Question about negatively motivated values (Video 52 of the course)

[GaiaGoddess]

I was making it through the course very smoothly until now, and i'm at an impasse and don't know if this will affect my ability to proceed.

I am on Video #52 where you do the guided meditation to find the trauma that created your fears that are causing your negatively motivated values. My theme of negatively motivated values is stuff like "fear of not growing, fear of not living an actualized life, fear of being tied down by a normal life with a normal job taking up all my time, fear of not having freedom", etc. I don't think these fears are bad and they also weren't caused by any trauma. The guided meditation was a dead end for me, in fact I never had these fears until very recently (and i'm 46 years old). they certainly didn't come from childhood trauma or anything related to my childhood. These fears are a result of finding out about awakening, enlightenment, personal development, etc.which only  happened in the last 10 years of my life. Basically I don't want to have a normal job, live in one place my whole life, know the same people my whole life, visit the same places my whole life, and live like everyone else lives. So having a fear of that happening is not a fear I got from any trauma, therefore it doesn't feel right classifying it as a negatively motivated value. 

So it seems backwards to me to try to get rid of this negatively motivated value, and I dont even know if I can anyway since it's directly related to becoming self actualized.

[Equanimitize]

Right on, not everything in the course resonated with me 100%. People have different backgrounds, environments, cultures, genetics, etc. not everyone will have the same experience with everything in the course and everyone will resonate differently with the course material. 

I would say charge forward, and continue on. This is would I did at least, hope this helps. 

[Nichts]

I think it would be more helpful if you formulated it positively. E.g. "I'm self-actualizing because i genuinely want to have an amazing life" instead of "I'm self-actualizing because I am scared of not living fully". It's a small distinction but in my experience, acting out of fear can lead to self-destructive behavior. Also, from my personal experience, I can say that acting out of positive desire  also leads to more fulfillment, more motivation and less self-judgement.

[GaiaGoddess]

Thanks for your replies!! I am not giving up, of course, and that sounds more accurate anyway, about it being a positive not a negative. 

[Matt23]

Perhaps there's an underlying fear or negative theme that's generating the fear of "living a normal life...not growing, etc."  If you haven't dug into why you fear these things, it might be a place to start and maybe discover some underlying themes, beliefs, or assumptions.  Perhaps.

Also, I was recently at one of Peter Ralston's (author of the Book of Not Knowing) Cheng Hsin retreats and we covered the topic (among many others) of ideals and fears, and how ideals (I'm not sure if it's always or only sometimes) have a fear attached to them.  So the ideal/fear mechanism keeps a person constantly running; "I'm scared of being alone (fear) so I want to be friends with everyone on the planet (ideal).  I don't know if this is relevant to the Life Purpose course, but it might help you in other ways.  

Good luck and stick with it!  Even if you don't find you Life Purpose.  I think, to get the most out of the course, it helps to have the goal of actually finding your life purpose.  Do it right.  You know when you're doing things to the best of your abilities and when you're slacking.  Even if it takes you a lot longer then initially planned, have the patience and foresight to stick with it.  Become a master at the life purpose course.  Own it.  Make it yours.   If you take on this mindset, even if at the end of it you don't find your life purpose, I think you'll be way more satisfied with the work you put into it and have little or no regrets.  And you'll probably have grown from all the work, effort, and insights you may have gained throughout the process.

[GaiaGoddess]

2 hours ago, Matt23 said:

Perhaps there's an underlying fear or negative theme that's generating the fear of "living a normal life...not growing, etc."  If you haven't dug into why you fear these things, it might be a place to start and maybe discover some underlying themes, beliefs, or assumptions.  Perhaps.

Also, I was recently at one of Peter Ralston's (author of the Book of Not Knowing) Cheng Hsin retreats and we covered the topic (among many others) of ideals and fears, and how ideals (I'm not sure if it's always or only sometimes) have a fear attached to them.  So the ideal/fear mechanism keeps a person constantly running; "I'm scared of being alone (fear) so I want to be friends with everyone on the planet (ideal).  I don't know if this is relevant to the Life Purpose course, but it might help you in other ways.  

Good luck and stick with it!  Even if you don't find you Life Purpose.  I think, to get the most out of the course, it helps to have the goal of actually finding your life purpose.  Do it right.  You know when you're doing things to the best of your abilities and when you're slacking.  Even if it takes you a lot longer then initially planned, have the patience and foresight to stick with it.  Become a master at the life purpose course.  Own it.  Make it yours.   If you take on this mindset, even if at the end of it you don't find your life purpose, I think you'll be way more satisfied with the work you put into it and have little or no regrets.  And you'll probably have grown from all the work, effort, and insights you may have gained throughout the process.

All I keep coming back to is the fear of not wanting to live a normal boring life like everyone else. My parents both lived lives like this, that could be where it comes from, but I still don't feel right calling that a fear, I just call it learning a lesson in life to live in a way that you are happy with. It's the same reason why all of us are here in Leo's group. So I could ask everyone else in here, why are you motivated to live a self actualized life? The more I think about it, the more it feels positive to me, even though in the course it was almost like we were directed to find negative motivations. I mean when it comes down to it, the reason that anyone does anything in life is to avoid pain of some kind (starvation, homelessness, illness, etc.) We're always striving to avoid negative outcomes no matter what, it's just human nature.

 

Edited October 22, 2018 by GaiaGoddess

[universe]

On 22.10.2018 at 8:51 PM, GaiaGoddess said:

I mean when it comes down to it, the reason that anyone does anything in life is to avoid pain of some kind (starvation, homelessness, illness, etc.) We're always striving to avoid negative outcomes no matter what, it's just human nature.

Yes most people may be like that, but thats not the stuff of great inspiration. 

[Elisabeth]

On 22. 10. 2018 at 8:51 PM, GaiaGoddess said:

All I keep coming back to is the fear of not wanting to live a normal boring life like everyone else.

...

I mean when it comes down to it, the reason that anyone does anything in life is to avoid pain of some kind (starvation, homelessness, illness, etc.) We're always striving to avoid negative outcomes no matter what, it's just human nature.

1

If it's a fear, it's not a positive motivation. So what would be so bad about living a "normal boring" life? The boredom? Would you feel confined? Would have to acknowledge that you are not special? 

Yes, it's human nature to strive to feel good. But this could be done from a place of fear (fear of starving etc.), or from a place of security (that our basic needs are met) and answering to higher motivations: curiosity, wanting to give etc..  At least that's my understanding. 

So which one is it? Does it feel like a fear, or does it feel like freedom to expand?

[Pernani]

It's funny how you described the same hurdle that I'm facing with LP course right now, when I think of my values they all seem positive but when I ask the question of "how much do I pursue this bec if I dont itll cause me pain and suffering?" It's like it automatically forces me to come up with negative reasons, because you know if you dont live true to your values you will by definition be in pain and suffering, maybe thats the underlying fear: fear of not living true to your values and to yourself.

tell me what you think