How to connect deeper with a stranger right off the bat?

[Manjushri]

I seem to have trouble with this. Hoe can I connect with people I don't know yet? Which questions open the door? etc

[Forestluv]

2 minutes ago, Gligorije said:

I seem to have trouble with this. Hoe can I connect with people I don't know yet? Which questions open the door? etc

Take an interest in them. Ask questions and listen. . . 

[aurum]

@Gligorije

Ask genuine questions, create commonalities.

[Charlotte]

Moderate eye contact. Smile. Open body language. Make the conversation about them and listen holistically

[Kaity]

@Gligorije  Somehow get him/her to do the eye-gazing exercise  10 minutes of looking into their eyes and you end up acquiring a profound connection

[Gabriel Antonio]

In my experience, deep connection requires patience to cultivate the friendship. Yes, there are some occasions where you instantly feel connected to a person you just met, but this is unusual. 

Whenever I meet a stranger, I normally use small talk and let the conversation flow naturally. I find that if I force dense topics, it usually throws people off. Not everybody wants to have the conversation of their lives, especially if they just met you. 

I have a handful of close friends who I "satisfy" my need for deep conversations. Then, with other people, I talk about simple and light stuff. 

[Girzo]

Ask them to play a game, where you both answer these questions:

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained anyone quality or ability, what would it be? Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of 5 items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Setm
25. Make 3 true "we" statements each. For instance 'We are both in this room feeling ... "
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... "
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. Mter saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save anyone item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Taken from: https://www.stafforini.com/docs/Aron et al - The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness.pdf

[Shin]

2 words:

Suprise buttsex

[billiesimon]

Most people here responded with: ask genuine questions about them.

Now, this is my normal policy when meeting people, but this backfires a lot, at least for me.

There are some rare cases where the person shows interest in connecting, but in my case most of the times the person (it doesn't matter if man or woman) just starts talking about his/her self and never stops to reciprocate. It becomes some kind of egotistical interview, where they don't give a fuck about sharing commonalities.

What's wrong with this approach?

[Manjushri]

@billiesimon even better lol, just root out the people u don't want to connect with

[Equanimitize]

Deep connection comes easier the more you know, accept, and love thyself.

How can one ask for a deep connection, when the one wanting to go deep cant do it him or her self.

Eye contact and body language will either open or close the person up that you are engaging with. In order to go deep you have to be confident and at the same time willing to be vulnerable and of course grounded in the present moment (Less Monkey Mind more Feeling).

You also have to be willing to ask deep questions, but the questions won't go anywhere if the above is not there from the get go. 

[Shin]

On 10/29/2018 at 0:55 PM, billiesimon said:

Most people here responded with: ask genuine questions about them.

Now, this is my normal policy when meeting people, but this backfires a lot, at least for me.

There are some rare cases where the person shows interest in connecting, but in my case most of the times the person (it doesn't matter if man or woman) just starts talking about his/her self and never stops to reciprocate. It becomes some kind of egotistical interview, where they don't give a fuck about sharing commonalities.

What's wrong with this approach?

What did you expect ?

Most people are selfish, so most conversations will be too.

Just accept that and let conversation run their course normally.

If someone is meant to be in your life it will stay, otherwise it won't, as simple as that.

[Manjushri]

@Shin meant to be? what kind of belief is that? 

[Manjushri]

So my formula is basically :

 

- ground myself before talking, or during the chatty phase

- cultivate loving thoughts and genuine wishes for the other person to be happy, free from suffering, etc

- see what i can offer and what the person needs

-open body language, eye contact 

-listening without interrupting

-asking RELEVANT questions. not the ones you read from google

-actually CARING and being interested in the other person hehe

and the key part :

-making it all about feelings. that's how the best conversations go imho. expressing them and being vulnerable but grounded at the same time, makes it a great experience with a potential to connect easily. 

ever since I've been doing this, I have the reputation of a kind and loving person. 

ps circling is awesome too. 

[Helios]

Do an activity together.

[Hellspeed]

I use Tantra. 

[Manjushri]

@Hellspeed Please elaborate