you and you're quite young so I hope my answer is not too vague  , remember, one can only talk from experience, always take other's advice with a grain of salt, including Leo's. He's said it himself in some vids.. A lot of adulthood is about balancing out our needs and wants with other's needs and wants; for the most part it's not egocentric to search for help to get your own problem fixed and to put yourself in the right place before anyone else because a sick person, an unstable person cannot help others in the long run.
I could go on, but I don't consider it productive for the time being. I leave you with this short vid with advice for creative people, I hope it's useful. I know people are trashing JP right now, but hey, when it comes to psychology the guy knows his stuff. 

 Good luck! 

Edited October 30, 2018 by Salcedoop

[Nahm]

@Casey Gavin Powers

Meditation, breath focused,  3 times a day. In just a few days you’ll begin to see how you are thinking nd projecting onto these facets of your life and turning them into problems for yourself. You’ll stop doing that with some meditation. Don’t beat up on yourself if you choose not to, if you’re not ready to stop the ridiculousness and start meditating...,often, we are creatures of habit, and things must reach an absolute terrible pinnacle before we start to take responsibility for our own outlook, attitude, mood, thinking, decisions, life in general. Once you do though, it’s worth all the pain you went through. Good luck man. Read up on Oprah, & Tony Robbins. They had a rough start too. 

[Casey Gavin Powers]

@Gabriel Antonio @Nahm @Salcedoop @i am I AM @Elisabeth thank you for all the kind replies and amazing advice. it got the point the other day where i bought a rope planning to hang myself. i let myself completely go into it as much as i needed. i ended up going to a halloween party the other day where i sold my brand items. i met this girl who i fell in love with and we actually made out the other night. i am not relying on her for my happiness but we talked about self actualization and it made me feel a great sense of love for life after what i went through and now being blessed knowing this person who happens to be into SPIRAL DYNAMICS, what are the odds? im not sure if i need to join any activities but i def am seeing the school therapist  thank you all so much you people were the only ones there for me at the time

[Elisabeth]

@Casey Gavin Powers  I'm glad that you are feeling better now. I'm also glad you are seeing the school psychologist. Hopefully they can give you practical advice on the help you have available in dealing with your moods and difficult family situation.

Good luck with girls

[Swede]

@Casey Gavin Powers Leo has made a great video called Why am I Depressed. In the video Leo explains that depression isn't an external problem, but an internal.

Maybe you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself. At your age many are in a hurry to achieve things in life. Let things take the time it requires. One of my own favorites rules for life is: There are no "have-tos" in life.

About social anxiety: